Pushing Our Boundaries

Posted on by Victoria

On Saturday, March 22, Melissa Kirsch, writing for the New York Times wrote:


Being new at something isn’t always pleasant, but beyond the discomfort, rewards await.


Kirsch’s story was about her adventure in attempting to learn the ins and outs of Mahjong and I immediately thought of my dear friend Kathleen, who, by all accounts (regular phone calls where she gives me the scoop) she’s achieved what was initially unthinkable. Not only has she learned how to play Mahjong, but she enjoys it!

Kathleen’s experience mirrors what Kirsch said, especially here:

Being bad at something feels bad. Being new is often unpleasant and embarrassing. Of course we default to doing things we’re good at. We like to be confident and comfortable and look cool.
But here was an invitation to community. An invitation to be bad at something with other people, with the goal of getting to the other side: a new hobby, a new ritual, maybe…

I don’t see myself jumping into Mahjong anytime soon…or pickleball for that matter…but when I needed to goose myself along recently when I was invited to join a writer’s group, I needed to summon the same resolve. It’s okay to be a beginner…to be the new girl. It’s okay to let go of those blasted ego needs related to projecting confidence.

Have you done anything lately that pushed you beyond your pre-set boundaries?

Depending upon my mood and disposition, I find my own ‘pre-sets’ shift day-to-day. Sometimes I think I’ve got the goods and can handle a dose of humility. Other days? The urge to retreat is strong. And wins.

Kirsch isn’t the first person to highlight the potential ‘rewards’ when we extend ourselves, but her column made me smile. Thinking about Kathleen and her adventures and those I embark on…a writer’s life where being bold is a requisite skill. Blinking cursors and blank pages. Many of you know what I mean.

As I settle into my new writer’s group, I’ll keep you posted about all that I’m learning. It’s only been six weeks but the early rewards of being around thoughtful creatives is already giving me a boost.

And now I want to learn from you.

Tell me about something you tackled recently. Something that was fearsome but became a confidence builder, reminding you of your potential, your agency, your skills.

I’d love to know!

-Vicki 😊

P.S. Have you read “Shut Your Monkey” by Danny Gregory? Wowza! Wynne and I can’t wait to share our next podcast with you. Danny…the talented Danny who is an artist, author, teacher, speaker, and former advertising superstar knows A LOT about slaying those inner critics…or what Danny calls our ‘monkeys’. Tune in this coming Friday, March 28 to be inspired.

Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press.

Check out this link to learn more about my book “Surviving Sue” – all about resilience and love.

Click here for Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcasts. Listen and subscribe. Thank you! Click here for videos of our podcasts.

61 thoughts on “Pushing Our Boundaries”

  3. The most boundary pushing thing I’ve done lately is cooking. I used to just “assemble food” (salad, sandwiches…)or make things that don’t require any actual cooking skill (frozen stuff). But recently I’ve been trying expand into actually making something and it’s gone not perfectly, but overall not bad! Each good meal pushes me to try another.

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    1. Wowza…you said something that really hits home. Even if it’s not perfect…when we push ourselves a little we’re inclined to keep at it. Celebrate those cooking wins! Thank you, Todd! 😁🥰😁

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    1. Oh my goodness? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised…that you can play via an App on your phone…it sounds SO complicated. But I love that it helps you get ready for slumber town. Good, good! 🥰

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  5. Ack, you are so right on about how uncomfortable it is – but worth it! And I love the tease for Danny’s episode because he has so much wisdom about taming that monkey! Such a great and inspiring post, Vicki!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  6. My blog post this week was me pushing myself to try something new. I usually tell stories or share information, but I decided to write more stream of consciousness style using a one word prompt. Not my usual at all, don’t know yet if it has propelled me forward or not.

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  7. I always admire someone who can tackle something that is hard for them and overcome the challenge to find a measure of success over time. it’s somehow even more sweet than it coming easy from the start. one big thing that I did a few years back ,that I never thought I could do, was to take part and finish a 60 mile, 3 day walk to raise money for cancer research. first of all, the physical part, and secondly, asking people for money, even though it wasn’t for me, but for a very good cause. I ended up training with a couple of friends (that grew to a team of 18) and we walked in all weather, sometimes together, sometimes alone, every possible day, gradually building up our stamina and distance, and at school, some of the parents helped me to fundraise, and one of my team members worked for a company that matched our donations, and we talked a restaurant into donating part of a night’s reciepts to the cause and so on. in the end, we raised a lot of money for a great cause, made it all the way through, with just some blisters and sore body parts, had the time of our lives and had memories that will last forever. I was so proud of us, myself included.

