Life lessons from an unlikely place

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

I have a strange, strange habit. It dates to when I first became a newspaper reporter.

Some people have healthy, life-sustaining habits like getting out and exercising each day, drinking plenty of water, or going to sleep at a set time each day, while others have questionable ones like playing with their hair, cracking their knuckles, or swearing too much. My habit: I’m an avid obituary reader.

The obituary doesn’t matter, the person could be rich and famous or completely unknown. I tend to check the obituaries once a week from the small town where I grew up and the town where I live in now, but it really could be from anywhere. I like reading the obits because they’re a written memorial of a person’s legacy published for the world to see. They tell epic stories and they prove that almost everyone has a story to tell, and sometimes it’s only after a passing that people realize exactly how a person has left their mark in the world.

Everyone has a story

Many of the death notices from my hometown sound similar, but there are still some that stand out. Take this sample that I stumbled across one evening: An obituary for a woman in her late 70s included all the usual info, her survivors and how she liked to cook and go for long walks, but it talked about how she made the uncharacteristic decision to pack up and move hundreds of miles away to Baltimore in her late 40s.

She had been widowed and traveled there with some friends. When she got lost in a city park, she asked a gentleman who was in the park for directions. He walked her back to her hotel and before he left, he asked if he could call her. He too was a widower. In time, they consoled each other and fell in love, and she eventually moved to be with him. They were happily married for thirty years before they both died within a few weeks of each other.  

I loved the simplicity of the story — from a tragedy to life-affirming love. I instantly pictured a TV movie of the week or an artsy movie with Helen Mirren, Angela Bassett, or Meryl Streep in the lead role.

Find the story

The craft of obituaries has changed. They tend to lack a lot of detail now outside of the list of survivors. When I first started out as a newspaper reporter, I had to occasionally help write the obituaries. When I complained once about having to cover obits instead of checking out the Big City crimes beat in Northern Virginia, my editor scolded me, saying that everyone had a story to tell, you just had to find it. I don’t remember much else that he taught, but I remember taking that as a challenge to find the real story. To this day, I love obituaries that give you details you never knew.

For example, we think we know the story of Tina Turner’s life. Her obituary last week recalled the abuse she took from her ex-husband Ike Turner, but I learned that when she was at her lowest, collecting food stamps, a turning point came when David Bowie told Capitol Records that she was his favorite singer. Turner was able to use Bowie’s backing to get a new album and her early 80s revival helped her regain her financial footing.

Seeing where the story goes

It’s not just Tina Turner. Several years ago, I was reading the New York Times obituary for former Brooklyn Dodger Don Newcombe and I was fascinated to learn of his role in the Civil Rights movement. The writer had me hooked, so much so, that I ended up cutting out the obit and saving it.

“While Newcombe was proud of his accomplishments as a pitcher, he was gratified as well to have played a role in the civil rights struggle by helping to shatter modern baseball’s racial barrier after the arrival of the Dodgers’ Jackie Robinson and catcher Roy Campanella,” The Times obit read. He called praise from Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King on par with some of his biggest on-field achievements.

I suspect I like reading obituaries because of my own personal growth and development, the stories remind me to live my life one day at a time, to hold nothing back, and to celebrate life. Do you find obituaries depressing and demoralizing or do you find them life-affirming and helpful to your growth?

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Please join in on the discussion on the HoTM site. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com or follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

Images by Pexels.

29 thoughts on “Life lessons from an unlikely place”

  1. I love obits too, Brian! And I appreciate your observation about the details that are captured within. For a long time, I kept up with the death notices from our small hometown. It was as if I was keeping a connection with people and families that we’d lost contact with along the way, with our many moves. My cousin who passed away recently chose to write his own obit and it sparked a desire within him to write letters to his children and spouse. Obits can be like final gifts, and I love the examples you shared — Tina Turner’s story, Don Newcombe’s. Terrific, life-affirming post! 💗

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    1. I never thought about writing my own obit outside of having to do it for a class assignment. Interesting idea. Love the idea too of writing letters to family members. What a precious gift. Yes, we all have cards and letters over the years from loved ones, but to be able to read a loved ones thoughts and to be able to save it, definitely a treasure. Thanks for the idea!

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  2. I read the obits too – maybe so as not to miss any passings – but also out of curiosity. Similarly, I like to stroll through cemeteries. So many dots to fill in – the stuff of stories

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  3. I read the obits as well. When I was a reporter, I had to write some (we all did), and it’s an art form, capturing a person’s life in just a few words. I don’t claim to have been the best at it, but I came to enjoy it.

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  4. Interesting post Brian, and I can see the value of learning others stories from reading an obituary. It would make me ponder all sorts of things about the person and their life. Someone mentioned cemeteries play a bit of the same role and I agree. I don’t subscribe to any local or national papers, either online or hard copy, that still include obits. I am at an age though that if I did I think I would be seeing many people I knew appearing there. I wonder what that would be like?!

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  6. I love this post and your ability to “find the story!” Your examples are so fun and I love your reflection on how we build legacy. I haven’t read obituaries in a while but you have me wondering where I’m going to find the story today. Thank you!

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    1. I admit that it’s a weird habit. It would be one thing if I knew the person, but most I don’t know. I saw one yesterday that mentioned the woman was the valedictorian of her class in the 50s. It didn’t mention a college education. It got me thinking what that must have been like then versus now. If she were born now, would she have had the opportunity for college, etc. Again, just my crazy brain!!! Ha, ha.

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      1. Isn’t that fascinating? I love how you dig deeper, Brian. And I don’t think it’s a weird habit – isn’t every bio pic essentially an obituary where they’ve dug a little deeper like you do? 🙂 ❤

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  7. When I worked in PR for an agency in the Palm Springs area, we had obituaries for notables like Bob Hope written up in advance for when that day happened. I used to read obituaries and wonder about the people, but I’ve gotten out of the habit. Thanks for reminding me about everyone’s life stories.

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  8. I remember my grandmother used to always read the obits, looking for friends that had passed, and I would peer over her shoulder. It’s fascinating to get that little slice of life and use our imaginations to fill in the blanks. I haven’t read an obituary in quite some time, but I might need to start up again. I bet there are some gems to be found.

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  9. I too appreciate a great written obit, because as you state, “They tell epic stories and they prove that almost everyone has a story to tell, and sometimes it’s only after a passing that people realize exactly how a person has left their mark in the world.” Love this creative idea for a post- such greatness!!

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  10. I am not a big obit reader, but find that the stories told often are aimed at a concluding thought or anecdote. As you’ve suggested, Brian, almost everyone has a story and some have several. The obit writer gets the last word in life, except for the guy who writes his own, who wants control past the “use by” date! Thanks, Brian.

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  11. That is a beautiful bit about David Bowie’s impact on Tina Turner’s life. I just saw their Pepsi commercial a week ago and this story adds so much more depth to that collaboration!

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  12. I don’t have an obit obsession, but I DO love writing heartfelt memory letters to dear friends who are close to moving to greener pastures. Families tell me years later how much they were—and are still—appreciated, both by the one leaving, and those left behind. It gives me a lovely sense of closure, particularly if circumstances do not allow for a visit.

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    1. Aww, that’s so touching Julia. That’s the best thing I’ve heard today. I have to imagine that those letters are appreciated more than you’ll ever know. The closure. The sense of peace. That’s a really neat idea. Thanks so much for sharing. I may have to steal this idea!

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