My wife rubbed the edge of her index finger along the top edge and leaned over to peek inside. She looked like she was out on a car lot comparing new cars — blue trim on this one, black on that one. Instead of cars, though, we were comparing baby cribs.
My wife was eight months pregnant, and we were ramping up for the homestretch. We needed to make some decisions. We had searched for weeks but couldn’t agree on a crib. We had the car seat, stroller, everything we needed to bring the baby home, but no crib.
Every crib that we looked at had its selling points. One converted into a toddler bed, another claimed to be chemical and toxin-free. A third claimed to give the best night of sleep. It did such a great sales job, I wondered if I could get it as an adult King sized-bed.
Of course, my wife would find a crib that she liked, but I would question if the distance between the slats met U.S. Safety regulations. My wife would shake her head at me and ask when I found time in my spare time to become an expert in construction safety. In turn, I would find one that I thought would be perfect and she would hate the color of the wood. Our worst fear was that the baby would come, and we wouldn’t have a crib.
Worry warts
We were a mess. To top it off, we were your typical young parents-to-be, we worried about everything. We worried about whether we were good “parental material,” we worried about whether the baby would be healthy. We were fearful of own shadows. When you broke it down to the heart of the issue, we were fearful that one wrong move on our part and our new baby boy or girl would be sent down a path of broken dreams.
Crunch time
We were worriers, but we also knew that we were running out of time. So, one weekend, we walked down the aisle of the nearest furniture store one last time, determined to make a decision. We weren’t going to leave until we left the store with a crib. We were clueless, but this time it clicked. We found a crib that was in stock and met all of our needs. Problem solved.
I haven’t thought about that crib in 18 years. However, I broke out in a laugh recently when I flipped through some old photos and came across a picture of our daughter, our firstborn, sleeping peacefully in the crib. We struggled to agree on the crib, but we ended up using it for her, and then later for each of our two sons. For a last minute purchase, it served us well.
All from one little crib
And you know what, we survived. We learned that worrying came with the territory, but so did laughter, happiness, and joy. We learned the hard way that we could worry until we were blue in the face, but we needed to stay in the here and now. The baby was coming whether we were ready or not.
I’ve thought about those lessons a lot over the years. They were extremely valuable. I learned one more lesson from the experience that sticks with me today. Most important, we learned that the baby didn’t care about whether we were good parents or not, she just wanted: a.) to be fed and burped, b.) to have her diaper changed, c.) to sleep, and d.) to be hugged, and we could do all four of those things.
Yes, we would make it after all.
……….
Thank you for reading. Please follow the HoTM site and join in on the discussion. I’d love to hear your thoughts. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com or follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.
All the best, Brian.
Image by Ann H via Pexels.
The Heart of the Matter 
First things first, Brian, the title of this post immediately hooked me! Its’ so great!! Your story about choosing the right crib is so relatable. While I’ve never gone shopping for a crib, I’ve always been a worrier. However, I’ve found with time (or age) that when reflecting back on those “big decisions,” they often weren’t that important after all.
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You rock Erin. Thanks so much for the feedback. I appreciate the comment on the headline. I’ve been trying to get more catchy with my headlines. I wasn’t sure if it worked or not. And you are so right about reflecting on worry, most time it really is over silly things. I’m trying to get better at that. Thanks so much for the great feedback!
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From one worrier to another Brian, I can relate! I suspect that most soon to be parents have experienced this, but there are some of us that carry the worry through our life and if we’re not aware, let it cloud a lot of things. I’ve come to use the term overthinking, but given the situation that really means lots of worried thoughts and actions! Thanks for sharing your very real experience of parenting!
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Oh, yes, it’s definitely overthinking. My wife jokes with me sometimes to just “get out of my head.” When that happens, I try to stay in the moment. My wife and I both knew that if worse came to worse, we’d be okay without a crib for the first week or so, it wasn’t the end of the world. That worry was just hiding our bigger worries about being good parents. When we faced that together, we were much better off. Thanks so much for commenting Deb. Great to hear from another worrier.
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Overthinkers unite, Deb! I’ve been known to mutter the words, “My name is Kendra, and I’m an overthinker” a time or two. 😀
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Haha!
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I worried about all my children and then my grandchildren. Your post is timely as we are expecting our 7th grandchild in May. Recently my daughter and I had a discussion about the purchase of the new crib (their first was a convertible crib and is not available now as a crib). I could stress about it all over again, but they seem to have managed to handle it without the added stress of my worrying. 🥰
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Seventh grandchild. Oh, that’s awesome Maggie. We’re not there yet, but oh, I’m pretty sure I’ve got the worrying part down pat. I hope my kids haven’t picked up my worrying gene/habit, but I’m pretty sure they’ve picked up at least some of it. They tend to not worry about the same things as me, but they certainly do their share. In any event, sending positive thoughts and prayers your family’s way on a healthy, happy grandchild. Exciting times.
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Thank you so much. Children are such a gift.
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The crib is one of the biggies to a new parent, and oh yes, I remember doing the same thing you and your wife did. Waddling around to every store, hubby in tow – searching for the PERFECT one. So relatable, all of it – and thus, a brilliant way to talk about worry. I appreciate it, Brian, because your story will stick in my mind. I’m going to try and bring up the memory of little GP in his crib when worry starts to creep in. (Which will probably be in the next 12 seconds, since I’m a worrier)! So, I’ll let you know how it goes. 😁 Thanks for a wonderfully relatable and insightful post!
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Good luck Kendra. I wish I had a magic secret fix. Unfortunately, I don’t. I was hoping you had one! Ha, ha, thanks for commenting though. It does make me feel good to know that I’m not the only one!
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Oh geez. Our daughter survived her early sleeping career in a crib formerly inhabited by her father, refinished, refurbished, a tad bit rickety and one slat short of collapse, but it stood steadfastly through her various tantrums as did the rest of us. According to her grandparents, it was a gotta-have because it was her father’s, after all, and was imbued with those precious memories of him as a baby. Those were back the days when mom’s-to-be smoked and drank their way through pregnancy and didn’t know any better. We’ve come a long way, baby . . . it’s a that any of us survived those days of ignorance and no seat belts, and yet here we are. Well, most of us, I guess, I suppose. I don’t even wanna think about the possibility of lead paint . . .
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Oh yes, medicine has come a long way. We saw differences in how the doctor treated my wife from the first child to our last. With our first, the doctor rarely did ultrasounds, with our last, we did one every visit. It is a shocker that any of us survived back in the day, but here we are!!! Thanks for commenting Julia.
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Loved this post, Brian — a fun trip down anxiety-ridden-new-parent-memory lane! Well, truth be told, that anxiety sticks with you for a few years, right? Sorry I was slow in making the IG graphic for this post — I enjoyed tinkering with that task a little too much — but it’s your fault. Loved what you wrote and wanted to make something fun! xo! 😘
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Loved the graphic! Love the whimsy! Glad I wrote something that gave you something to play with and be creative. Yes, the new parent worry stuck with me well past the new parent stage. I can’t imagine it any other way!! Ha, ha.
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There you go! Mr. Inspiration doing his thing! Thanks, Brian — such a fun, relatable, “I remember” post! 😉😉😉
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I love this! Especially the sentence – “We learned that worrying came with the territory, but so did laughter, happiness, and joy.” Yep, we worry (about cribs, parenting, life) but it’s more palatable when its mixed in with everything else! Beautiful post, Brian!
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I liked that line too Wynne. It came late in the process. I needed something that tied everything together. I probably should have explained in this piece better that I had a lot of fears about parenting: were we ready? Did we have enough $$$? Should we wait? I’ve written about it in the past. My wife was ready. I was still worried about the how’s? In reality, I was worried about me! Thanks Wynne, glad it worked.
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Expert in construction safety! LOLOLOL I like her! Such a sweet story and so relatable.
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It’s a great line, isn’t it? and you’re right – such a sweet story that is relatable!
Sorry for the slow response to your comment, Belladonna – somehow it got trapped in the spam filter when we had a spam storm. Thanks for commenting!
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🤍🤍
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💗
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Relatable on so many levels. Hospitals don’t hand out user manuals for new parents. Sure, people office advice and the helpful in-laws stop by but the only way to learn is hands-on experience. It’s daunting and once you become a parent your life is never the same. I would’t have it any other way. Thanks for sharing you memories with us.
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I love your perspective that you wouldn’t have it any other way. So right on!
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My husband and I area also worriers, so I can relate to this post! Over time, we do learn that all our worrying was for nothing, and hopefully that lesson sticks with us for future situations. As for kids, we never do stop worrying about them, do we? But the pluses of being a parent outweigh the strain of the worry by far!
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Oh my goodness, you are so right Ann. We learned from that lesson, wouldn’t trade being a parent for anything. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one!
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I like the lesson you learned from that crib. It can be agonizing to make decisions that matter so much in the moment, then learn to smile at your younger self later knowing you did great despite your doubts.
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As a former member of “Over Thinkers Anonymous,” I really appreciated this blog. We really are all right, aren’t we?
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Love it Tracey. Thanks for the encouragement!
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