Finding your people

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

The playground as a kid could be a cruel place. We all tend to have a horror story or two about getting picked last to play kickball or so-called friends ratting out our secrets to the rest of the kids playing during recess. Saying all that, friendships seemed to come much easier when we were kids. As an adult, making friends can be hard work.

You rarely come in contact with potential friends like you did as a kid. And when you do recognize the possibility of a friendship, you tip-toe, back and forth. You walk a fine line. It’s a crazy dance across the ballroom floor, full of anxiety and trepidation. 

The importance of friendship

But when a friendship works, it’s a wonderful thing. There’s something especially amazing about friends that you can pick up and call or chat with after months away from each other and fall back into routines like you’ve never left off. Yes, I’m an introvert. I get my energy by reflecting and in quiet time, but when I find my people, it’s a beautiful, joyful thing. 

Here’s what I mean. 

My phone chirped the other day. It beeped again. I wasn’t expecting any text messages. In fact, it caught me off guard. I had just talked with my kids the previous day and I knew my wife was working. I picked up my phone and looked down to see who was messaging me. 

Sure enough, I had gotten a text from long time friends of my wife and I. Instead of working on a work project, I was instantly taken back a lifetime ago to a trip to Toronto to visit our our friends. We were running like little kids on a cold fall day through the Toronto Zoo without a worry or care. The trip was pre-kids. Heck I was still skinny and had hair, but there I was remembering things about a long ago trip and our friends. 

And for a few minutes, texting back and forth with my friend, I was a time traveler, reminiscing about times past and why our friends mean so much to my wife and me.

The joy of friendship

Yes, good friends are hard to come by nowadays for a myriad of reasons. Life is busier, we tend to live our lives now in a digital world, spending our days in zoom meetings instead of meeting face-to-face; we’re often scared to make the first move. 

Every study on aging though seems to point to the power of friendships helping us live longer lives. I’m not sure about that, but I know this much: When I see my friend’s names come up on my phone, I get excited, I know that something good is on the way. 

Yes, friendships are hard, but when you find your people, there’s real joy behind it. Yes, sign me up for friendship. 

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Please join in on the discussion on the HoTM site. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com to read the companion piece I wrote today or follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

Images by Pexels.

37 thoughts on “Finding your people”

  1. One of life’s greatest joys is a text or call from an old friend, especially those where you can pick up where you left off no matter how long it’s been. This feels like the just the nudge I needed to go out into the world, make the first move, and try to meet some new people and, maybe, end up with a new friend.

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    1. Oh, that’s awesome Erin. I know I need that spark some times. It can be hard for me to make new friends. I guess it’s just being introverted. But, it’s cool when you’re deliberate in your attempts and come back with a new friend. A great experience. Good Luck.

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  2. Love your point about how much friendships matter…across time and distance…and how strong, positive feelings persist. I feel so lucky to have many, many blogging friendships right here. Thanks for being one of ‘my people’, Brian! 😉

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  7. This is so good, “When I see my friend’s names come up on my phone, I get excited, I know that something good is on the way. ” I sense the excitement from here. What a beautiful ode to friendship! So good! ❤

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  9. I think at this point in my life I yearn for a few “all in” friends who can understand and share in life and even problems experienced by older, aging adults. I’ve lost touch with people over the years as we moved in very different directions with very different choices. Having someone who understands where you are in life, or even what you still seek means a lot.

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  10. I agree with everything you’ve written, Brian. There are few things more powerful than that of human connection. I read to seniors in assisted living twice a week. While literature is the thing that brings our small group together, the real payoff for them is the opportunity to talk and know that someone still values what they have to say.

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    1. Thanks Pete! Good for you volunteering to read to seniors. I’m not much of a joiner, I guess it’s the introverted side of me, but I need to find something like that, a way to give back. I get what you’re saying about seniors wanting to still feel valued, I think we all yearn for that. Thanks for the comment.

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      1. There are plenty of great organizations that don’t require a lot of public speaking if that’s not your thing. You might consider finding an issue you’re passionate about and looking for creative ways to help. I once volunteered with an organization where I read newspaper articles into my cell phone. The articles could then be accessed by the blind or those with vision deficiencies so that they could stay up on local news. It would be the perfect volunteer activity for an introvert.

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  11. Good friendships that stand the test of time are truly a blessing indeed, Brian. It definitely is about quality over quantity and friendships naturally whittle and narrow down over time. How nice it is that you got that opportunity to catch up with your friend!

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  14. I moved around far too often growing up to make any real friends (my dad was in the Air Force). On the plus side, that made it much easier for me to move a couple of times as an adult in order to find my perfect home.

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  15. I know how you feel. Some people text me and I sigh loudly, bracing myself. BUT when an old friend texts I perk up, ready to have some fun. Even if the news is lousy there is an underlying layer of companionship.

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  18. Brian – I have many good girlfriends and I know I would not have made it through a lot of the crises in my life without them. We’ve talked about this and have wondered if friendships among men are different than those among women. Based on observations, we’ve kind of concluded that most men don’t have friends, except their spouses. Since the friendship you mentioned here was with a couple and shared with your wife, maybe you can mentally compare how you roll in that area with what you’ve observed about your wife’s friendships.

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