Yay, Yeah, Whatever

Posted on by Wynne Leon

I’ve written a few climbing posts recently – it’s like I pulled a thread and they started tumbling out. But really, I think it’s because there’s one story that has been niggling at me to come to the surface. So here it is.

When I went to Everest Base camp in 2001, it was because my good friends, Sue and Phil, were climbing that year. Wanting to leave them something that would amuse them, I collected a bunch of rocks and then wrote a message at the entrance/exit of the climbing route into the Khumbu ice fall.

I intended to write “Yay” as in enthusiastically cheering. But what I really wrote was “Yeah” as in an unenthusiastic yes. <sigh>  I’ve done plenty of stupid stuff in my life but this one particularly gets my goat. I spent three weeks to travel 7,000 miles away, trekked 30 miles up to an elevation of 17,600 feet to one of the most iconic spots in the world of climbing — and I wrote the wrong damn word in the snow?? And what’s worse is that one of my companions said, “Doesn’t that say ‘yeah’?” and I brushed it off and didn’t fix it. I even took a picture of it. Talk about written in stone…<groan>

On one hand, it’s a harmless event in which no one got hurt so I should be able to let it go, but on the other hand, it’s so indicative of my stubbornness that it represents something that triggers me down deep. On that score, it matches the definition of shame that Brené Brown provides in Atlas of the Heart: “Shame is the intensely painful feeling of experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.” It’s not that I think this event was a big deal, but that it touches one of my weaknesses in a story that I tie to my worth.

Brené talks about the conditions that allow shame to thrive: silence, secrecy, and judgment. In Atlas of the Heart, she continues, “Shame needs you to believe that you are alone. Empathy is a hostile environment for shame.”

While I don’t believe that I’m the first person to misuse a word in a visible way, it is possible I’m the only one who’s done it at the entrance the Khumbu icefall. But more to the point, I don’t think in the 22 years since I did this, I’ve ever talked about it.

Until the other day I told Vicki this story, and we had a good laugh. As you’d expect from Vicki, she gave me oodles of empathy. She even nicely suggested that yeah might have formerly used to be a more accepted way to spell yay. I don’t believe that, but the nice try did the trick.

It’s helped me to feel better about the stupid stuff in general that I do, and this particular stupid thing. Brené Brown was right – sharing with an empathetic friend helps to build shame resilience.

Yeah, this was the one story that had to come out. And yes, I meant “yeah” that time.

For another story about high altitude hijinks, please check out Party with Altitude on my personal blog.

(featured photo is all mine, for better or worse)

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49 thoughts on “Yay, Yeah, Whatever”

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  2. Oh Wynne, I’m trying hard to chuckle at this but I can see how it still gets your goat all these years later. For what it’s worth, you stoned out an entirely extra letter and for that, the effort must be commended! And hey, it makes a fantastic story to tell and retell.

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  4. I could SO relate to this one, Wynne!!! NOBODY is better at putting me down than I am. I frequently have to remind myself that I would NEVER talk to anyone the way I talk to myself (or be so unforgiving). And just like you, I can carry such things for YEARS. I’m so glad you had someone like Vicki to give you a little perspective and help you laugh about it.

    And… I don’t know much of anything about climbing, but if you were THAT high up, is it possible that you weren’t getting your usual amount of oxygen?? That might explain why you wrote one word while intending to write another? 🙂💕

    Mount freaking EVEREST!!!! Such an awesome experience!!!!! I am 100% sure that you can let this one go now…💕💕💕

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    1. I love that you can relate and have also given me permission to let it go. Yes, perhaps I was hypoxic and that accounted for this episode. If only I could use that excuse for all my other mistakes…

      But you are right – the experience was fantastic. And now made even better by sharing it. Thanks for your lovely comment!

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  5. Oh thank you for sharing Wynne! I can relate so much to this story. Shame plays tricks on us. And for the record, you’re way too hard on yourself. The grammar nerd in me had to Google both words. Yeah still means yes, maybe not to the level of yay, but still an added umph. The unenthusiastic yes could be your own interpretation. Ha ha. I agree with Vicki and Ab, lots of inspiration and hope here, thank you.☺️☺️

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  6. Great story Wynne! Last year my friend was turning 50 and said she didn’t not want us to do anything embarrassing for her- she especially did not want her front yard decorated. So of course, her husband and I bought a bunch of stuff to decorate the yard anyway. 😁I went to her house at 4am on the morning of her birthday, to stick all of the signs and outdoor balloons in the ground. I had a big 5 balloon and also a zero. I wanted to be very careful to corral the balloons and not lose any when I opened the car door. But despite my efforts, the “zero” balloon drifted up into the sky as soon as I opened the car door. So the next morning when my friend woke up, she was greeted by a “Happy 5th” display.

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    1. That’s hilarious, Todd! You have me chuckling about this and I have a feeling it’ll stick with me all day. You are a great friend – both because you decorate yards and also because you chime in to make me feel better!

