Episode 22: Themes in “Surviving Sue” with Vicki Atkinson

Posted on by Wynne Leon

I think it’s safe to say that writing is a solitary pursuit. I don’t know of anyone who writes while hanging out with other people. I mean we might write in a coffee shop but not usually when we are carrying out a conversation with others.

This might be why I find it so fascinating and satisfying to be part of this WordPress community where we can talk about what we write and how it lands for other people. Then on top of that, to be able to podcast with authors like Betsy Kerekes talking about Be a Happier Parent or Laugh Trying, Cheryl Oreglia about Grow, Damn It! who are publishing their books is such an honor.

I was able to have this honor again recently when I got to talk with our very own Dr. Vicki Atkinson about her book, Surviving Sue. In this episode that is near and dear to my heart, we dig in to what it takes to write a memoir about such a complex character as Vicki’s mom, Sue who was afflicted with anxiety, depression, alcoholism, Munchausen’s by proxy and later on, Alzheimer’s. We talk about the huge personal benefit of doing the work to turn anger into compassion and positive regard and how that facilitates intergenerational healing in our families as well as our own relationships.

We laugh about all the funny parts of Sue as well as a character with infectious positivity and gravitational pull. Because there is always a lighter side to go with the shadow, so we highlight all the fun that Vicki included into the book that makes it such a complete and satisfying story and picture of a woman.

Vicki tells us about uncovering the secrets that Sue carried her whole life, many of them filed away in an ugly gray-green filing cabinet, and the unspoken relationship Sue and Vicki had because as her daughter, she often saw more than Sue wanted her to.

As part of the sandwich generation, taking care of her mom at the same time as raising her daughter, Vicki talks about the tough spots trying to balance it all.

This is a great episode filled with inspiration and depth as Vicki and I talk about doing the important but difficult work to understand our parents as people. I know you’ll love it.

Episode 64: Knowing a Person with Vicki and Wynne – Sharing the Heart of the Matter

In this episode, Wynne Leon is with co-host, Vicki Atkinson, and we are talking about the latest book from author David Brooks, How to Know a Person. We talk about his great encouragement to be vulnerable enough to be seen and his image of each of us as a creative artist who has a unique way of seeing the world. And we dive into the methods that help us listen well. We have a great conversation around what it takes to tell our own stories. Vicki also shares with us the wisdom she learned listening to David Brooks give a commencement speech when she was a faculty member. She explains why his approach was so much more meaningful than many of the others she heard in her 40 years in academia. This is a great episode about how we can be intentional about getting to know others. We know you’ll love it. Links for this podcast: Episode 64 show notes Vicki’s personal blog: Victoria Ponders Wynne’s personal blog: Surprised by Joy Vicki’s recently released book: Surviving Sue Wynne’s book about her beloved father: Finding My Father’s Faith
  1. Episode 64: Knowing a Person with Vicki and Wynne
  2. Episode 63: Keys to Collaborative Success with Vicki and Wynne
  3. Episode 62: The Loop Files with Rick Kaempfer
  4. Episode 61: The Writers Conference with Cheryl Oreglia
  5. Episode 60: The Perils of Prediction with Dr. Gerald Stein

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to Episode 22: Themes in Surviving Sue with Vicki Atkinson on Anchor

Links for this Episode:

Episode 22: Themes from Surviving Sue with Vicki Atkinson on Anchor

Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press

Vicki’s blog: Victoria Ponders

34 thoughts on “Episode 22: Themes in “Surviving Sue” with Vicki Atkinson”

  1. Pingback: Peek Inside: “Surviving Sue” – Elder Care – Victoria Ponders

  2. I can’t wait to listen! Love the back and forth between you two! You’ve gotten me thinking too about the secrets families hold. It makes me sad. These people know us the best. Why do we think we can or should hide things? I suspect so many pains would be prevented if we avoided them.

