Borrowing Trouble

Posted on by Wynne Leon

Of all the trouble that I have these days, I wonder how much of it is borrowed.

Here’s why I ask. I’m starting a new job tomorrow. It doesn’t feel like an entirely new job because I’ve worked with these folks for the last 6 months as an independent contractor. But then they handed me a job I wasn’t looking for. Even though it wasn’t on my radar, all the signs were clear that I should do it.

But I made the mistake of checking my work email last Friday as I was still on vacation and got a preview of some of the muck I am stepping into.

Which meant that I woke in the middle of Friday night/Saturday morning thinking about it. Worrying about how this drama with a client would play out. And also how these colleagues would react to the process changes that the person who hired me wants to make. As I turned the permutations over in my mind, I could hear the waves crashing on the shore outside my open window. It made it even more clear how silly I was to have this anxiety while I was still on vacation.

As I lay there, I thought about the question that Miss O had asked me that day. A friend that had come to visit us was experiencing anxiety. Miss O was carefully watching this friend and her inability to be at ease when she wasn’t engaged in a task. Then later, given how curious she is about how people think and react, Miss O asked what anxiety was.

The simple explanation I came up with, for better or for worse, was that anxiety is when excitement tips into nervousness. Then my mom contributed that anxious has another meaning, one that we often see as more positive, like “I’m anxious to see you.”  

It brought to mind for me that these words and feelings are part of a continuum. Last week when we arrived at the place we were staying for a week, my kids were too excited to sleep. They bubbled over with that joyful enthusiasm for the adventures that awaited them on the beachfront of Whidbey Island. They weren’t particularly clear on what those would be and their excitement, exhibited as hard to cork energy, bubbled over.

Laying awake in the middle of Friday night, I experienced the same symptom of sleeplessness but as anxiety. I don’t really know what will happen with some thorny issues when I take this job and so they loom like dread. The anxiety creeps in when I start mapping out how things will play out when I haven’t even yet started the job.

While I don’t live in a state of anxiety, I am a frequent visitor there. The thing I’ve found that works is to lean in to my faith. If I trusted my faith that this was the right job to take, then I can trust my faith that I will be able to do it.

How much of my trouble do I borrow? Most of it. From a tomorrow that will likely never play out as I plan or worry about. Time to go sleep until tomorrow actually comes.

For a companion post about choosing faith as an anecdote to anxiety, please see the post on my personal blog: Deep Contentment

(featured photo from Pexels)

47 thoughts on “Borrowing Trouble”

  1. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” – Matthew 6:34

    A spiritual truth and axiom of life that’s proven itself in my life countless times, but my impatient human nature consistently challenges and feeds worry when I find myself trusting myself more that Him.

    Keep Looking Up Wynne . . . He’s got this!

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  3. It’s like ‘first day of school’ unsettledness, I think. And…I loved your last line so much I used a good chunk of it for the IG post and graphic today. Wisdom right there! Have a great day, Wynne — you’ve got this! 🥰

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  6. …anxiety is when excitement tips into nervousness. I like that definition. For me fretting is what prepares me for what is to come. I like to think of it as putting anxiety into action so that I feel proactive. Probably makes little sense, but there you have it. Good luck on your new job.

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    1. Thank you, Ally! I looked up anxiety when I got home from vacation – and your description of fretting as preparation aligns well. Fear and anxiety have helped to prepare us to face things down so yes, it makes perfect sense. Hope you have a good Monday.

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  7. The thing about tomorrows is there is always one on the horizon. “ Time to go sleep until tomorrow actually comes.” and you can’t do anything about it until it becomes today. Then just do what you can because we can’t do more than that. Best of luck! And I have a feeling from reading you for the past couple months you’ll figure out a way to make your own luck if necessary!

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    1. Some really great wisdom, Michael – “just do what you can because we can’t do more than that.” Exactly! And thank you for the well wishes and really kind comment. I appreciate it!

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  8. Many have said, “Good luck is the residue of preparation.” You have prepared your whole life and overcome worse than this, I am sure. I am betting on you, Wynne!

