A spoonful of honey

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

Two years ago, I had to travel from Philadelphia to Atlanta. As I waited to get through airport security, two Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents stood in front of me. They had just relieved two other agents and were having a deep, animated conversation. It took me a minute, but I figured out easily enough the gist of their conversation.

They were sparring over who was better: All Time Great Basketball Players Lebron James or Michael Jordan. (For the record, I fall in the Jordan camp, but neither of the two TSA workers asked me.)

The line behind me was growing in length. I had gotten to the airport two hours early. I knew I had plenty of time before my plane was scheduled to board. I still felt bad for the rest of travelers. I coughed to try to get the TSA agent’s attention. I considered asking if something was wrong. Finally after several minutes, the agent closest to me motioned for me to enter the scanner.

I struggled to hear her over the commotion. She instructed me to place my feet on the yellow footprints. Then, she told me to lift my arms up in the air. I did what she said. When the machine made a pass, I started to exit the scanner. 

Holding up others

Since I was a kid, I’ve had mild nerve damage in my left ear, resulting in hearing loss. I generally manage fine, but it can be challenging to hear in loud situations. So of course, I didn’t hear the TSA agent say that the machine was making another pass.

When she saw that I missed her directions, she came running up to me and scolded me for moving. “Sir, you’re holding up the line. You need to re-enter and start again.” She seemed rather irritated. For a second, I thought she was going to prevent me from flying.

I considered asking why she cared now about keeping the line moving. She didn’t seem to care all that much earlier, but I knew that would just slow things down. Nonetheless, I followed her instructions. The scan went again and I was soon on my way.

The TSA has an important job. It screens passengers and their luggage. TSA agents play a critical role in protecting the public from potential threats. It’s a tough, thankless job.

Lessons from mom

Still, every time I travel and come into contact with TSA, I can’t help but recall a lesson my mother taught me growing up. I had to be about seven or eight and we were baking in our kitchen. I stood on a stool and played with the flour on the counter. My mother got it out of me that I was having problems with my teacher. I wanted my mom to instantly take my side of things. Instead, she told me that “you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

I looked up at her and questioned the point of her comment. A few years later, actor Gary Coleman on the TV Show Different Strokes would make a mint saying exactly what was on my mind: “Whatcha talkin bout Willis?” Coleman said it anytime his brother on the show said something that he didn’t like.

In that same vein, I asked, “Whatcha talking about mom? Flies? Honey? What’s that got to do with me?”

Of course, she was explaining that being kind and pleasant to others makes it easier to get what you want. She told me that aggressive and demanding behavior never helped anyone. She sprayed me with flour and told me that I should think about how I treat others. If I treated them with kindness, maybe they would return the kindness. 

There’s a lot of different ways of offering that message: 

  • “You get more bees with honey.”
  • “You get more with a carrot than a stick.”
  • “Being kind is more effective than being mean.”
  • “Kindness goes a long way.”
  • “Sugar is sweeter than salt.”

A different approach

I like to think of the expressions as questioning how we want the world to be. Do we want a world of Sylvester Stallone Rambo’s blasting away hell-or-high-water? Or do we want a world of Betty White grandmotherly types making us laugh and smile?

Sure enough on my return flight, I saw firsthand how someone “skilled with honey” handled a difficult situation. When I went through security this time, the TSA agent must have noticed the exhausted look on my face. She pointed to my Penn State University sweatshirt. And then she said that she grew up outside of Columbus, Ohio, rooting for the Ohio State University. She told me that when the football season came around in the fall, OSU was going to clobber Penn State. She laughed though when she said it and I couldn’t help but laugh back. 

Her tactics were different, but they worked. Since we were engaged in a conversation, I listened intently and followed her directions to a T. And you know what, I was in and out of airport security faster than any other time I’ve traveled. 

Yes, I find it amazing, but honey really does work. It’s the perfect cure-all. When’s a time that being pleasant and kind has helped you through a challenging situation? Let us know in the comments.

. . . . . . . . .

Check out my blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com. I have a companion piece today, Lessons from Mom, where I share a few of the other simple lessons I’ve learned from my mom. Be sure to follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian. 

Thanks for reading.

38 thoughts on “A spoonful of honey”

  1. Pingback: Lessons from mom – Writing from the Heart with Brian

  3. I love this, Brian! I’m Team Honey all the way. After all, isn’t that we all stick together? 🙂 Bullies get a lot of attention while those who kindly elicit cooperation get things done! Beautiful post!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. So many lessons rolled into one post, Brian. I agree…a little sweetness always helps and interestingly (for me) a side order of self-deprecating honesty. I’ve found that owning my stress, ignorance, anxiety in tough situations can (sometimes) spark a little compassion. Oof! 😜💕😜

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Oh, that’s the advice my mom used to give me Nancy. I was always frustrated that I had to be nice to . . . everyone. As a kid, it made no sense to me. You’re mean to me, then I’m going to be mean back. Ha, ha. I’ve gotten better as an adult, but I still have my moments. Ha, ha.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  10. The honey and Betty White approach always works best and your mom imparted wise advice with you. It’s not always easy and vinegar is often the tempting approach but honey always work best. 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. I thought of you and your post this morning. I had to get bloodwork done at the lab and the lady at registration was so cranky with everyone. So I poured on the honey and guess what, she was lovely to me! 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m Team Betty all the way. I realize that TSA agents have a challenging job, but traveling is stressful for many of us. Those workers who are professional and kind are going to find that people will be more cooperative when you treat others with respect.

    By the way, I’m also in the Jordan camp, though I appreciate the skill of James and Jordan. We sports fans should just appreciate athlete’s individual talents, but we seem to have this obsessive need to say who is best.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. I appreciate that saying and have used it myself on more than one occasion. I have to say though, I bought a vinegar-based fruit fly trap last summer that worked like a charm.

    I’m probably being too literal here.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. Bravo to mom…always! 👏🏼 Yep Willis, I know whatcha talkin’ ’bout! I mean Brian. Trust me I’ve heard that honey story too since I was a little too vocal when something or someone rubbed me the wrong way growing up. 😲😝😜 I use the honey method, but at times I may need to rub a little salt in the wound! 🤣😱😂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment