When to Stop

Posted on by Wynne Leon
A view of the Caucus mountains from a deck of a hut at 13,000 feet.

More than 20 years ago, I signed up for an expedition to climb Mt. Elbrus in Russia. At 18,510 feet, it stands as the tallest peak in Europe. I convinced a couple of friends to join me and we were part of a group of nine clients and two guides attempting to summit.

We flew to Moscow and then flew a Russian airline down to the region where the Caucus mountains rise. After that it was something like a five hour bus ride to the base of the mountain. We spent a couple days doing hikes to acclimatize to the altitude and then set off with our full packs to climb the mountain.

The first leg was to climb up to a hut at about 13,000 feet. After a night there, we waited for the right opportunity to push to the summit. When it came, we headed out at about 2am to start our bid.

The weather was bitterly cold and windy. We slowly made our way up to about 15,500 feet and then sat around for about an hour waiting for the foggy conditions to clear so we could continue. When the break never came, we headed back down to our hut at 13,000 feet.

I remember being utterly spent after that attempt. Wind is the element that undoes me and I was frozen to the core. But when the guide announced we’d make another attempt to summit that night, I tried to rally. After all, we’d spend a great deal of time and effort getting to this spot. I was the only female client in the group. I suspect I was extra motivated to prove I could hang with the boys.

But dinner that night was mashed potatoes out of a box with tomato sauce and tuna on top. [You can say it, “Gross!“] I forced down a plate of it and then two hours later started throwing up. Another guy dropped out of the summit bid because he had a cold and the two of us stayed behind while the rest of the team summitted.

I didn’t feel badly about that at all. I was elated for my friends. I didn’t have it in the tank to try again and needed an excuse for what I couldn’t acknowledge directly. Fortunately, my stomach accommodated me.

Here’s the thing I learned from that trip. We spend a lot of time and attention selecting what we want to start. And then we fail to apply that same amount of discernment to when we should stop.

I still struggle with that wisdom. Last week my morning tea bag stuck to its paper wrapper so that when I opened it, there was a hole in the tea bag. I thought I could salvage it by transferring the tea to a reusable tea strainer. Finally, after five minutes when my sink was strewn with loose tea leaves, I realized that it was time to get a new tea bag.

Sometimes we just have to know when to stop.

(featured photo is the Caucus mountains from the deck of the hut at 13,000 feet on Mt. Elbrus)

You can find me on Instagram @wynneleon, LinkedIn, and my personal blog: Surprised by Joy

I co-host a storytelling podcast featuring authors and artists with the amazing Vicki Atkinson. To tune in, search for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Spotify, Apple, Amazon Music or Pocketcasts (and subscribe) or click here. Or the YouTube channel features videos of our interviews. Please subscribe!

My other projects include work as a CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer), speaking about creativity and AI through the Chicago Writer’s Association, and my book about my journey to find what fueled my dad’s indelible spark and twinkle can be found on Amazon: Finding My Father’s Faith.

47 thoughts on “When to Stop”

  1. That must’ve felt so disappointing, Wynne, but you also gained a valuable life lesson that day: knowing when to stop. In some cases, that knowledge can be lifesaving too.

    I agree with you that we spend so much time planning the start and entry and we should also know to plan for when to stop and exit.

    Love your mountain climbing stories and this was a good one to start the week. Enjoy your short week ahead, together!

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  2. It always surprises me how despite all odds we are determined to finish what we started. Followed (sometimes) by guilt ( that dreaded word! ) and disappointment when we decide it’s over. It sounds as though your digestive system was definitely sending you a message that time Wynne! 👌😊

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  3. I am in awe of you for doing this first of all, and you are so right, it’s much easier to giver ourselves permission to start something and jump right in and embrace it fully, ready to go, but much harder to leave that something. I think this metaphor applies to all of life, including relationships.

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  4. I’m with Beth…in awe of you and I’m a believer in your message this morning, Wynne. I’ve found it’s easy for me to roll into new things (okay – not mountain climbing!) but MUCH more difficult to extricate myself from stuff. Starting? Easy peasy. Stopping? Gah. You tagged this post with the word ‘discernment’…a perfect word to describe this process. 🥰

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  5. Wow, wow, wow! What an amazing feat you achieved to hike 15,500 feet in a bitterly cold environment…in Russia! That is incredible, Wynne. And I know that’s not the main point here, but it also deserves a huge shout-out. It is freaking amazing. 😊 And yes, what an intriquing thought about the imbalance between building up the “start” and not being able to navigate the “stop.” I hadn’t really thought about that and it’s going to be on my mind today and moving forward. It’s super interesting. Thanks, Wynne!

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  7. Climbing to 13,000 feet in the bitter cold with wind gusts is quite an accomplishment. Knowing when to throw in the towel may have saved your life-or your hands and feet! I enjoyed your account and your message. Thank you, Wynne! 🙂

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  8. You are a brave one, Wynne. I’d add, we don’t always have to give an excuse and even if we do, we don’t have to win the argument. It might cost us friends, but in a case like yours, capitulation could have cost your life.

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  12. I’m impressed about you climbing to that high! And I think it took grace for you to acknowledge that you “didn’t have it in the tank” to try the second time for the summit. You make a great point about being smart in realizing a time to stop.

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  14. The wisdom is in knowing when to exit. I think we hang on too long sometimes because we don’t want to disappoint others and ourselves. It takes a lot to understand when to persevere and when to let go. And sometimes our bodies force us to let go, as yours did.
    Still, 13,000 feet is no small feat. You should be proud of yourself.
    And I’m genuinely curious, you and your group scaled down thousands of feet thinking you’d try again the next day? Seems like double the work. I’m assuming there was nowhere to stay or no camp area at that altitude?
    I’m clapping for you girl for climbing that high and for knowing when to let go.

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    1. The group was able to stay at that mid-point hut at 13,000 feet so it didn’t require going all the way back down and up again. Still, it was a lot of climbing!

      You are so right that it takes a lot to understand when to persevere and when to let go! You said it perfectly. Thanks, Alegria!

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  15. As someone who doesn’t give up easily, this lesson has come to me slowly. There are times when we have to let common sense prevail, despite our tendencies to persevere.

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  17. “Sometimes we just have to know when to stop.”

    Wise advice Wynne. 👍🏼 I found myself pushing my “OverAchiever” Button way too often and then finding myself with lost energy and disappointment. Honey chile, you learn with age, and I am STILL learning! Great lesson my friend. Hugs and smooches! 😍💖😘

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  18. I’m impressed by your feat. That’s so foreign to my life experience, although I can relate to the part about the wind. Knowing when to stop–that’s a challenge. There’s such a “never give up” mentality in our culture that can put us dangerous or frustrating situations. I’m dealing with my own “time to quit” dilemma, and your post was very encouraging!

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  20. I love these climbing stories- very exciting! Great point about applying our knowledge to figuring out when to stop. Are you sure there’s no book of climbing stories/lessons bouncing around in your head?🧗🏻🤩

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