My humor and aging series is coming to a close today. I’ve borrowed a few ideas, also a few words over this month, but this final post, okay besides the included quote, is my wisdom alone. Here it is:
Allow yourself to change your mind.
Allow yourself to adapt to a new idea or situation.
Most importantly: Allow yourself to age gracefully and honestly but never hold onto an inflexible attitude.
My truth, for everyone reading today: I have completely changed my thinking, my feelings and my crappy attitude… about birds. It feels so good to put that out to the world. I really never had feelings, good or bad, about birds in general as I grew up. They were just outside, flapping and flying around and occasionally smashing into our big picture window. I didn’t dislike them at all, the steller’s jays were lovely to look at. I was even impressed with the way robins could find and yank out earthworms as long as my arm from the backyard.
It was in my early 20’s after an encounter with an African Grey parrot that my feelings and attitudes about birds changed. I had become a Registered Dental Assistant and was working in my first office. My boss showed up to the office one day with a bird and a cage. I may have been a touch resentful actually. Here was a new staff member who knew nothing about dentistry and could be no real help on busy days. He simply sat in his cage in our reception area- I suppose as a novel talking point.
I must interject here: This was roughly 1981, or maybe ‘82. What was overlooked in healthcare settings then would be forbidden now. The health department and OSHA would be shutting an office down if a live bird took up residence inside among patients- useful or not.
Long story short: I was “volunteered” to keep the bird one weekend when the boss and wife were out of town. The bird came home in a smaller cage and all I had to do was not kill it before returning to work on Monday. Honestly, I have no idea how it happened but the bird got out of his cage, and of course I panicked. It flew, and flapped and did what birds who are free and terrified do and then decided to land in the fireplace. Of course I naturally reached in to grab the bird and while he did come out of the fireplace with me, he was attached not only to, but also completely through my finger. Yes, literally hanging off of my hand. The rest is a blur although I know that I returned him Monday, alive, and never went near him again.
After that weekend, whenever a bird of larger size came too close I would have a traumatic reaction. I let that horrific incident cloud my judgment about all birds and I developed a very biased attitude toward all birds in general. I was pretty darn certain that no bird was worthy of my time. Then this happened:
On a family trip to Hawaii in 2003, wandering down the streets of Honolulu, my oldest and I had birds thrust in our faces and settle on whatever appendage they could find. Not just any birds mind, but of course parrots. It was one of those “let’s toss parrots on the tourists and take a picture so we can charge them lots of money and laugh” sort of schemes that happened on almost every corner. You might be able to tell from my face just how thrilled I was. I literally could not move and something stopped me from running down the sidewalk screaming- probably the fear that the parrots would all follow me, flock on my head and start pecking my face. I could have easily been channeling Tippy Hedren right then thanks to Alfred Hitchcock. I was more convinced than ever to avoid birds in any and every way possible after that day.
Here is where the wisdom associated with aging comes in. Sometimes, when you sit quietly and reflect on life you realize that there really are things that matter and things that don’t. Horrific events lose some of their trauma associated meaning and you can view those moments from a stronger emotional perspective. So I began watching birds, learning about birds that were common to my yard. Learning how to distinguish different calls and listening to birds outside my window, chirping out good morning on sunny summer days. I viewed wild birds feeding and raising their young. None of them seemed sinister, except maybe some of the really big crows, so I had to ask myself why I was continuing to blame all birds for the behavior of one clearly fearful parrot 40 years ago. It was time to get over my own bias and fear.
“When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself.”
Earl Nightingale
Birds are amazing, inquisitive and rather smart. They know exactly when my door opens in the morning and I saunter out to their feeders. They remain wary, which is important for wild creatures, yet I mean them no harm and I understand that they are simply just living their life in the most productive way they can never knowing that they bring me joy. I’m thankful that I gave the birds another chance. They deserve to be known for who they really are without bias or assumptions.
With that in mind readers, and with a gentle nudge, I suspect you understand that we can all apply this life lesson; my aging person wisdom, to many aspects of, and personal viewpoints in life- not just bird trauma…
Lastly, because this post seemed the correct place to share this memory, my dad gave me the nickname Bird when I was very young. I don’t know why he chose it and no one that I’ve asked in my family knows either. My profile picture across WordPress is a sweet little bird- a chickadee. That little picture of the chickadee is my way of remembering my dad whenever I sit down to read or write. Perhaps there is an unknown significance between that silly nickname he gave me and my changed viewpoint. Perhaps dad was a very wise man, intent on shaping my attitude with the impact of a nickname long before I needed a reminder.
