Losing my patience!

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

You can work on improving your purpose and focus.

You can work on your discipline and work ethic. 

You can even work on your trustworthiness and integrity. But when it comes to resilience, get ready for more than a few challenges. We’ve been writing this month on The Heart of the Matter on resilience. Many things go into persevering, staying mentally strong and gritty, and pushing forward when everything else tells you to throw in the towel, but patience is a big part of the mix.

But, here’s the rub. 

I’ve been working all month on being more patient, but the mere fact of putting patience under a microscope, has made me more impatient. Over the years, I’ve heard all the old home-spun truisms and slogans. I’ve learned them from my parents and teachers and even in Sunday School and none of them have stuck:

–Everything comes to him who waits.

–Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

–Rome wasn’t built in a day.

–We must learn to walk, before we can run.

–Success comes one step at a time. 

–Every great story happened when someone decided not to give up.

Oh, these are all great words of wisdom, but my response is less than flattering: Blah, blah, blah. In the immortal words of Ebenezer Scrooge: “Bah humbug.” I like to say that I’ve lost my patience, but I suspect I never had it to begin with.

Now to figure out how to become a more patient person, a more resilient and determined individual?

Outsmarting life!

When I was college-aged, I was always amazed by a friend who seemed to be the role model for grace under pressure, nothing ever seemed to get under her skin. I asked how she was so patient and she joked that she prided herself on turning negatives into a positives. If she had to wait to use the lab or for a grade on a paper, she would find ways to make the time work for her and, likewise, if a professor moved up an assignment, she would move things so that she would have time for something else later.

Safe to say, I never got her enthusiasm. I would be upset at the unfairness of the situation. I would stomp my feet and have a mini temper tantrum, angry at how the professor’s inability to be organized negatively affected me. I’ve just never been a very patient person. 

Learning to walk before we can run

Which leads me to my simple question. I come asking calmly and as patiently as my crazy soul can muster:

  • How do you improve your level of patience? How do you become more patient?
  • What tips do you have for practicing patience and courage in the heat of the moment?
  • How do you increase your stamina and resolution and become more persistent?

Yes, yes, I’d love to hear your input. I’ll be the deranged person in the corner frustrated and angry, waiting impatiently for the pot of water to boil, and for all of your wonderful responses!

……

I write more about patience or, better said, my lack of patience, in my post today, Wanting a different answer, on my WordPress blog at Writing from the Heart with Brian. You can follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

Images by Tima Miroshnichenko by Pexels.

42 thoughts on “Losing my patience!”

  1. Pingback: Wanting a different answer! – Writing from the Heart with Brian

  2. Imagine you are waiting for service in a long line. If you fume, what do you gain? On the other hand, you can often reframe this as an opportunity to learn patience. Think of the unhappiness that the employee dealing with the frustration of those in line must deal with and find sympathy for him. As your old friend suggested, use the time, perhaps to talk to someone in line with you or plan your day, etc. Remember that you have survived far worse dilemmas. A quasi-Buddhist approach.

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    1. Yup, a great suggestion. Perspective is a big one for me. It does help to look around and put myself in other’s shoes. I think some of my biggest moments of impatience in recent years has had to do with things not happening to me per se, but family members. The protective skills coming into play. And while that’s probably good, I need to watch taking those empathetic skills too far. Great ideas!

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      1. Thanks, Brian. I will add one more. Gratitude to all those in the line and behind the desk who gave you the opportunity to enhance your patience.

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  3. Hmmmm….I learned a lot about patience when I became a mother and I’m way more patient now than before. For me, my patience level accords with what can be done about the situation. If I’m stuck in traffic, I’m oddly patient because unless I can spot an alternate route, there’s nothing I can do. When I’m impatient is when I feel things aren’t being run properly…when there’s inefficiency. I’ve also learned to take deep breaths and always have a book on hand…

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    1. Like you, I found that parenting helped immensely. I find that control definitely plays a big part of it – both whether or not I can do anything to make things better and whether the thing I need patience is happening to me or to someone I care about. As my kids have grown into adults, I find that I have much less patience related to things that are happening to them. And you hit the nail on the hit, things that are inefficient and or not productive bring added frustration. But yes, it helps to put things into perspective. Great ideas.

