Working for Joy

Posted on by Wynne Leon

A couple of weeks ago my son, Mr. D, was really focused on wanting a motorcycle that he described as red and turns into a boat. Expecting this was the fleeting fancy of a four-year-old, I listened, nodded, and told him to show me a picture of what he wanted the next time he saw it.

But he stayed consistent enough about wanting this particular thing that I snuggled into the couch with him to search on Amazon for what he was talking about. What he selected was a red, ride-upon-motorcycle for kids that was more than $100. I said it was really expensive but we could put it on his wish list. Thinking that the “writing it down” would work to exercise the desire, I again thought we were done.

Like a dog on a bone (it feels like I’ve earned the right to use that well-worn phrase now that I have a puppy in the house), he stayed with it. Needing a new strategy, I told him he could pick up the plums that were falling out in the yard and earn the money. If he was going to be so determined, we might as well put it to good use to try to keep the plums that were falling in the dozens away from the puppy.

Again, he surprised me by going out multiple times, without being asked, to perform his task. At least five times which seemed to me to be practically a job commitment given his age. I gave him a generous rate of 50 cents per plum. Over a few days he earned the money for his motorcycle.

This process took a while, the plum picking, the ordering, the waiting for delivery, and then at the end, the few hours for me to assemble it. At the end, when he got on his beautiful new bike, I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen such a huge smile on his face, bigger than his birthday less than a month ago when he received all sorts of cool gifts.

Which put an image to the idea of how meaningful it is to work for things in our life. Of course, I know that as a grown human who has experienced the difference in value between things I’ve worked for and things that I’ve treated carelessly because they’ve just been handed to me. The power of envisioning – setting our hearts on something, imagining what it would feel to have them, being intentional about working our way towards them – it’s a process that is powerful as actually getting the thing.

But to watch it in a four-year-old, I see how amazingly transformative it is to work for something. I’m frequently self-critical when I sense my own acquisitiveness, but this red motorcycle and my determined four-year-old has reminded me there is another side to the coin. The joy that results from honest pride and accomplishment, can light up a life.

I’ve written a related piece on my personal blog about how praise can fall flat when it doesn’t match the inner ear. Check it out if you have a moment: False Positives

52 thoughts on “Working for Joy”

  1. Pingback: False Positives – Surprised By Joy

  2. This plum-picking/motorcycle story warms my heart for what it is and for something else it evokes for me! I see here what it looks like to lay the foundations for hope, and it is fantastic. ❤

    "hope is not an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process. Emotions play a supporting role, but hope is really a thought process made up of what Snyder calls a trilogy of goals, pathways, and agency." — Guess who, haha 😀

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  5. I’m always impressed and amazed at your parenting. How easy it would be to order it and save it for Christmas or a special occasion. But you managed to make it a worthwhile experience and helped instill work ethic.

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      2. And a tidy backyard. Well said, Vicki! I think Cooper got a taste of a plum yesterday but hasn’t swallowed a pit so I’m counting it as a win. And the plums are down to the last 20 or so (fingers crossed) so hopefully we’ll get through this season of growing up without a plum disaster. Thanks, in part, to Mr. D!

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    2. Thanks, Elizabeth. I consider that a great compliment coming from you as a clearly wonderful parent. I frequently observe that I’m better at parenting than I would have been in my 30’s. For sure!

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  7. I love the sense of satisfaction and pride that comes from working for something. Honestly I’m not sure if I would have said that at 4 yrs old but the whole concept has grown with me over time. I even feel rather uncomfortable when bigger ticket items are gifted rather than gained.

    I love that D is learning this early and what a sweet ride! I wonder if he’s already got his next earnings opportunity planned out? I see a top level entrepreneur in his future 😉

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  8. Gosh, I love this, Wynne! Seeing the big dreams and follow-through at four-years-old is heartwarming, and I’m sure Mr. D will cherish this hard-earned toy more than most.

    My mom paid me to help with small tasks for her business when I was young, and I vividly recall how proud I was to earn (and the save, or spend) my own money. It such a great lesson to offer your kids. 😊

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  11. I agree with Elizabeth. Love your parenting. When I see some of the things you’ve done with your kids, I want to go back to mine and say hey, how about we do a do-over. Ha, ha. I love this story Wynne. You’ve taught your little man a wonderful lesson. And one that I suspect he’ll have some great memories well into the future. Thank you for being a great role model.

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    1. Thank you, Brian. My parenting definitely benefits from being in my 50’s. Somehow I’m more flexible to create solutions than I would have been when I was younger. But that’s the only way I’m more flexible since my body protests on a regular basis. 🙂

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      1. I have thought at times how I would be different if I had my kids now. Yup, lots of negatives and positives. I can’t change or move back time … so I’m going to keep moving ahead and try to learn the best I can. Thanks for the great role modeling Wynne!

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      2. Well said, Brian. Pros and cons either way so we just make the best with what we can. I love benefitting from your lessons learned – it helps me immensely!

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  12. Wynne, I hope someday you will put all your champion, mother knows best, parenting tips to a book for parents! Let’s just say Mr. D is now riding for a cause – the plum picking challenge! After cruising around the neighborhood will he zoom off to school and pop-a-wheelie for his classmates!?!?!?

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    1. Oh, Mary. You are prescient. Yes, he’s very excited to show his classmates his new motorcycle. The funniest part is that it has a loud “engine” startup noise and a radio that plays music so he has a lot to show off.

      And thank you for your lovely vote of encouragement. You are so kind!

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  13. Wow, Wynne! You were super generous with the fifty-cents per plum offer. What incentive, what a wonderful life lesson you provided for Mr. D. I suspect that my life in the financial lane would have turned out a lot different if my parents had attended the “Wynne School of Parenting School”. Well, maybe next time!

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    1. You are right, Julia, it was a generous pay scale that leaned towards making him work for it but also getting the little entrepreneur to his goal. As to Wynne Parenting – I’m just making it up as I go along and you all provide such valuable feedback!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  15. Well, I’m going to recommend you as someone who pays well. What about the company health plan?😉 Seriously, this is such a valuable lesson for any child to learn. I guarantee that this gift will be a little more special to your son because he earned it. Parents who give their children whatever their hearts desire at that moment (Lord knows it will be something different next week) aren’t doing their children any favors in the long run. I know adults that still can’t complete the equation of A + B = C, and your son will always remember how he paid for his motorcycle. What a valuable life lesson!

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    1. Thank you, Pete. This is a lovely endorsement for teaching the basics. And yes, the plum rate was quite advantageous. I was trying to figure out the right number to keep him motivated but also working hard. That’s some calculus all on its own. 🙂 I find that some of these default responses come directly from how I was raised so hats off to my parents for instilling some good ideas. Thanks for the lovely comment!

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  16. Way to go, Mr D, for working towards and earning the motorcycle. What a beauty! And kudos to you, Wynne, for imparting a wonderful lesson to him. I agree with you that this must’ve been a transformative journey to witness and you made it happen.

    Hey, if you need more help picking plums for 50 cents each, let me know. I’m game. What a generous employer you are! 😆😊

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    1. Isn’t it sweet? I was putting it together and it felt solid enough for me to ride. I wanted to take it for a spin but I didn’t want to break Mr. D’s investment before I handed it over. 🙂

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  18. That is a fine-lookng red motorcycle! It’s so important to teach our kids that money doesn’t grow on trees—although in this case Mr. D. earned the money picking fruit that literally did grow on trees. I’m sure he will appreciate it all the more since he had to work for it.

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