The Heart of the Matter 
I recall the expression, “for the birds,” from my childhood, Deb. It was a put down. We’d all be better off recognizing the place wildlife plays in the world that is our shared home. I miss the bees, the flies, and blue skies day after day. Glad to hear you have made peace with the birds and with the marriage of aging and the need for change. We need change, even it is for, not against, the birds.
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Yes Dr. Stein, I remember that phrase as a bit derogatory although I do actually see scuffles between a few groups who frequent my yard. Some folks, and birds just can’t seem to co-exist! Thanks for reading this morning 🙂
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What a beautiful observation and change of heart, Deb. Isn’t it interesting how those tiny traumas lodge themselves, and it’s only when we step back to analyze them that we recognize they may no longer serve us. One bad experience may be just that. I also love watching birds in the yard. The only one I have an issue with are the mockingbirds, which are aggressive and will dive-bomb passersby. Love the nickname! I was called “Little Bird” when I was a child also… it was because I was a slow eater and picked at my meals. 🤣
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Yes, stepping back to observe is a great way to put it Erin! My bird issues are not the only thing over a long lifetime that I’ve had to re-evaluate and readjust my attitude on. Holding onto things really doesn’t serve anyone in a positive way. How ironic that we sort of share a nickname! The picky eater makes so much sense. I hated eating peas- I wonder if my Bird label sprung from that?!
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Love all of this Deb…thank you for sharing…especially this: “Sometimes, when you sit quietly and reflect on life you realize that there really are things that matter and things that don’t.” And of course, I love your dad’s nickname for you. 😘
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In those moments of quiet many things become clear don’t they Vicki? I would like to have learned that earlier in life but sometimes we muddle around not really knowing how to hear or see what’s right in front of us… Thanks for reading on this first Saturday of spring 🙂
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You’re welcome – thank you! And I love the point you make about learning things and embracing the insight when it comes…sometimes I’ve thought I wasn’t aware enough or ready earlier in my life for some bits of wisdom…precisely the point you’re making. See what’s right in front of us. Big hugs! 🥰
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What a wonderful post, Deb. The wisdom is beautiful, the legacy piece of your dad’s nickname, the humor sprinkled from the title on down. I love that your wisdom includes the word “allow” – it implies that we need to give ourselves permission to “Allow yourself to age gracefully and honestly but never hold onto an inflexible attitude.” This post leaves me flying high with perspective!
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I like the word “allow” as well Wynne- as a reminder that I don’t have to be stuck in a specific mindset and that I have personal choice. It can be easier to see things as being done “to you” sometimes, rather than seeing and accepting that you have the ability to choose and change. Thank you!
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Personal choice – right! Funny how some words open gateways!
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I love the “Here was a new staff member who knew nothing about dentistry and could be no real help on busy days. He simply sat in his cage in our reception area” description 🙂..how dare the bird not know anything about dentistry 🙂 I agree, it makes sense to revisit what we might be rigid about and figure out whether our initial perspective no longer holds true… Thank you for the reminder to stay flexible.
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Thank you! I think I started out resentful with that bird and things just went downhill quickly! Life has gotten much easier over the years as I’ve learned to stay a bit more open to the myriad of situations presented to me. It’s not easy sometimes, but I keep at it knowing that there are always options 🙂
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I love that description too! 🙂
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There are busy days in dental offices where anyone with an extra hand is appreciated. Sadly, the parrot didn’t fit that role 😉
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Birds are fascinating creatures, but I’ve always been wary of the big ones like parrots. They can do damage, as you found out. Crows are very intelligent and have excellent memories. My younger daughter was crazy about birds as a child and that helped me come to appreciate them.
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Crows have a way of looking at you, right in the eye and sizing you up but they work so well together and will defend each other from threats. I’ve watched them take on the local hawk and win many times so I have nothing but respect for them. Being judgmental based on one bad incident does nothing to help you grow as a person, only keeps you closed off from the world around you. I don’t want to be the stuff, stick-in-the-mud lady who sees only one perspective and believes it is the only right way to be.
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I’m sorry that bird from the dental office attacked you. Although it was probably scared. I also enjoy the birds in my back yard, learning their calls and watching them.
