Last month’s posts about resiliency inspired me. It’s amazing how we find the courage to bounce back from difficult situations, drawing upon deep wells of inner strength we never knew we possessed.
Or, in my case, listening to an ‘80s pop song.
In 2006, my life got flipped, turned upside down when my marriage went up in flames. She’d been my high school sweetheart, but after 14 years of marriage, we simply grew apart. Plus, she was stepping out on me. Which is really just a politer way of saying she was cheating on my ass.
We sold our home, split the proceeds, and were each able to buy condos thanks to the red hot PNW housing market. We worked out a shared custody arrangement with the kids, who were six and 11 at the time, and I suddenly found myself living alone for the first time in my adult life.
I was 37 years old and terrified.
For starters, there was the prospect of dating. My wounds were fresh, but I was in the prime of my life and didn’t want to be celibate grow old alone. Everyone assured me there were plenty of fish in the sea, but I had no idea how to reel them in. I wasn’t exactly Rico Suave with the ladies, and if you were too young in 1990 to know what I’m talking about, feel free to google Gerardo. (Or really, don’t.) I had basically settled down as a teenager and never dreamed I’d be going out on dates again.
Single parenting – something else I never imagined I’d be doing – was another part of the equation. Our custody arrangement was straightforward: the kids would split time between both parents. One week on, one week off. At first this was no big deal; during those tumultuous final months of our marriage, I’d pretty much been doing it all myself anyway. The kids looked up to me as their hero, because their mom was never around. Stepping out is full-time work, don’tcha know.
That first kid-free week I was lonely and miserable. I’d never lived on my own before and didn’t know what to do with myself. After three days of wallowing, it suddenly dawned on my that I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted. So, I ordered a pizza and watched Rocky.
And I realized that movie was the ultimate parable about overcoming adversity. I was so impressed with Rocky Balboa’s rise to the top despite overwhelming odds, it was all I could do not to hang a side of raw beef from the ceiling and start pounding it with my fists. Instead, I watched the rest of the Rocky movies, and in Rocky III – the one with Mr. T – I found my anthem: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor.
Rising up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I’m back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive
The next few years were challenging. I ended up dating a bunch of crazies, the kids grew rebellious, and I found myself upside down in my mortgage after being saddled with one of those sketchy ARM loans. Those were hands down the darkest days of my life. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I’d listen to “Eye of the Tiger.” It always gave me the will to fight.
So many times it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don’t lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive
When I lost my job in 2010, I realized I had long ago given up on my dreams of the past: my passion was writing, yet I had settled for lame customer service jobs. I asked myself, WWRD? What Would Rocky Do, of course, was fight for what he wanted. I faced long odds, as I had no professional experience as a writer. But I possessed two important traits: talent and confidence. So, I geared up for the fight of my life.
Face to face, out in the heat
Hanging tough, staying hungry
They stack the odds ’til we take to the street
For the kill with the skill to survive
I didn’t get there right away. It took several years of paying my dues, taking assignments that paid $12 (not an hour; $12 total) just to build up a portfolio. I landed a few freelance assignments here and there, segued into a marketing job, and eventually – in December, 2012 – opportunity came knocking. I was offered my first-ever full-time writing job, and I have never looked back since.
Rising up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I’m not going to stop
Just a man and his will to survive
Along the way, the rest of my life fell into place, as well. I met Tara, a fellow blogger, and despite the fact that she lived 900+ miles away in Ely, Nevada (long-distance relationships never work, right?), in two months, we will celebrate our 10th anniversary. We are incredibly happy together, have a wonderful home in Wisconsin, and I get paid to do what I love.
And while I got where I am through hard work and determination, I feel I owe at least some of that credit to a pop song from 1982. Thank you, Survivor, for making me a survivor.
(featured photo from Pexels)
The Heart of the Matter 
Thanks for sharing this!
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I think you have shared bits and pieces of this here and there over the years, but never in consecutive order from start to finish.
Love how you put the lyrics of the song in the article.
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Thank you! Yes, I’ve alluded to it all now and then – and maybe on the early days of my blog, when I first started dating Tara, I went into more detail – but summarizing it all like this in a new place feels refreshing.
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Indeed, well said! The way you, Mark, incorporated the lyrics reminded me of another song you might like in the context, Tubthumping, which goes like this:
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Haha! Believe it or not, “Tubthumping” came to mind when writing this post. I don’t even have to click on the video link because “I get knocked down, but I get up again / you are never going to keep me down” is the ultimate resiliency anthem! Plus, they reference all kinds of great beverages. 🙂
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What a lovely story (and a great song)! It’s amazing what we can overcome. Thanks.
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Thank you, Michelle. Glad you enjoyed it!
