“One cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be of little importance in the evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening become a lie.”
– Carl Jung
Franciscan priest Father Richard Rohr, talks about the two halves of life in his book, Falling Upward. In the first half, we define ourselves, or in Father Richard’s parlance, we create a container. And in the second half, we find the contents of the container. He writes of this journey, “Only when you have begun to live in the second half can you see the difference between the two. Yet the two halves are cumulative and sequential, and both are very necessary.”
I find people who have done the work to journey into that second half with understanding and grace to be so interesting and inspiring. Because as my dad liked to quip, “Often wisdom comes with age. But sometimes age just comes alone.”
This is one of the many reasons that I absolutely loved Vicki’s book Surviving Sue. I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy to read and I devoured it. It is so beautifully written, shines with that sparkle that Vicki brings to everything she does, and it covers the whole range of emotion from humor, anger, grief, and grace.
We walk through Vicki’s first half of life growing up with her mom, Sue, who suffered from anxiety, depression, alcoholism, Munchausen’s by proxy, and later on Alzheimer’s. She shows us the delight of sisterhood with Lisa, and the protectiveness that came with loving a sibling with a disability. Vicki’s amazing father, Sonny, thankfully shows up to add calm, order, and love to a household that in many ways pivoted around Sue’s chaos.
I could feel the pain of that chaos as I read – and this is why Surviving Sue is so well done. Because Vicki has done the work in the second half of her life to really see, understand, and even appreciate Sue, she writes the story with honesty, perspective, humor, and love. It is such a compelling story because it shows us all how to look back to the first half of life with deep understanding.
Father Richard writes, “No Pope, Bible quote, psychological technique, religious formula, book, or guru can do your journey for you. If you try to skip the first journey, you will never see its real necessity and also its limitations; you will never know why this first container must fail you, the wonderful fullness of the second half of the journey, and the relationship between the two.”
Right – no one can do our journey for us. But books like Surviving Sue remind us why the journey is necessary, delightful, and leads to wholeness. So, I applaud, and am so grateful to my dear friend, Vicki, for doing the deep work to write it.
The Heart of the Matter 
Much appreciated, Wynne, including the Jung quote. I encountered many people in my practice who learned a way of living that “worked” by their teens, and kept using that method going forward.
Twenty years on, however, the tread on their once new tires was worn away, their faces and bodies were older, the world of their youth had vanished, and the old way of being no longer was fit for the terrain.
A new manner of existence and understanding was required. It always is. Vickie’s book, as you describe it, calls to those who recognize the need for transformation in a world insisting we must go on just as we are
The chance for life satisfaction rests on listening to the call. And taking action.
LikeLiked by 7 people
Wow, Dr. Stein – you’ve provided such a powerful example of the need for transformation. Your last paragraph, “The chance for life satisfaction rests on listening to the call. And taking action.” Right! Hard work but worth doing. Thanks for such an insightful comment.
LikeLiked by 3 people
What a fascinating observation by Father Richard Rohr: We must spend the first half of our lives creating a container and the second half filling it. My mind is racing so many directions, as there are so many ways we could interpret this. The idea give extra weight and meaning to the challenges we face may face in our youth or the journey to self-discovery… once we’ve done the work and shaped the vessel, theoretically, trekking down to the creek to collect water should be a simpler task. Perhaps life gets easier when you do most of the hard work up front. And, as your sage father suggested, far too many people reach the end of their life with the same heap of clay they started with. So much lost potential.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Oh, what fascinating observations, Erin. Especially given your post this morning. I think you’re right that it gets easier if you do the work up front. And also if you don’t cling to what you believe yourself to have “created” in the first half. An interesting journey in any case, right?
LikeLiked by 4 people
I love this post, Wynne, and the wonderful comments. I agree with Erin…the philosophy from Father Rohr brings forward so many questions and the “when and how”. The idea that we can experience life and then engage in repair work is a gift and you’re right on. I connect with every bit of that. xo! 🥰
LikeLiked by 2 people
What a great additional comment, Vicki! Experience life and then engage in repair work. That’s beautiful!
LikeLike
You’ve picked some great and meaningful quotes for this post Wynne- all so appropriate to the very fact that we have to experience life as a journey through all the various stages to truly live and grow ourselves as strong humans when we finally reach those “evening” hours. There is a freedom that comes with walking through all the tough stuff in that lead up to twilight so I agree that doing the early work can make things feel easier later on.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love your comment that our journey helps us “truly live and grow ourselves as strong humans.” It’s astonishing to me that we don’t revere this in our elders these days – my mom lives in a place full of 90 and 100 year-olds in their evening hours with amazing stories!
LikeLiked by 1 person
It sounds like Vicki has spent a lot of work to make sense and come to peace with her mother. I’m looking forward to reading her book — after I finish yours and hers arrives.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Can’t wait to hear what you think of it. It’s so good!
LikeLiked by 2 people
👍🏼
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m reading and re-reading the quotes in the beginning of your post. There is a lot to unpack there!
I do think that you’re right that we spend the first half of our lives creating our container – identity? – and it is through that work that we spend the second half of our lives infusing it with meaning and hopefully wisdom too, to your dad’s point.
I think we can only do the proper reflection and soul searching with the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences too.
Lots to unpack in this one, Wynne. Gonna have to think about it some more this week!
LikeLiked by 2 people
What an interesting reflection, Ab. I wonder if some people do the journey at different paces. Like maybe you as a gay man, had to communicate your identity at an age that others don’t do until they get out college and think that perhaps it’s a job the defines them. I don’t know – just throwing darts here but I’m sure there’s a ton of variability in this idea as with most others in the world! Thanks for taking the time to think and comment on this!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think culture, beliefs, values, and norms etc for sure influences how one takes this journey. Very fascinating to think about!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m with Ab, I find myself reading your post Wynne and all the great comments and I’m not sure what to add. There’s so much great stuff here. I’m reading your book, and can’t wait to read Vicki’s. I keep coming back to Rohr’s idea of the container and then your father’s comment on how age sometimes just comes alone. My grandmother used to say something similar. I was always touched by her saying it, because she used to praise my brothers and I by saying that we were wise for our age. For her to say that to us, meant something. Anyway, great stuff Wynne.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oh, thank you for reading my book, Brian! I love that your grandma used to say that about you. I think there are people who are old souls and the idea of the journey happens more fluidly or fast for some than others. It is a fascinating thing to think of though! Thanks for commenting!
LikeLike
“Often wisdom comes with age. But sometimes age just comes alone.” – Love your father’s sweet wisdom!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love that adage, too! Thanks, Mary!
LikeLiked by 1 person