You don’t have to try

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

Close to eleven years ago, I was in a new role. Everything was new and different for me. I’ll just say it — I felt out of my league. Many of my peers had more experience and different backgrounds. They dressed nicer and wore expensive jewelry. They were just different than me.

When we chatted before our meetings, I felt out of place. They talked about the fabulous places they had gone that weekend. They mentioned who they saw at the spa and who they had drinks with at their favorite restaurant. They had fancy new cars and shared where they were going off to next. I sat quiet in my seat. My weekends racing off to see my daughter’s AP History presentation or my son’s cross country meet sounded mundane compared to them.  

Oh, to be clear, I wasn’t some young kid. I was a grown man. I was a confident adult. I knew my strengths and my weaknesses and where I stood. I knew that I needed to learn things in my new job. But, I also recognized that I had a lot to offer the team. Despite my confidence and inner courage, I still found myself easy prey to the comparison game. When I was a kid, my family struggled financially. We had many months where it was touch and go. The experience touched me in ways that still amaze me to this day. And walking into a new work experience, I couldn’t break the feeling that I was an imposter walking among experts.

Imposter Syndrome strikes!

Things went from bad to worse. On one particular Monday morning, I waited for our meeting to start. Sure enough, as the team chit-chatted, one of the in-crowd turned to me. He rarely included me, but this time he did. He wanted to know where I was going for vacation. I attempted to say my family and I were traveling to the beach. My stutter, though, got in the way. I struggled to finish my sentence and I probably would’ve continued to struggle. Fortunately for me, our manager walked in stutter crises and wanted to get started right away with our meeting.

I stuttered and stammered as a kid. When I went off to college, my stutter mostly went away. Still, it can make its presence felt whenever I feel uncomfortable or nervous in my surroundings. In this situation, I most definitely felt off my game.

I kept my head down for the rest of the meeting. If it were up to me, I would have merged right into the background. But there really was no hiding. And, of course, everyone noticed.

Feeling pressure

Later that evening, I went running to try to let out some frustration. The day’s events played back like a recording through my brain. I would stop and start it, making sure to focus on the gory parts. It was like a a slow motion accident playing out in front of me. Right on cue, though, American singer-songwriter Colbie Caillat’s song Try came up on my headphones. She had just released the song and it’s about being true to yourself.

Caillat wrote the song after feeling pressure to be someone she was not, both musically and image-wise. The song received acclaim from music critics and fans alike, who noted it was a simple, but beautiful empowering ballad.

“Put your make up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim
So they like you, do they like you?”

The song hit home for me.

“Get your sexy on
Don’t be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want, to belong
So they like you, do you like you?”

I backtracked and listened to the song again and the rest of the night. I remember tears running down my face, mad at myself for letting others and my thoughts get the best of me. It reminded me that we all have a choice. We’re not experts or imposters. We’re just ourselves.

In fact, the song even gave me the recipe to stand up for myself.

“You don’t have to try so hard
You don’t have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don’t have to change a single thing.”

“You don’t have to try, try, try, try
You don’t have to try, try, try, try
You don’t have to try, try, try, try
You don’t have to try
Yooou don’t have to try.”

It reminded me to believe in myself, focus on what’s important, not the tangential crap that doesn’t matter, and that good things would come.

“Take your make up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don’t you like you?
Cause I like you.”

Yes, I’m fine. I don’t have to . . . try to be something that I am not. I’m best when I’m me. A beautiful song that still feels right today.

For another related perspective, check out my friend and fellow blogger Vicki Atkinson’s recent post, Her Protective Gear, on Victoria Ponders. While different, her post rang true with my own thoughts and reminded me of listening to Try for the first time. Yes, we all wear our own protective gear. 

What does Try mean to you?

. . . . . . . . .

Check out my blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com. I have a companion piece today, I hurt myself today, where I touch on the powerful impact music has on our lives. Be sure to follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian. 

Thanks for reading.

Images by Pexels.

33 thoughts on “You don’t have to try”

  2. I love this post, Brian. Be ourselves…such an important reminder about being good enough…and the inclusion of the Colbie Caillat song, “Try”? Powerful. Thank you. ❤️

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    1. You get it Vicki — “Good enough” is good enough. Ha, ha. The thing I really wanted to get across was that I wasn’t some kid scared of my own shadow. I had confidence in myself, but we all have our moments. I needed to worry less about performance and how I was doing and just trust in myself. Thanks Vicki!