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    1. Wow! Such a terrific example of the ripples of goodness when we push ourselves. That’s an amazing accomplishment on so many levels, Beth. Really appreciate you for sharing an impactful example. Hugs to you!
      ❤️🥰❤️

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  12. Before I answer, I am so happy that you shared the news about the writer’s group. I think it was last fall when you referenced going to a meeting and nervous about it. I think you had to meet some standards to be included? Anyway, Yay! This is silly, but in January I purchased one of those watches which tracks your movements, steps etc and gives you a tally. Since I hate to exercise, I viewed this purchase as an experiment only. I kept telling family, I may return it. Well, guess who can not NOT meet her goals everyday? Haha. I even upped my steps yesterday. It’s so strange (but positive) that I’ve adopted and adapted to this new world of exercise accountibility. 😊

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    1. I’m smiling…SO BIG! “Guess who can not NOT meet her goals everyday?”. Ummm….ya know what? I didn’t need a hint! YOU! YOU! YOU! I think it’s part of the connective tissue that ties us together, my friend. So similar. I’m also using an App to keep track of some health stuff and Paul asked me the other day about it because I’m super faithful to it…just six weeks in. I don’t want to blow a streak, right? Thanks for the giggles and cheers to you for your good health habit! 🥰
      And…your memory about the writer’s group. How do you do that? Yes…I was very nervous but when they reached out and offered membership I was thrilled. And then terrified all over again…but so far, so good. Big hugs to you, dear one! 🥰💕🥰

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      1. Ha! You nailed it, Vicki. “I don’t want to blow a streak, right?”. Wow. That’s exactly right! How do you do THAT? it’s like you read my mind, sometimes. ❤️ And yes to a fantastic new writers group membership! We all know they already love you. 🥰

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      2. LOL…we Ohio girls must share some sort of cosmic or geographic DNA, right? Love you oodles…and as for the folks in the writer’s group…you’re sweet. I’m a lot…and I know it! But the exuberance is real. Thanks for “getting me”. Xo! 🥰❤️🥰

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  13. Good for you to join a writer’s group. I hope you love it and are learning. I’m sure you’ll be an asset to the other members. My latest adventure is my photography class. It’s hard work, but I’m learning so much and I’m seeing improvement in my photos each week. Today, I used my macro lens, which I got for Christmas but have been afraid to use. My instructor told me my “kit” lenses that came with the camera are low quality and if I plan on sticking with photography, I need to invest in better quality lenses. I’ll post some of my photos with the macro lens Friday.

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  14. When I council young people, I encourage them to push their boundaries. I don’t look at my high school years with the same reverie that many people do. I’ve often said it’s the one do-over I wish I had in life. We moved across country before my freshman year, and it seemed like everyone had already established their friendships. I was shy in those days, and that’s a tough age to have high self-esteem. The main thing was I lived too much in a bubble and didn’t push those boundaries. When I started college, got out on my own, and expanded my horizons, I grew the most as a person.

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    1. Thank you, Pete….what wonderful advice to offer…and I remember the great personal anecdotes you shared in “They Call Me Mom” about your college journey and finding your way toward your career. Very moving…every bit…and worth sharing. So grateful you answered the call to teach…and to write! 🥰

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  15. We’re gearing up for a big project launch on Friday and the last few weeks have felt that familiar feeling of navigating the uncertainty. But as I told my teammates, there is something powerful about navigating through the unknown and uncertainty and we will come through it better because we’re pushing our boundaries.

    I really needed this affirmation, Vicki, as we near our launch. So thank you! 😊💕

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    1. Wow…sounds like you’ve got A LOT in motion, Ab! I love your wisdom for your team…there is something entirely unique about pushing through with like-minded, focused colleagues. Better for having done so? Yes, yes! Sending all of my best wishes for the launch. You have a knack…I know it…for taking care of the people involved while also getting the job done. I have no doubts! 💕🥰💕

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  16. As a life long learner I’m not uncomfortable in new spaces. Not tooting my own horn, but I’ve often lived by the Frost quote, “two paths diverged in the woods and I, I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference.” (May not be exactly quoted, but you get the idea.)
    It’s true. It has.
    Though, this book writing thing, that’s a whole other path. 🤣 So lots of admiration for you my friend.

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    1. You exude courage and ‘can do’, dear Alegria. I think you’re wired to ask the most important questions and in doing so, I think you advance your own discovery/learning and inspire those around you. I’ve seen it so many times – as I absorb the goodness you offer. I’m glad you take a long look at options…the paths before you…and show others how to choose wisely in the process. Big hugs to you for leading the way about what matters most!
      🥰💕🥰

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  18. I love your prompt and you know how I feel about stepping outside of my comfort zone! Love your prompt. The best thing I can think of was trying a new recipe that involved a “cold” method of cooking chicken thighs by starting them out on a cast iron skillet that hadn’t been preheated and transferring to the oven 20 minutes later, after the fat has rendered. I was skeptical over the technique, but I’ve made it twice now, and I gotta say – it’s the juiciest chicken I’ve ever made!

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