Josie’s Method

Posted on by Victoria

I had a long coffee chat with a former student last week. We’ll call her “Josie”. I love our periodic catch-up convos where she updates me on her life, and I cheer her on. Josie’s accomplishments are many, but her pursuit of perfection often gets in her way. She has stamina and drive but despite her talents, she still tussles with her inner critic.

As an adult child of an alcoholic, Josie carries remnants of her childhood insecurities and loneliness. She remembers being in a near constant state of anxiety – seeking approval and acknowledgement from her father.

“Maybe this time he’ll notice me”.

A hopeful thought emblazoned in Josie’s head and heart. One that she lugged around for decades. Unresolved, unattainable.

Through hard work, she’s evolved. I see it. I’m sure many others in her life do as well, but her inner voice? Ohhh. It can be unrelenting.

As we talked Josie thanked me, which I’ll admit is uncomfortable. I’m truly grateful for the connections I’ve sustained over time with sweet students. That’s more than enough. But she persisted, wanting to acknowledge a tip, a self-care technique that she said she learned from me and still uses, years later.

I smile. I wonder where she might be going.

“You remember…the one that helped me get pesky thoughts out of my head.”

I smile again. “Hmm. Tell me more.”

Turns out Josie put a spin on a gratitude lesson – a ‘two good things’ practice. Not new, not mine, but one that’s straightforward. Effective. Simplicity can be powerful.

“Your TWO GOOD THINGS exercise,” she said. Two things I’m grateful for. And you said it was important to write them down. So I could look at the words. But I changed it. I doubled up.”

I smile and nod, encouraging her to go on, wondering what she meant by ‘doubling up’.

“Before I write down my two good things, I write down what’s bothering me.”

Not fancy, Josie says. Often just single words or phrases. Other times? Words come pouring out…sentences becoming paragraphs morphing into pages.

“Seeing what’s bugging me gives me a sense of control, like knowing the enemy. Then I can do think about the two good things. Thinking about ways to deal with my frustrations. What I’ve got going for me.”

Isn’t she smart? 😊

I’ve mentioned this book before. It’s one of my favorites, Dr. James Pennebaker’s “Opening Up by Writing it Down”. Josie’s example could be a testimonial for the book – or any book that encourages us to identify and address our feelings as a starting point for growth.

And Josie? Her adoption of a self-care ritual is the secret sauce. Finding habits that work and relying on them is a substantial portion of any recovery process. Tailoring to suit her needs and personality? Even more empowering. Who doesn’t need a dose of resolve, summoned from within?

I mentioned to Josie that I’d probably write a blog post about her magnificent method, and she thought that was awesome. One day I think she might write her own book of self-care strategies. Until then, feel free to lean into the “Josie Method”. It works for her, and it might for you, too.

Vicki 😊

A little more? Check out this post about writing and healing: Write it Out – The Heart of the Matter (sharingtheheartofthematter.com)

44 thoughts on “Josie’s Method”

  2. This makes a lot of sense. I’ve found that writing down my concerns helps me keep them from going in a loop and seeming greater than they are. We all have our survival methods, I guess. Hopefully they’re healthy!

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  4. Oh, I love your amazing stories about your wonderful students. Wonderful full circle moments about learning. Love love love that you’ve shared your stories and wisdom and it comes back to us as incredible life practice! So good!

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  6. Such a great system. Acknowledgement of what is troubling you as a lead to the good stuff. And possibly finding out the good stuff is just as powerful a voice to be heard. I like that but the key of course is Josie makes it a ritual. That’s where I always drop to ball.

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  7. Clearly, you are a great help to this young woman. The word “lugged” is a perfect way to describe Josie unended want for her dad’s approval. I understand that the Two Good Things exercise helped her.

    I am curious to know whether this effaced her need for her father to say he was proud of her and loved her? I realize she might not have provided enough information to answer this.

    Great stuff, Vicki. Thanks.

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    1. I love how you tease out the most important bits. Sadly, her father passed a few years ago and while that lessened some of her unresolved feelings, they’re still within her. Thank you for your thoughtful follow-up, Dr. Stein. 💕

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      1. I treated many who waited too long to attempt to resolve this with the parent before his or her death. I hope Josie finds peace as time passes, perhaps with the help of therapy and also from the kindness and wisdom of her favorite teacher: you Vicki. Thank you.

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  8. Josie’s method is definitely a smart and self-aware method. Writing it down is such a great way to acknowledge our blessings. And Josie’s doubling up method is a great idea to alleviate the itchy bits. Synchronicity or coincidence? I’ve been reading a book about these methods. And have been trying it. Slightly different, but all with the same outcome, growth. I’ll share here in a future post. I’ll have to look up the book you mentioned. Thanks for sharing this inspiring post Vicki. And wishing Josie the very best!

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  9. Awesome. I loved this: “Who doesn’t need a dose of resolve, summoned from within?” Her method reminds me of Seligman’s Three Blessings. I always start it and somehow forget about doing it. I need a dose of resolve.

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    1. Good one – about Seligman, Elizabeth. Thank you for that. I hear you. Good intentions that go awry when it comes to remembering to practice those things that we know are good for us. I’ll keep trying if you will! 🥰

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  10. Josie apparently developed enough confidence in herself to decide she was going to take the bull by the horns and move forward. Her add-on to the “two good things” practice was just the boost she needed. What a great idea! 🙂

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  11. It must be gratifying to see your clients show growth over time. I can see why you would make an excellent therapist. You are a good listener and an articulate speaker.

    My daughter-in-law is also a therapist. She was working in the prison system. Ironically, she found the inmates sometimes easier to deal with than the guards. She felt disrespected by some of them, who made her feel like what she did wasn’t worth the effort. How sad! Now she is an independent contractor, meeting with her clients online.

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    1. Thank you for the generous compliment, Pete. I love knowing that your dear daughter-in-law is a therapist. Working in the prison system is a very challenging environment. Kudos to her for making good choices for herself professionally (and I bet personally, too). Hugs to you! 🥰

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  12. Beautiful, Vicki. Our inner critic truly is awful and gets in our way. But I love how Josie owns these thoughts by writing them down and taking away their power. I’m going to have to try this when these intrusive thoughts get in my way!

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  14. A marvelous circle to your post: Josie learning from you, then Josie teaching how she built upon the lesson. And what a profound lesson. Seeing words unfold on the page as our anxieties and our gratitude. (But then, of course I would be big fan of writing!) Also, your post is marvelous for the continued connection with your former student. 🌞

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  16. I’m so glad I came back to read this Vicki. A beautiful story. Oh, I know you have a ton of projects but here’s another. A book on your interactions with your students and what they’ve learned. Absolutely love your posts like this one. This line especially spoke to me: “But she persisted, wanting to acknowledge a tip, a self-care technique that she said she learned from me and still uses, years later.” I could see myself in it. I share a need to find approval. As I’ve grown and learned tricks and tips to move on, I find I need to share with people who’ve made a difference in my life — to tell them and thank them. Great stuff Vicki.

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    1. You are so generous with your feedback, comments, ideas! Thank you, Brian. I love the idea of storytelling about my students. Giving me something to mull! That pesky need for approval seems to be so pervasive…one of those things that connects so many of us. Grateful to you for sharing! 🥰

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