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  3. Pingback: I hurt myself today – Writing from the Heart with Brian

  4. Thank-you so much for this one Brian. While I tend to be fairly confident and believe in myself, sometimes I fall under similar attacks. I know better, so I’m unsure why I ‘let’ this happen. Even in the blogging world where there are so many great authors able to write their posts with such skill, I wonder if I’m out of my league and why do I bother to try so hard to share my voice… It’s not that I’m looking to ‘fit in’. It’s more I’m looking to put positivity out into a world that seems so full of negativity. And fortunately for me, I’ve found a community of people doing a similar thing.💞 Colbie Caillat’s song Try is so beautiful and perfect for this post.

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    1. Oh what a beautiful note Rose. Yes, yes, I can so relate to feeling strong, but still occasionally trying to find my spot in the world. And I agree completely. When you find a community of like-minded folks, it means the world. I give Vicki and Wynne a lot of credit in creating this community. They’re the best. Thank you so much for the encouragement and letting me know that I’m not alone. It means so much to me!!! 🙏😎😎😎😎😎

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  5. Once upon a time I thought that *try* meant to be who other people wanted me to be, but a few disappointments & many years later I now define *try* as being true to my inner self: my goals, my morals, my joie de vivre.

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  6. Ah, this is so authentically you — and in doing that, you’ve brought out the best in your readers. I love, “I’m best when I’m me. ” Yes, yes, yes!

    I’ve been in meetings where I’ve felt the very same thing. Throw in some acryonyms and jargon and it’s downright painful. Love that you give us the anthem to sing out way out of those situations.

    Beautifully done, Brian!

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    1. I’m best when I’m me. Ha, ha. I’m glad that that line means something to you. I’ve noticed that I’ve started to use that almost like a mantra. It really does keep me honest.

      And I’m so thankful that you mentioned the acronyms and jargon. How did I forget that key detail? Isn’t that the worst. YOu’re in a meeting. YOu’re the new person and one of the presenters or facilitators starts throwing around a bunch of acronyms. You think everyone knows what what’s being said. You think about asking, but you second guess.

      Nine out of ten times if you stop the meeting and ask — which can take a lot of courage in some settings — you find out that everyone else was just as lost, but didn’t want to admit it. Ha, ha. Thanks so much Wynne. Love it.

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  7. I empathize with you. You probably had a head full of knowledge that would go blank when you were brought into a conversation. Kudos for getting social graces and “fake status” into perspective. 🙂

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    1. My barometer lately on how open I am with a piece is how I feel when I know it’s been published. How do I feel? Have I been honest? Am I worried that the writing has outed me in some one? Ha, ha. I appreciate your kind comment Elizabeth. And yes, I feel for you with the shaking hands. I get that concern.

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  10. and I was very painfully shy for most of my life up until my late 20s, early 30s, and it was excruciating at times to speak to someone, especially in a group. over time, I had tough situations in life where I had to speak up and be my own advocate and that helped me a lot. the older I’ve gotten, the less I care about what others think of me and that has changed overlying, though I still hate public speaking. can talk to anyone or a small group for hours now, much to their dismay I’m sure )

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    1. Oh, been there, done that! Be your own advocate. I’m not a big Dirty Dancing film fan but when I think of situations like that …. I always think of the Patrick Swayze line, “Nobody puts baby in a corner.” Good for you Beth! Glad you care less about what others think!!!!

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  11. Great post, Brian. You wrote about a relatable experience that nearly everyone goes through at some point in their life. When I joined my writing critique group, I was aware (as likely they were too) that I was the weakest writer in the group. Their encouragement made a huge diffference in me not thinking I belonged. Now, I can hold my own, and the only comparing I do is with my earlier writing. Seeing our own improvement can be a great motivator and not to be so self-conscious the next time we’re in such a situation.

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  12. Oh Brian, I can feel your pain in that moment. That imposter syndrome feeling truly sucks but seems you have learned and grown from that moment. You have a lot to offer and I’m glad you see that now too!

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  13. Great post, Brian, and the song is wonderful. I’m glad that one of the books I read when I started my career was First Things First by Stephen Covey. I did my best to stay in Quadrant II (Important / Not Urgent), or as he called it, “the personal leadership” quadrant. It seems to me that the time you spent on the weekends with your daughter and son was more important than what your coworkers did. I worked with a share of people like them, and as a matter of fact, one of them died on the job (at his office desk) because he was trying to reach the unreachable. I’m a proud introvert who did my work, helped all my coworkers the best way I could, and then went home to be with my family. I’m retired now and have enough to live a simple life with my loved ones.

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  14. OMG, I have never been so confused in my life. I thought I was reading a blog post from Wynne. It wasn’t until I was four paragraphs in and read, I was a grown man, before I realized my mistake.

    In any case, I love it when a song feels empowering and gives you confidence. I’m not familiar with this one but I like the sentiment.

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