I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

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I was lost. 

I wasn’t sure whether to turn right or left. In the end, the direction didn’t really matter, because no matter where I turned, it seemed to be the wrong direction. I was a new manager and I was trying to find my way. On top of everything else, my team was going through a lot of turmoil and everything seemed to be changing around us.

I wasn’t giving my team many reasons to believe in me. Every time someone came to me for direction, I seemed to be giving them the wrong answers and needed to come back to them to clarify and have them retrace their steps. 

A few months into my job, we needed to make an important presentation to one our biggest clients. I figured I would try to bring a little cheer to my team members and get their day off to a good start by bringing in coffee and donuts. Of course, when I walked into the office, I tripped and, the coffee and donuts went flying everywhere. 

Help on Aisle 9. We have a mess!

Change for the better

The entire office saw my misstep and stained shirt the rest of the day. I felt the weight of the world on my back. I could just imagine the water cooler gossip: “Did you catch the the schmuck new manager and his smooth dance moves this morning?”

Change can be challenging. We usually think of it as bad, but it’s neither good or bad. It just is. When people resist change, it’s usually about the lack of uncertainty, risk and fear. My team members and I were most definitely fighting these challenges. We’re writing about resilience this month on The Heart of the Matter. When I saw the topic, I immediately thought back to my first managing experience and to my youngest son and his first year of college.

One of my son’s big challenges this year has been asking for help. When he faces a tough course or a challenging test, his natural inclination is to “bunker down” and put his head down and push his way through the problem. While hard work and accountability are wonderful attributes, I had to learn in my managerial role that sometimes you need to ask for help. The more I put in time, the more I seemed to dig myself a bigger hole. I needed to learn that sometimes you can’t fix things on your own, sometimes you need to raise your hand get others input.

Waving the white flag

After my coffee and donut mishap, I decided the time came to let other into my problem. I approached my team, my colleagues, even my boss to get their thoughts on righting our ship. I thought for sure I was a failure. I thought of the commercial that ran in U.S. in the late 1980s and early 1990s where an elderly woman promoting the LifeCall medic alert cries out for help, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

In reality, I was not a failure for seeking help, it was the smartest thing I could have done.

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Learning a valuable lesson

I listen first, spoke second. I asked my team for their input on the challenges we faced and sought out advice from other leaders. The more we talked the better we started to communicate and work together. I got the team’s buy-in and how we would divvy up work. I asked questions about how I best could help. 

Oh we still had a mountain of challenges to climb up and over and needed to be resilient in overcoming those challenges, but we soon were all rowing with the same purpose and mission.  In short, the experience taught me that sometimes the best advice is getting out of your own way.

When you think of resilient experiences in your own life, what thoughts or experiences come to mind?

……

Please join in on the discussion on the HoTM site. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com or follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

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31 thoughts on “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

  1. “I listen first, spoke second” . . . perhaps the most effective initial step in solution I’ve far too often let my mouth override my ears and prolong resolution.
    Thanks for the reminder Brian.

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    1. It’s hard to do . . . but when I have a busy meeting day, I always try to evaluate how I did, did I listen or talk more? Did I jump to solutions and problem solving or listen first and ask if solutions are wanted? Somedays I rate myself with a thumbs up, someday’s it’s a thumbs down. We definitely are a culture of talk first, listen second. Ugh!!!!!

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    1. I’m with you, it really is a strength. Why do we look down on it? I know for me, I automatically worry about being seen as too needy and not being take-charge enough. Why jump to extremes? I have no idea why I make that jump. Thanks for your feedback LA!

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  4. One of the most endearing things I ever heard was a kind comment from someone I supervised after I bungled a presentation – big time. It was a tough situation with senior, senior leaders micro-managing the agenda and I got so flustered…mispronouncing names as I introduced guest speakers. I wished I’d been more poised under pressure but the feedback from a sweet person on my team, recognizing my distress and giving me a thumbs up for fortitude helped me turn a rocky situation into a gratitude moment. Your advice — ‘get out of your own way’? So good! 😎

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    1. Oh, thank you for sharing Vicki. Yes, I may have wrote those lines, but I still need to hear them too. I had a presentation yesterday and felt like I rushed it. Good to hear . . . get out of your own way. Ha, ha, very much needed. I’m glad you can relate. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  5. Smart and I’m sure ultimately the best decision Brian- to reach out and include the group! There are absolutely times that we just can’t do things alone. Being a wise leader means knowing that and fixing your own outlook!

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  6. Food and coffee always help bring people together! Sorry you had that roadkill moment on Aisle 9! 🤣 It sounds like you were able to win the long game though, so yay for the resilience!

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  7. Oh no – the coffee and donut spill. I felt the pain of that – and the waste of some delicious good will. That and the title which is so evocative, at least for those our age who saw that commercial, make this such a powerful post.

    But I love how you turned it around. This, ” I asked questions about how I best could help” is brilliant! Wow, we’ve all fallen – its what we do next that matters most. Thanks for reminding me how to turn things around! ❤

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    1. Oh my goodness Wynne, what a mess. It was everywhere. It was a new building too so I had no idea where to go to start cleaning everything up. It took the janitor a few minutes to show up and help. Ugh. What a mess. And yes, I love good headlines. As soon as I thought of the life alert commercial, I knew that I had to use it. Of course, it sent me down a google search reading up about the commercial and other 80s commercials. Of course, I had to watch Wendy’s old Where’s the Beef commercial too. Ha, ha, too funny.

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      2. You shouldn’t have told me that Wynne, I told you I went down a rabbit hole, how about these memories to be stuck in your head the rest of the afternoon:

        –“When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight” (FedEx)
        –“We will sell no wine before its time” (Paul Masson California Wine)
        –“I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys R Us kid” (Toys R Us)
        –“Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?” (Grey Poupon Mustard)
        –The Best Part of Waking up is Folgers in Your Cup.

        I know I’ll be singing I’m a toysrus kid the rest of the day. Hmmm. Ha, ha. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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    1. I hate that it’s so scary. Why is that? I know for me, part of the reason is being vulnerable, showing others that I have no idea what I’m doing, that I’m one big imposter!!! Ha, ha. I’ve definitely gotten better about asking for help as I’ve gotten older, but I still have my moments. I still think of all the times when I would so much calmer if I had just asked for help earlier in the process and was less worried about being needy.

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      1. I can completely relate! In whatever area of life, we feel are *supposed* to be competent and it’s all too easy to spin one error or unknown into a catastrophe. I’ve gotten better, but it hasn’t necessarily gotten easier… I’ve just learned to act quick and get it over with before I can change my mind. 😂

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  11. Whenever I’ve been tempted to walk away from a difficult situation but found the courage to “stick it out,” I’ve always been glad I did. Sometimes our mere presence can go a long way toward making things better, and I also learned that I had strength and reserves I wasn’t aware of.

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