Good Mood of the Soul

Posted on by Wynne Leon

We lived in the Philippines when I was a kid. To connect with family back home, my mom used to send tapes to my grandparents. I remember making at least one of those tapes. My mom, brother, sister, and I were up in my bedroom siting on the two twin beds, the door was closed with the AC on. We had the type of tape recorder where you pushed “record” and “play” to start recording, but we had the fancy addition of an external microphone that was endlessly fascinating to me as a four and five-year-old.

Our stay there was from 1970-1976, Ferdinand Marcos was President and had declared martial law, and the Vietnam War was raging for most of our stint, but I don’t remember any talk about politics, or current affairs. My dad recorded his own portion at the end so he may have covered it, but he was pastor of a non-denominational church in Manilla. As much as he was involved in projects like providing early education to young children, and helping to the poorer parts of the city, he wasn’t involved in the politics. Maybe he mentioned the few times he met Marcos at functions, but it definitely wasn’t the highlight.

What came across mostly was the personalities of me and my siblings at a young age. On a specific tape I’m thinking of, my older brother was nine or ten years old, calm and knowledgeable, my older sister at seven or eight-years-old was focused on the details, especially the ones that disappointed her, and shushed for complaining. I was three or four years old, pretty sunny and unconcerned, happily chattering away. My dad remarked more than once that we had those personalities at birth, and time didn’t change them much.

But there’s something about family patterns that keep us trapped in roles that can at times keep us from knowing how we need to grow. For me that was moving from happy to joyful.

In her recent book, Atlas of the Heart, researcher and author Brené Brown defines happiness as “Looking at the data we’ve collected, I would define the state of happiness as feeling pleasure often related to the immediate environment or current circumstances.”

And that fits pretty well with the list I can name of the things that make me happy:

  • Dance parties with my kids
  • Finishing a shower without interruption
  • Hearing a song I loved from college in the grocery store
  • A vanilla milkshake on a hot summer day

When I discovered meditation and mindfulness during my travels through the less pleasant periods of my life, it taught me that joy is a different feeling altogether. Brené Brown says she thinks of joy as “‘the good mood of the soul.’” She defines it based on her research as, “An intense feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure and appreciation.”

For me joy comes when I let go of seeking and preference. As poet Mark Nepo said, “One key to knowing joy is being easily pleased.” It’s cultivating my awareness of what is already present and my delight at the magic in the air. It works when I stop narrowing my field of vision to my agenda and open to all there is. Not surprisingly, researchers have connected joy to gratitude and describe the two together as “an ‘intriguing upward spiral.’ (from Atlas of the Heart). Gratitude increases our ability to feel joy, joy makes it easier to find gratitude and so on.

And here are the things that make me joyful:

  • Every time I get to wake up and witness a sunrise
  • Catching a glimpse of my kids in a circle with the other kids in the neighborhood leaning heads in to examine some fascinating part of life
  • Holding hands
  • Hearing the clink of glasses at a dinner with dear friends
  • Witnessing a whale surface to breathe
  • Listening to the Bach Cello Suites played by Yo-Yo Ma
  • The view from the top of a mountain no matter how breathless, exhausted and cold I am
  • A snuggle with a fuzzy puppy

The conditions of happiness are specific and fleeting. I’m frequently happy but it certainly isn’t a constant.

The conditions of joy are deep and enduring. They represent ties in my life, beauty of this world and things I’ve worked to make priorities. It is the current underneath my mood. It’s the reward for when I’m aligned with my values.

For the times of my life where I’ve felt like I’m stuck, wading through glue, or too busy taking care of others to take care of myself – it’s joy that pulled me through, making it worthwhile all the way. I might have been born happy, but I’m grateful to live joyfully.

I’ve written about an unconventional source of joy on my personal blog: An Adventure. Please check it out!

(featured photo from Pexels)

43 thoughts on “Good Mood of the Soul”

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  3. I really appreciate your definition and distinction between happiness and joy. I’ll need to sit and reflect on this further but at an immediate glance, I would agree that happiness is immediate and fleeting, whereas joy is deeper and longer lasting. I think I’ll have to come up with a list for both and see what falls underneath each.

    Have a great week ahead with the kids and Cooper!

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  5. I experience my greatest moments of pure joy often in the midst of doing nothing to bring it on—walking down the street, driving to an errand, sitting on the balcony watching birds flutter by, observing the treetops blowing in the wind. The pinnacle of joy would be to experience it all the time for no good reason—ah, but if that were so, perhaps joy would become commonplace, and I’d not appreciate those moments of heightened awareness of it. Still—I wouldn’t mind experimenting!

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    1. I love this, Julia! “The pinnacle of joy would be to experience it all the time for no good reason—ah, but if that were so, perhaps joy would become commonplace, and I’d not appreciate those moments of heightened awareness of it. Still—I wouldn’t mind experimenting!”

      Right! Can I be co-pilot on that experiment? I love your description of “in the midst of doing nothing to bring it on.” It speaks to the observer nature of it. Thanks for that beautiful perspective, dear friend!

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      1. I welcome your company as a co-pilot! I thought later about the role that gratitude plays in the game of joy. Sometimes I think that gratitude—in and of itself—is enough to send me off into unbridled fits of joy! I’m grateful for you, dear Wynne, dear co-pilot in experimentation!

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  6. There’s so much food for thought here, Wynne. I’m intrigued by the Mark Nepo quote: “One key to knowing joy is being easily pleased.” I can’t help but think about a young child being entertained watching an ant on the sidewalk versus an adult lusting after a luxury vehicle. Being able to pay attention and tune into the small, often free sources of joy is the biggest cheat code for life.

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    1. 100% to that last sentence! On recent hikes, I’ve really been able to see how many little miracles I missed when I’d make the hikes in some kind of trance. Now, open to seeing the tiniest of joys not only brings the joy of the noticing but also the joy of connecting with fellow noticers. I’m so grateful I slowed the F down, so I could again ground myself in gratitude and joy.

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  7. This made me smile: “we had those personalities at birth.” Somehow, despite my bio-sibs and I having quite different personalities, I had this idea that kids “got” their personalities when they were sometime into toddlerhood. Parenthood certainly (and speedily!) disabused me of this notion! 🙂

    “Joy” is something I feel like I’m coming into more and more these days. I love how you captured it here and am, naturally to anyone who knows me, very grateful for how Brown and Atlas of the Heart helped me start growing into this coming-into. It’s been rough, but also absolutely worth all the joy that was destined/doomed to be forever outside my reach as long as I stayed stuck in family-originated patterns.

    Hope the week is kind to you! ❤

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    1. As you said so well, absolutely worth all the joy that was destined/doomed to be forever outside my reach. Yes, thank goodness for Brene Brown – she’s good company along this journey! 🙂 ❤

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  8. I like your description of “Little Wynne” …”pretty sunny and unconcerned”. And like Deborah, I appreciate your dad’s observation about you and your sibs…arriving in the world with your unique personalities. 🥰

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  9. I do so love this–from Bach to Brene Brown to joy vs. happiness. I feel like it takes effort to protect a space for joy in today’s world–so much coming at us and so much of it not right in front of us (able to be touched, processed, really seen, etc.). Thanks for spurring some Big Thoughts today!

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  11. I agree with your dad Wynne- I think in so many ways we come pre-shaped with our own innate ways of being. I saw it with my kids and grands. It still is difficult for me to find distinction between happiness and joy but I do believe that joy is something we carry within and often inspired by some sort of lasting or ongoing connection. The only thing that I really know for sure as I attempt to determine distinctions is that my family, without any doubt, brings me joy. Maybe because I am unsure about all the rest, the message for me is that they are simply enough. Having them and their love and understanding is really what matters over everything else.

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    1. I love your focus on family — and connection. I agree that is foundational for me too. I imagine that seeing the personalities on your grands must be extra fun. That’s so beautiful! Happy Monday, Deb!

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  13. Oh I like your list Wynne. I’ve obviously been thinking a lot about joy, but reading your list right now, it hits me that I’m fascinated how reading about other’s joy makes me happy too. Yo-Yo Ma, a sunrise, a fuzzy puppy. Oh, yes, all great moments. Thank you!

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  14. So many people spend their lives on a quest for happiness. To me, joy is about enjoying things as they come and not waiting for external forces to make you happy. Joy is all around if we just embrace it.

    Coincidentally, I just went looking for a post I had written about joy last year, and it was the same post where I mentioned my daughter putting together her IKEA bed.

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  15. Wow wow wow! You really have defined both happiness and joy so well here Wynne. There is a distinct difference. I’ve often thought about it. Yesterday I had a difficult day, and as I soaked in the warmth of my nightly shower, the scent of good soap, faint music in the background, and gratitude for the life I live, I was filled with joy. Even in challenging and disharmonious moments I am fortunate to tap into joy. I wasn’t happy, but I was joyful.
    As I continue the happiness project, my hope and intention is to help others find joy too, beyond the happiness.
    Thank you for sharing this lovely and joyful post. And by the way, your sibling makeup sounds exactly like mine. We had one of those recorders too, the record button was red. Loved it. 😁💕

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    1. I love your happiness project, Alegria! Now that I think about the distinction, I think you are creating moments of joy, especially with the notes of what to pay attention to. And your shower after a difficult day is such a great example. I’m sorry for the hard day – but I’m not surprise you were able to bring in your own delight to it. Lovely!

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  16. Yep, I’m easily pleased so I am more joyful than many fussy people. I do, however, question your “Hearing a song I loved from college in the grocery store” source of joy. When that happens to me, I feel ancient… which is not a joyful feeling for me. 🤨

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