A different kind of joy

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

I’m not looking forward to the drive. It’s a long one. We’ll be on the road for four to five hours. I wouldn’t call it dread, but I’m not jumping for joy either. My son, though, has been counting down the days. In a week and a half, my wife and I will be driving our son back to school for his second year of college. 

He’s loved the college experience. In his first year, he challenged himself and made a ton of new friends. He did better than he thought in some classes and had to put in plenty of late nights with others. He’s developed into a mature, responsible, independent adult. It’s been fun to see him establish himself.

Mama bear on duty

As parents, we nurture and teach our children, we work with them, we help them. When they reach a certain age, you set them free. Of course, Richard Bach’s famous quote comes to mind, “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t, they never were.”

When I see that quote, I always think about when a mama bear sets her baby bear free into the world, does she cry out? Does she chase after her baby? When a mama or papa eagle see their baby eagle fly away, do they fly after it. What about a doe or buck?

Oh, my wife and I have become old pros at saying our goodbyes. We’ve watched our two older children go through this process. In my minds eye, I keep thinking of when my son was a young toddler and I dropped him off at the babysitters on my way to work. I never got used to the hand-offs. I could never get rid of the feeling that he needed me and I wouldn’t be there for him. I would leave with a tear in the corner of my eye.

Competing emotions

So this trip will be interesting. I’m bracing myself for when we have him all set up in his new apartment. I know that he’ll be fine, but I’ll still worry about whether he has everything he needs. As strange as it sounds, when we get the goodbyes out of the way and the miles stretch out before us, I’ll have joy in my heart. 

Joy?

We’re writing about joy this month on The Heart of The Matter and, yes, as crazy as it sounds, I’ll be joyful that he’s “finding himself” in this crazy world. When my wife and I get back home and look in his empty room, I’ll wish that he wasn’t so far away. I’ll wish that he was just around the corner. 

But, I’m joyful that he’s building something for himself. It’s taken my kids leaving home for me to realize that joy comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes.

Have you ever been joyful and sad at the same time? What’s joy mean to you? 

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Please join in on the discussion on the HoTM site. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com to read the companion piece I wrote today or follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

Images by Pexels. 

51 thoughts on “A different kind of joy”

  1. Pingback: Letting go – Writing from the Heart with Brian

  2. Good point about how joy and sorrow are closely intertwined. I remember graduation from undergrad and being filled with joy about earning a college degree while sad that I’d never see most of these fellow students, my college friends, again.

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  4. I think major moments in life bring an array of many emotions, but I can see how you have joy and sadness at the same time. Sadness that he’s growing up, that he doesn’t need you; but joy that he’s grown into a strong young man who has learned the skills to survive on his own – and probably keen and excited to move on. You should also feel pride at the young man you and your wife have helped shape

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  5. Can I confess something? I love those bittersweet moments of joy and sorrow. There’s an intensity there that’s unmatched and my reactions are typically out of my control when it happens. Real and oh-so ‘in the moment’. Thanks for sharing, Brian. 😊

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    1. I get it completely Vicki. When I feel those bittersweet feelings . . . I definitely know that I’m alive. There’s no other feeling like it. I think you’ve described the best way to deal with them too . . . being “in the moment.” At least that’s what’s worked for me. Thank you so much.

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    1. Oh thank you LA. Bittersweet is a great descriptive term. I would worry if my son wasn’t ready to go back and if he wanted us to stick around for a while. So yes, it’s a bittersweet feeling. You want them to fly, but you don’t want them to fly too far away from you. ha, ha.

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  8. Beautiful post, Brian! What a great description of love – joy, sadness, and letting go all in one. And that moment of saying good-bye contains all the tension and promise. I love your confidence in your son and the work he’s doing – he’s lucky to have you as a dad!

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    1. Oh, I may worry about my kids, but I’m more confident in them than anything else in the world. If I have any faith, I get it from them. They can achieve anything they want. Oh, I know they have doubts, but I don’t. I’m just trying to keep up with them! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  9. Excellent illustrations of how emotions are all tied up within each other and why it’s often so easy to move between those feelings from moment to moment. It does seem that kids, no matter their age, are great at bringing all those ups and downs out in their parents. They never seem to get it either- unless they choose to have kids of their own- or pets 😉

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  10. Now you have me curious about animals in the wild, and whether the mourn or chase their grown offspring. I suspect the answer is no, and most creatures acts purely on instinct. I think the bittersweet emotions are beautiful–a uniquely human experience.

