When I sat down to read Lois Roelofs’ excellent book, Marv Taking Charge, I didn’t expect that the word I’d come away with after finishing would be “uplifting.” After all, I knew that it was an end-of-life story of a wonderful man, Marv, and Lois’ support and honoring of him as he spends his final days. But it is uplifting because of the very intentional way they live those last few months. After all, we are all walking to our end-of-life, in one way or another, and the call to be thoughtful about how we live, can inspire us all.
So it was an additional honor for Vicki and I to be able to sit down with Lois Roelofs to talk about this incredibly beautiful book. In this episode, we talk with Lois about her husband’s decision not to seek treatment for small cell lung cancer and how that choice set up a very intentional life for them as they spent quality time saying good-bye to people that were closest to them. Lois, who has a PhD in nursing and is a former nurse educator, talks about the Patient’s Bill of Rights and the importance of going into decisions about treatment knowing what the priorities are.
Lois brings us along on the road trips she and Marv took after his diagnosis to visit family and friends, to give cherished last hugs. Marv lived well beyond the doctor’s estimate of just a few weeks giving them six wonderful months together.
We talk with Lois about the rapid decline at the end and take in her advice for anyone going through a similar end of life process to lean on the beliefs that give them strength, gather their support system and to sign up for hospice from day one for the care and support they provide. Lois tells us how Marv gave her a gift from the beginning by saying, “You’ll be fine. I’m the one who is dying” and how she worked to honor him as the person who was dying.
This is a great episode filled love and meaning as we talk about intentionally walking towards the end of life. I know you’ll love it.
Episode 129: Wish I Was Here with Ilsa Rey – Sharing the Heart of the Matter
Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to Episode 23: Marv Taking Charge with Lois Roelofs on Anchor
Links for this Episode:
Episode 23: Marv Taking Charge with Lois Roelofs on Anchor
Marv Taking Charge: A Story of Bold Love and Courage on Amazon
Lois’ blog: Write Along with Me
The Heart of the Matter 
Visiting with Lois? An honor and a delight. Thanks to Lois for her beautiful book and for the gift of time with her in the podcast. 💕
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Perfectly said, Vicki! I loved our conversation and the book! ❤
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Yes, yes, yes! ❤️
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Lois is someone I have had the good fortune to know well. Having read the book myself, the strength, conviction, and faith that carried Marv, Lois, and their oldest daughter from start to finish serve as the model of a life affirming close to a future through which we will all pass. They did this with heads up, eyes forward, holding hands, and finally — letting go.
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What a beautiful comment, Dr. Stein. I’m so delighted that you know Lois well and find your comments about what they want through and what Lois’ writes about to be so meaningful. Thank you!
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What courage and strength! Wow. Yes, uplifting is a good word Wynne. I can’t wait to listen and read more. Thank you!!!😎😎😎😎😎
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Thanks for listening, Brian! ❤
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Oh, my book is arriving this week! I loved Lois’ previous book about her nursing career, so I am looking forward to this one. Will tune in and listen!
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I love this blogging community for all of these ties. I haven’t yet read Lois’ first book so thanks for saying that, VJ!
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I love it for that reason too. Lois’ writing is like sitting down with a good friend and having a rich conversation.
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My husband died of non-small cell lung cancer, two years after his diagnosis. He did choose to take treatment (since he was only 57 and in great physical shape otherwise); however, he continued with the chemo much longer than he should have. We had some special and meaningful times during those years–but also some heartbreaking and difficult ones. Such is life, even without cancer.
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What a poignant comment about that being true of life even without cancer. I’m so sorry for your loss, Margaret. That’s too young! I’m glad you had some special and meaningful times through the journey too. Thanks for the comment.
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Such a great podcast. Thank you to Lois for sharing this story. This speaks to me in so many vital ways personally- the simplest of those being the explicit knowledge that patients must know and understand that they have a choice. Those rights as Lois mentioned are not often spoken of and so the companion to The Patients Bill of Rights is contained in the information on patient responsibilities. It is up to every patient to seek out information when making decisions as well, not simply accept what is presented. I respect both Marv and Lois as they traveled through this journey together.
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Well said, Deb. I hadn’t thought of Patients Rights in these terms before this conversation with Lois so it was a good education for me. Love your additional points!
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Thank you, Deb!
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I will listen to this podcast because I appreciate patients’ rights to always be honored in making health care decisions.
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Such a great point, Mary! Thanks for listening!
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