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    1. Thank you for the vote of confidence, Dr. Stein! I thought of you and your comment that you didn’t seek out many of your opportunities in life, when I was handed this job. So here it is and I’ll do it… 🙂

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  9. Oh, you’ve nailed it Wynne. I can so relate to this post. As soon as you mentioned looking at email before you started a new job, I started waving in slow motion, saying “don’t do it Wynne, don’t do it, save yourself.” Ha, ha. I too have taken on borrowed trouble. It’s easy to say don’t worry, but I like how you’re putting your stress to words. Yes, it’s excitement that tips into nervousness. For me, the challenge comes back to worrying less about the many different problems that could erupt and instead seeing the excitement for what it is, excitement about a new oppty. Congratulations on the new job. 🙂 🙂

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    1. I laughed as you tried to save me. I love this, Brian. “For me, the challenge comes back to worrying less about the many different problems that could erupt and instead seeing the excitement for what it is, excitement about a new oppty. “ I was just wondering why I don’t feel the excitement like my kids do. I need to remember this practice. Hope you are enjoying your new opportunity as well! 😁❤️❤️

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  10. Well congratulations Wynne! I am in Ally’s camp. I don’t think anxiety is necessarily a bad thing unless it begins to encompass your life of course. A bit of anxiety helps me think over decisions and maybe even shines a light on things I need to ask, investigate or make sure I really understand when I’m facing a new situation. In some way a bit of anxiety in a new situation may be the aspect that provides clarity so that you can move forward in a new adventure. Best to you 🙂

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  11. I am praying for your wisdom and insight in dealing with this predicament. Who knows—maybe this job came your way because you have gifts that can bring healing and resolution to a sticky situation. Maybe your own special brand of talent is what is needed here. I’m a believer in no accidents. You’re there for a reason! Look to the light, dear Wynne, and you will see it! 🙏🙏🙏

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    1. I love your reminder to look to the light, dear Julia. Always needed and you are so right – the opportunities we need are right in front of us. Thanks for the encouragement. ❤️❤️❤️

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  12. It’s so easy to fall down a rabbit hole of worrying. I often think back to my cancer treatment and how I felt far less anxiety then than I did about many everyday things. Early in the journey, I decided I couldn’t control the outcome and I needed to put my trust in God. I need to remind myself of that more often.

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    1. So well said, Michelle. I need to remind myself of that more often too. The description of your letting go of control with cancer and finding less anxiety because of that really says it all. Thank you!

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  13. Your definition of anxiety as excitement tipping into nervousness is a good one and it brings to mind the visual of a teeter-totter. With both the new job and the dog, you’re stepping into something new – excitement and a bit of anxiety are both appropriate responses. As you suggest, it’s when anxiety becomes a state of mind, rather than a fleeting emotion, that trouble starts brewing. Congratulations on all the exciting new goodness in your life, Wynne!

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  15. Good luck with your new job today, Wynne. I also have faith you will do well and figure it all out.

    Checking email while on vacation really is asking to borrow trouble indeed. I’m not judging because I am so guilty of doing this myself. It just robs us of the joys of our vacation. 😆

    I like how you lean into your faith because it always reminds and reinforces to us that things end up being ok in the end.

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  17. Such a powerful message in the concept of borrowed trouble. Its something I think we can all be guilty of, and need to guard against. I hope the new job is going well and I’m sure you are more than capable of dealing with whatever problems come your way. Just be careful not to take on others’ troubles

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  18. Congratulations on the new job! 🎉 When I was teaching, I was surprised how many teachers would arrange to have their school email messages sent to their personal cellphones (I wanted no part of that!). Then, they couldn’t fight the urge to check it constantly, and would complain that their free time was being sucked up by school and workplace drama.
    On a sidenote, a few weeks ago, I mentioned to my adult daughters, that I was anxious to do something- as in looking forward to it. They didn’t understand why that activity would stress me out and I’m not sure they really believed me when I explained that “back in my day” anxious had multiple meanings 😁

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    1. Thanks, Todd. What a funny conversation with your daughters – when we were growing up the “looking forward to doing it” was the only definition I knew of the word.

      And your colleagues – I’m rolling my eyes. What a surprising outcome… 🙂

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