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What a great story of resiliency and recovery indeed, Mark. I love the connection with Rocky, the first movie was so inspiring. And nothing gets the blood and spirit pumping like a good 80s song, and The Eye of the Tiger is a timeless classic!
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What’s great about the first movie – SPOILER ALERT – is that Rocky doesn’t even win the fight…but that doesn’t matter. He was able to rise up from the mean streets and had a shot at the title. Proof that “winning” in the traditional sense isn’t everything!
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The journey is what makes the story indeed and not the destination and outcome!
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And isn’t that the perfect metaphor for life?
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Love all that you shared, Mark – and most of all, Happy Early 10th Anniversary to you and Tara. Wynne and I had a little side chat about ‘pump up’ songs (similar to Ab’s comment above) and I love Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down”. My ‘Eye of the Tiger’. Big smiles! 😎
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That’s another great choice! I love Tom Petty and feel very fortunate to have seen him live a few years before his untimely passing.
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Oh…so jealous! I still can’t believe he’s gone. What a treat that you were able to see him live. 😉
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Thank you for sharing your story! It’s amazing how we can come from a dark place that doesn’t appear to have a way out and discover that, in fact, life not only goes on but can be even better than we imagined. It sounds like your first wife did you a favor.
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Honestly, Tara and I are so grateful she did what she did. My life wouldn’t have been nearly so fulfilling if we’d stayed married. What didn’t make it into this story was the fact that she wanted to reconcile at the last minute, but by then, I was too over it to even contemplate such a thing.
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Thank you for sharing your back story. The challenges, the pain and the struggle make us what we are, but I hate living through those times. I’m glad that it’s in your rear view mirror and you’ve moved forward into a happier future!
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While the struggle was hard, the payoff makes it all worthwhile!
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That is quite a story. You hung in there and did it! I’m impressed.
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I chalk it up to the fact that I’m a Taurus, ergo, stubborn. 🙂
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👍🏼
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I love this post. Not only can I relate to the overall story of the divorce and all that comes with it, but I love hearing your bigger story. Funny how you can say “I got divorced” and it conveys some of the meaning but little of the story. I love your resiliency and how you used Eye of the Tiger to push through. There is so much goodness in having a mantra for those hard times. Thanks for the great post!!
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I never thought of it that way before, but you’re right. I’m pretty sure most, if not all, of my regular readers know I’m divorced…but how many know the story behind it? Even this barely scratches the surface.
Thanks for allowing me to write anytime! This is a great forum for those posts that don’t really fit into my personal blog but still demand being told. I appreciate that.
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Love your writing, perspective, and your story, Mark! I’m glad this is a forum that supports the stories that demand to be told.
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Oh, what a great story and it definitely fits the resiliency category. Wow. I gotta say, I love how apropos Eye of the Tiger is too. It could be that I love 80s music, but funny how appropriate it is. I can relate to to the $12 assignments. Ugh, but glad your hard work paid off Mark. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you, Brian! And how appropriate that the name of the band is Survivor. This song works on more than one level for me.
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I knew most of this, but thanks for filling in the missing pieces. That’s great that the song became your anthem.
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I was thinking, if I had to pick one regular reader most likely to know this already, it would have been you! 🙂
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sorry that was a mistake.
I wanted to say I enjoyed reading your story of determination. I’m glad you now have the life you want.
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Thank you, Brenda. It’s kind of amazing still that everything worked out so well!
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What a story . . . “Every champion was once a contender who refused to give up.” ~ Rocky Balboa
Congratulations on your soon to be 10 Anniversary and wishing you and your soulmate a grand celebration! And enjoy beautiful Wisconsin this time of the year!
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Great quote, and further proof that the movie and the song work together so perfectly!
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What a great story of overcoming, Rocky! What an inspiration you are, not just for your resiliency, but for your courage, perseverance, and faith along the way. Good on ya’!
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And my fondness for mainstream Top 40 hits from the past!
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Nice. I once listened to that song to pump myself up to smash a ginormous spider on the ceiling of my son’s bedroom. Hard to say which of us had it tougher. 😉
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Clearly, the answer is YOU.
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Lol!
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I loved reading about this part of your life; it was a dark time, but it shows us who YOU are and what you’ve overcome. I’ll never hear that song and not think of you overcoming adversity when you had to. BRAVO Mark!
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Thanks, Suz! There are so many other songs in my life that bring up very specific memories, too. I guess that’s true for most of us.
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Great post! Very inspirational, as I too have always dreamed of earning a living as a writer. And you live in Wisconsin? So do I. I refer to it as Minnesconsin (being a native Minnesotan and having Minnesota less than 30 minutes away). Cheers!
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