The Heart of the Matter

From across the office, I saw my manager get up to leave. I sped up to try to catch him. I could tell that the changes he had made to his diet and his exercise program at the start of the year were working because he had already made it to the parking lot. When he turned and saw me running out of breadth, he put his messenger bag down on the trunk of his car.

He knew what was coming. Our team was working on a large research project and he had organized us into smaller teams of two or three members. I had lots going on and had been arguing against the idea. I hated the idea of the “dreaded group project.” My boss listened, but stuck to his guns. He thought it would be a great way to split up key tasks and bring the team closer together.

But, but, but

Of course, I didn’t say this part: I especially hated the idea because I was teamed up with Chip. We had started about the same time and he came in with a strong background. However, he could be standoffish and a know-it-all and few people had warmed up to him. Plus, he had a reputation for being less than committed to the job. Team members regularly whispered about his habit of getting into work late and being the first one out the door.

On top of it all, Chip didn’t share the everyday struggles that the rest of the 20- and 30-year old team members faced. When it came time for pot-luck lunches, he never seemed to bring anything into the office or offer a few bucks to help defray the costs. And he certainly never went out with the team after work for a coffee or a beer.

Finally, we seemed to be night and day different. I tried to get along with everyone. He could be testy and difficult and kept to himself. I liked to be organized and work with a plan. He tended to like to see where the project took him. I would say X, he would say Y. I would turn left he would turn right.

We were nothing alike.

A reminder of what’s right

The project was going to last months. I feared we would waste a ton of time in the process. When I lost my discussion with my boss, however, I knew that it was best to drop the idea. It was one thing to be creative and propose a different idea. It was another thing entirely to be viewed as a stick-in-the-mud, or worse, the guy who couldn’t work well with others.

I put my head down and forged ahead. I performed my day job while also working closely with Chip. We did different jobs so it was my first time seeing him in action. Everything was going fine, but the first few weeks were still tough. We kept hitting a brick wall and work was starting to catch up to me.

Two things changed the course of the project and my mindset.

Late one day in the middle the project, I stepped out to grab a coffee. While I was in the cafeteria, I ran into a friend. I figured she’d be understanding of my situation, but I was shocked when she told me that I should really give Chip a chance and that we just might hit it off.

I was miffed. I had been there for her countless of times. Where was the sympathy? Where was the understanding? Instead her message was simple, keep an open mind.

Later that night, I got home and turned on the TV. I clicked through channel after channel until I came to a station running the movie, To Kill A Mockingbird. There stood Atticus Finch, the main character in Harper Lee’s Pulitzer Prize–winning story, arguing for an innocent man.

As much as I hated to admit it to myself, I couldn’t get Gregory Peck’s stunning performance and the irony of story out of my head. Little guy stands up to racism, prejudice, and the importance of doing what’s right. It reminded me too that you never really understand a person or the burden they’re carrying until you consider things from his or her point of view.

Who was Chip? What was he really made of? I had been meeting with him for weeks and I still couldn’t answer that question.

New approach

I turned off the television, made myself a decent meal, and got a good night’s sleep. I have to say, I went into work the next day with a new attitude. I decided to give my coworker the benefit of the doubt.

When he came in late — at least late for me — instead of fuming quietly, I kept things light and asked him how he was doing. He apologized for his tardiness. After a long pause, he told me that he had custody of his younger brother and sister and they were late getting up and around and off to school that morning. His parents had died four years earlier and he had to step in as his younger sibling’s guardian and father figure.

I choked on my coffee. I would have never guessed the story. My peers and I all assumed he had come from money. We took his breeziness and coldness for an easy life. Instead he had responsibilities well beyond the rest of us.

His openness was a small gesture, but it started to break down the wall between us. I soon learned that Chip had strengths I didn’t have. I also found out that we had a lot in common and our working styles were actually quite compatible. I wouldn’t say that we became bosom buddies, in large part because within a few months, I moved to a new job. However, we became a lot closer. We learned a lot about each other and ended up making a great pair.

The shame of it is that I almost never got the chance to know Chip better. I would’ve missed a good thing if I hadn’t listened to my friend in the cafeteria and the great Atticus Finch.

Yes, we all carry burdens that no one knows. It’s best to listen and give each other the benefit of the doubt. It’s best to be human.

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Check out my personal lifestyle blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com to read other pieces by me. Be sure to follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian. Thanks for reading.

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