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      1. I know! I’ve never witnessed the moment of departure, so I’m truly curious if there’s any trepidation or reservation. Time to set up yard cameras, I suppose! 😂😎

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  11. Beautiful post. You captured the feeling so well. When we drove our daughter, our youngest child, to college, we had planned to stay for two or three nights in a nearby hotel to make sure she was okay. We soon learned we were in the way. We texted to say we’d stop by to say our final goodbye after one night. She was relieved. I wanted to say something profound but couldn’t get any words out. She gave me a knowing, loving hug and off we went.

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    1. Yes, we’re staying overnight when we drop off our son off because of the five hour drive home, but I’m not even sure we’ll see our son the next day. He says he wants to do breakfast with us, but I know he’ll be hanging out with friends and getting back in the swing of things. All good, but crazy too. Oh, the joys of being a parent. Ha, ha.

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  12. Reading about you and your wife facing this is helpful to me.

    My oldest will start high school end of this month and I’m wondering where on earth the time went. With how quick all that time has flown, it seems likely the fractional piece standing between here and him going to college (should he choose that) will pass more quickly.

    Watching my kids grow is definitely a bittersweet experience. Part of me wishes I could keep them tiny and innocent–but then I’d miss the joys of seeing them grow into their unique, fuller selves … so, bitter to let the past go, but simultaneously sweet to see the present–and those fuller selves!–unfold, for sure.

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    1. The time really does fly by. I swear my kids are still all in diapers. Now they and reality all disagree with me, but in my head, I still see them as young kids. Ha, ha. I do some whining in my pieces about my kids growing, but at the same time, it really is great to see them grow and make their own choices. It’s neat when you can have “adult conversations” with them. I find it makes me feel younger. Enjoy high school!

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  15. This post really spoke to me Brian. Our older daughter recently moved across the country. It has been five years since we dropped her off for her first year of college but, until now, I took some comfort knowing I could jump in the car and be with her in an hour if necessary. Now she’s thousands of kilometres away—2 plane rides, or 1 plane ride and a 5-hour drive. But, I’m happy for her.

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    1. It is funny what the difference that a car and plane can make. Yes, it might be a long drive, but I always feel like, if they need me I can be there in X number of hours. With a plane, it’s all up to the airlines. Crazy. Hang in there though. I do love that technology can really shorten the distances now. It really is a crazy mix of joy and sadness all at the same time.

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      1. Great point about technology. When we moved to Canada from England 50 years ago, you had to actually call the operator to make an overseas call and they would call back when there was a line available. My sister, who stayed in England, said she cried all day on Christmas Day because she couldn’t get through on the phone. Times really have changed.

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      2. Our son was in Asia this past Christmas. I won’t say that it was same as before because it wasn’t, but thanks to video it really did feel at times like he was just in the other room. Your loved one away … just gives you more reasons to travel!!! 😎😎

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      4. Exactly!!!! I couldn’t go this time, but my wife just got back from visiting our son in California. I thought I might never come back, she loved visiting him. Good for you! Trips help make the distance feel less imposing.😎😎😎🛩️🛩️🛩️

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    1. My kids like to tease me because it took me a while to figure that out . . . being in their face one minute wanting to know everything that was going on and then trying to step back and let them have their own life. I gave them whiplash. I’ve gotten better at it. Ha, ha, Thanks for commenting.

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  17. “But, I’m joyful that he’s building something for himself. It’s taken my kids leaving home for me to realize that joy comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes.” – this is so true! Cheers to you for being an amazing dad, but of course you already knew that!

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    1. Oh, no, I’ve fed you a bunch of lies and untruths. I’m definitely not an amazing dad!! I have lots of faults. Just ask my son. I’ve probably bugged him so much over the past few days … he can’t wait to leave. Ha ha. I think I’m like most parents, I try to do my best and mess up along the way.

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  18. Oh this one tugs at the heartstring, Brian. But the Richard Bach quote rings very true.

    I also can’t help but think of your other post about the umbrella. You and your wife lend him your metaphorical umbrellas so he’s ready for the real world.

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  19. Pretty much every time we’ve latched the door on the U-Haul and pulled out of the driveway, waving goodbye to friends and family, has been a mixture of joy and sadness. I guess you could say I’m an old pro at it, too.

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