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Thanks EA, I definitely KNOW the bird was scared. I often look back at that day and wonder if I was thinking it was going to try to fly up the chimney, or some other ridiculous thing! I know now I should have just let it be, calm down and then probably could have tempted it with a treat right back into its cage. Live and learn they say… 😉 I love it when you post your backyard wildlife because AZ is pretty different from WA as you know. It’s like the folks who live farther east and have cardinals and black squirrels- something we will never have here. Hope you’re feeling better!
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I think I’m feeling better but still barely able to get out of bed! I have a friend who moved to AZ from Seattle and she keeps telling me how Cardinals were so common where they lived in Seattle! I wonder if she’s mixing up Robins with Cardinals? I don’t ever remember seeing a single Cardinal growing up in WA.
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I would go with mixed up! I’ve looked at birding maps and if a cardinal was hanging out in WA it was hopelessly lost and alone. They don’t come anywhere near the upper west coast. There are small finches that have red heads but a brown body so that’s not even close! Keep resting- I’ve heard the fatigue is horrible with this strain of Covid- youngest daughter had it not long ago- she’s 30 and said the fatigue was horrible.
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I have a first cousin who was also tagged with the nickname “Bird” (not sure how that happened either. Love the picture from Hawaii! Anybody get bird doo-doo on their head? How about chickens? Have you ever held one? My neighbor (farm girl growing up)_ Absolutely can not stand to touch a chicken…period. I think she was traumatized as a child. Really do think childhood experiences can have long term consequences.
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Hi Doug! Of all the nicknames I would even think about people having, Bird has never been one of them. It will be a mystery I think. I had forgotten I even had that picture until I ran across it a few months ago so it sort of inspired this post, along with the memory of the dental office parrot. I don’t think either my daughter or myself got pooped on, although I have gotten hit a few other times in life just out walking. One of those important reasons to look up on occasion 😉 I’ve never held a chicken, only chicks before, but I would love that experience. I could really get behind the idea of a backyard flock…if I had a backyard that is!
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Yep, yep. It’s always a good time to allow yourself to grow. As for birds, not a big fan of them for many reasons. I think they seem beady and those flapping wings bother me before I even get to the pooping thing. This is why I understand the saying “for the birds.” It rings true with me.
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I can honestly say Ally Bean that I will probably never run with arms wide open toward something like a parrot I can appreciate the smaller ones for their pluckiness and spirit. Anything with a beak bigger than my finger- not so much but I’ve also learned that I made the original situation worse in hunting that bird down to begin with. We all have our aversions don’t we? No one should mandate that we all have to grow in regards to the same things… 😉
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I will admit that when the dental clinic bird when into the fireplace, the first thing I thought of was you had poultry for dinner that night. But I’m glad it ended off on a good note for you.
I also chuckled at that photo of you and your daughter. You look absolutely thrilled to be amongst those birds! 😆
Bird watching is definitely something that I didn’t appreciate until I got older. I always wondered how people could do something so still and quiet but I get it now.
I love that you used that as a talking point to remind us that as we age, we can and must stay flexible to learning new things and changing our mind. I find that helps keep our brain and spirit young!
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Thank you Ab for seeing the point of the post even as I tried to use birds to get the message across!
I’m laughing about the thought of a roasted parrot dinner and yes, very glad I didn’t feel obligated to dive into flames to save the bird. That photo brought back a lot of memories. I don’t know who in my family took it but I think you’re right, my dislike was clear 🙂
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Liked this – “Most importantly: Allow yourself to age gracefully and honestly but never hold onto an inflexible attitude.”
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Thank you!
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Lovely post and lesson… 🐦
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Thank you!
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The birds were behaving normally. The owners of them, not so much. Shoving birds at people not knowing if they are comfortable with them. My daughter has always been afraid of them. Apparently, when quite young, her brother thought it humorous to let her watch the movie, “The Birds”. I didn’t know about it. I was talking to someone this afternoon about my adventures to the butterfly garden in Victoria Canada where I had a conversation with a parrot for a short while and he flew on my arm and stayed there for quite some time. We continued our conversation with my daughter standing as far away as she could get and still photograph the event. I wonder why you were bird to your dad? Lots of thoughts on that one. Mine called me monkey. Memories stick sometimes. I’m glad you made peace with birds. Keep idiot humans at a long distance. Aging must embrace changes. Beautiful post, Deb.
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Thank you Marlene. I love your parrot conversation! I wonder about humans sometimes myself, and the things they do. We are a curious and often ill-thinking species 😉
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