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  4. This sounds so silly…but I’m gonna share it anyhow. When I’m stressed out I nearly stop breathing. When I’m stressed because my impatience is taking over, I am THE shallowest breather on the planet (okay, I also exaggerate 🤣 a tad…a little dramatic flair) but honestly, I swear there’s a connection between belly breathing and finding more patience. I’m sure there’s a study to point to that bears that out but I’ll just share…it works for me! I’m with LA…deep breathing all the way.

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  5. I’ve taken a lesson just from reading the comments so far Brian- focus on something else in those moments. The more we focus on why we’re not getting where we want to be, or why the line isn’t moving, or why we’re on hold for 5 hours… you move from impatience to frustration to anger. I love LA’s thoughts on control and realizing that some things are beyond you as an individual so you turn to Vicki’s belly breathing to focus and get an oxygen boost to your brain and body- so it’s a win!

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  8. Oh, I loved this line, Brian because it describes me too, “I like to say that I’ve lost my patience, but I suspect I never had it to begin with.” Right near the end of his life, my dad taught me something that still brings tears to my eyes. He wasn’t a very patient person for things either – he MADE things happen and he worked quickly and he didn’t like not having a solution. But he had all the patience in the world for people. When I turn my impatience into the realization that it’s other people who are also involved and they have stories and growth to also content with, and then focus on faith that it’ll eventually get “there, for whatever there may be” my patience for going with the flow and feeling my way through grows.

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    1. I’m glad you wrote this Wynne. it puts a mirror up to my face. I’m pretty empathetic to others. I think my mom played a big role in that. I think my job, helping others comes into play too. I’m able to think of how things affect others. Where most of my impatience comes is either frustration with things or frustration for others (family, friends, etc.) and not being able to help them with things such as health issues, inefficient systems, etc. Saying all that, your reminder that everyone has a burden or challenge they’re carrying is an important one. It puts a face behind the problem. And I do need to come back to my faith. I think that’s a missing piece right now. A great suggestion. Thank you.

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      1. I love it, Brian! We have to release the Mr. D and Miss O book of wisdom! And I love your reply to my comment because you pinpointed something that is so true – sometimes not being able to help someone else shows up as impatience. Our inability to help gets cloaked as something else — that’s brilliant!

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  9. As I was pondering the question, the Serenity Prayer popped into mind:
    God grant me the serenity
    To accept the things I cannot change;
    Courage to change the things I can;
    And wisdom to know the difference.
    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. . .

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  10. I’m still working on my patience, but one thing that is helping me is to simply accept the truth of the situation: the line is moving slow, the elevator is taking forever, I’ve been in the same spot on the freeway for 5 minutes. The truth of the situation is that I cannot control it, therefore I will accept it (which, essentially, is the Serenity Prayer).

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  12. Patience shouldn’t be synonymous with passivity. Impatience can get things done although an excess of it doesn’t benefit the person or those around him or her. I’m alone here in thinking that a little bit of impatience is normal and can even be positive. Everything in moderation, eh?

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  13. “Patience is a virtue” “they” say. It’s also hard to cultivate! One of the benefits of aging, for me, is that I have become more patient. I think your old college friend had the right attitude: she was able to pivot, re-adjusting her sails, and choose to fill her time doing other things…which kept her from perseverating on the unfairness of having to wait. Great post!

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  14. Your answer is right here in your writing – “I was always amazed by a friend who seemed to be the role model for grace under pressure, nothing ever seemed to get under her skin. I asked how she was so patient, and she joked that she prided herself on turning negatives into a positive.” Hang out with her or people similar and you will be surprised at the change you will see in yourself!

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  16. I also admire people with great patience and grace under pressure, Brian. I think for me it’s being a parenting that forces me to hone and to finetune this skill everyday!

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  17. Omg maybe it’s time to find that woman from college on social media and squeeze the secret sauce out of her in an interview or something because SHEESH could I use it? I catch myself getting worked up and try to take a moment or a breath to compose myself. Then, I turn around and it’s like some other dumb sh*t always seems to happen just after I thought I’d composed myself.

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    1. Ha, ha, yes, she’s definitely got the secret sauce. We’re still friends. Usually catch once or twice a year. She’s just always had a confidence that things would work out. I find it especially remarkable, because I know she’s faced her share of challenges (family, financial, etc.) The lesson I keep learning from her is to just keep trying. No great words of wisdom, no easy fixes like I want, but to just get back up on the bike each day and try again. Ha, ha, ugh. It sounds like you have the right idea. Keep working on the composure and keeping moving ahead. Thanks so much for reaching out!!!

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