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  7. Thank you for this story Wynne. Funny in many ways, but so relatable as well. The smallest things that lead us to feel shame can be just as big and traumatic as the really obvious ones. Once we show that we aren’t perfect all the negativity piles on doesn’t it?

    “Shame needs you to believe that you are alone. Empathy is a hostile environment for shame.” It’s so hard to let go of shame until you allow just one person to say they understand. I just watched a movie last night- Troop Zero- on Amazon. Shame was a main theme and such a feel good story when true friends showed their empathy at the end. It was worth a definite YES! no matter how you spell it 😉

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  8. It’s the thought that counts, right? 😉 Shame is such a heavy emotion to carry around, especially for 22 years over such an innocent mistake. Brene Brown has so much wisdom: “Shame needs you to believe that you are alone. Empathy is a hostile environment for shame.” I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve hung my head and quiet whispered a deep, dark, shameful secret only to have the person I’m with respond, “So?” So often the shame is unwarranted, and it’s so freeing to shine some light on it and dispel it’s power.

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    1. I love this comment, Erin. Just a simple “so” does soooo much! You’re right – heavy to carry and easy to dispel when we just find our voice to speak it. Thanks for being such a great listener! 🙂

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  12. Great Post Wynne. I’d never thought of yeah as potentially negative/dismissive so I’m guessing I might either be using it wrong or its different in Scotland 😁

    It’s perfect that this is the post I read from you today as I’d been thinking about you earlier. About how much of an inspirational and amazing woman you are. You have climbed Everest and you don’t let things get in your way. You have such strength and courage. You’re admirable and when I think of you bringing those qualities, to motherhood, your children will , I think, always be encouraged to pursue their dreams.

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    1. Thank you, Brenda! What a lovely comment – what a heartening and wonderful thing to hear from you. But just to clarify – I only went to Everest Base camp with my friends who spent 3 months climbing it so they are truly impressive ones!

      But I take your point – I think we all can encourage each other to pursue our dreams just like you have done so well and impressively. Wouldn’t that be wonderful if everyone could?

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      1. To me, going to base camp is very impressive. I tried to climb Ben Nevis but froze a short way up and broke down in floods of tears refusing to go on … I’d never get to Base Camp. But I guess we’re all driven in different directions. And yes, I agree, I’d like to encourage as many people as I can to believe in themselves

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  13. I see nothing wrong with “Yeah!” It’s just as affirming as “Yay”, kind of like a yeSSSS—yay you, you go girl! It’s all a matter of perspective, right? However, I do see plenty wrong with shame. It traps us in self-judgment, lowers our self esteem, and does its best to keep us mired in a belief in self-worthlessness. I’ve lived enough years now to realize that mistakes are just mistakes. It’s how we deal with them that counts, right? You just took a ginormous step in the healing process by airing out your story to Vicki and the rest of us. What courage! Yeah! Yay you. YeSSSSS! You go, girl. Onward and upward to self-forgiveness and letting it go.

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    1. I love this comment, Julia. But thank goodness I didn’t try to spell out YeSSSSS at base camp – that would have taken me forever. 🙂 Your summary about shame is so good – you are spot on is how we deal with our mistakes that count. Thank you for encouraging me through mine, my friend!

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  17. I completely agree with Vicki. Honestly. To me, it seems like “Yay” only recently came on the writing scene. Every time I use it now, I feel weird and think, “Where did this spelling come from?” I ALWAYS used Yeah to mean Yay. Though I knew it could also mean the unenthusiastic yes. Admittedly, it could get confusing. Still, Vicki, to my experience, is 100% correct!

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  18. So, I’m rading through Brown-tagged posts and found this one and, oh! The timing could not be more perfect!

    Last night, I thanked a relatively new friend for how she helped me get–by how she showed up, day in amd day out–that my feelings are not only OK but important exactly as they are. This is a huge part of my recent recovery, but I hadn’t actually told her that … not, until the last few days, having the words to do so. The exchange was beautiful.

    Then, hiking and reading Brown’s first book this morning, I read passages like those you excerpt here and went, OH! Oh, my gosh! Our friendship literally began with me saying, late 2021, “You exemplify Brown’s BRAVING pretty hard. Would you be OK talking shame with me when I’m so deep in it, I can’t see a way out?” and her being all, BRING IT! What a gift, to have people like Vicki and her, looking shame head-on, thus bringing the empathy in such healing ways.

    While the way I post is about to chamnge, with all I’ve finally come to grok the last few days, comments like this–in convo with people I’ve seen evidence empathy–feel just fine. 💕

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    1. First of all, I love how you use the word “grok” – in a way that is so meaningful to us IT people, right? 🙂 I love that your friend’s response was BRING IT and that you found the way to tell her. That is so awesome. You are right – having people like that in our lives makes all the difference!! Yes!! Lucky us – and lucky this community of writers, thinkers and Brene Brown enthusiasts that can affirm it too. Thanks, Deborah!

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