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    1. I don’t want to speak entirely for “birthday girl, Wynne Leon” but it means a lot that you feel that way when you listen to us chatting, Brian. Wynne is so easy to talk with and her capacity for insight is unmatched. And your question about hiding stuff? I think, at least in my mom’s world, it was all about self-preservation and over time I understood why. Thanks so much, Brian, for your enthusiasm and interest. 😊

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  3. Thank you both so much for this podcast! For me it has served as a great introduction to Surviving Sue but it also resonates so deeply on so many personal levels- even though Sue’s story is different from my own mom’s. I can so relate to the need to write for others, the need for honesty and truth for myself and for others, the acknowledgment and acceptance of family secrets over multiple generations and the ability to finally come to understand and see a parent not for the hurt they inflict, but for how and why they act out towards others while struggling with their own emotions and pain.

    Surviving Sue arrived on my shelf yesterday. As I often glance over in that direction I am allowing the book to tell me when the right time will be to open and start on this journey with you Vicki. Much of the trepidation I was anticipating has been lessened after listening today. Thank you both for that.

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    1. You’ve given ME a gift, Deb – even though it’s Wynne’s birthday. The fact that listening to the podcast helped to ease any anticipatory feelings you may have had about reading makes me so happy. That was the intent. Thank you for your willingness to read. Grateful, grateful. xo! 😉

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    2. Wow, Deb – what an insightful comment. I love all the ways it resonates – even though our stories and characters differ, it’s amazing how many of the same threads run through our lives! Thank you so much for listening!

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      1. You and Vicki are so natural when you speak through this medium. Your questions, and Vicki’s insight into such a difficult topic was outstanding.

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      2. Thank you, Deb. It means so much to me to hear that from you. And I’m so grateful to have your ears listening – we’re open to any and all feedback and suggestions you might have!

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  4. Loved hearing Vicki and Wynne interact! The one specific bit of that hit home for me, Vicki, is your comment that seeing Sue as a broken soul helped you to see through the eyes of compassion. That thought helps me to find greater compassion for my sister who has been a challenge throughout my lifetime. I’ll never understand what makes her tick, but it helps to remind myself that I don’t want to add any negative karma to the mix. Ah families. What great teachers, on so many levels! Thank you for sharing your story—you speak for so many of us.

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    1. Thank you for sharing that, Julia. I think you know how helpful it is to receive feedback…it’s what we love most about the wonderful blogging camaraderie. 🥰 Still, I’m sorry to hear about your sister and the challenges there. The notion that listening to our little podcast was helpful to you makes my day! xo! 💕

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      1. I’m about halfway through the book and the more I read, the greater my awareness that Sue and my sister share similarities. Surface lovable, but dig deeper and beneath it all there is control, manipulation and lies. I am the one in the line of fire and the target of her unhealed anger. It seems as if the two have at least one other trait in common—jealousy. As Michelle Obama says, “When they go low, we go high”. Sometimes it’s hard to get myself out of the way, yet with each incident, it becomes clearer that my job is to rise above it and remember that it’s not about me—it’s about her. The only thing that’s up to me is how I deal with it. That has been a lifelong project. Clearly, these two are/were in our lives for a reason. Were it not for suffering, we would never bother to grow. For that reason, I am grateful to her for helping me to take another step toward my own personal healing.

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      2. Thank you for continuing to read, Julia…and for sharing the connection we have in riding the tumultuous waves with family members. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with the rollercoaster and your lived experience about how hard it is to ‘get out of the way’ feels oh-so familiar. Yes, yes. A lifelong project. Hugs, hugs, hugs! 🥰

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      3. PS Vicki: I hope you will consider gathering all of the comments about Surviving Sue and creating a landing place where readers can share their insights, thoughts and feelings. It could be a powerful spot for healing to take place! Just a thought . . .

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      4. What a wonderful idea…you’re right. I wonder how I might do that…I’ll talk with my publisher friends to see what ideas they have because continuing to chase WordPress threads probably isn’t a good way for folks to share, or for me to capture feedback. Thank you for that, Julia! xoxoxo! 🥰

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    2. Thank you so much for listening, Julia! I can totally relate about having a sister that is hard to understand and relate to and love your comment about not adding negative karma to the mix. Yes! Great comment! ❤

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  7. You’re right, Vicki. Chasing WordPress threads won’t do the job! Perhaps your publisher will have a genius idea—or maybe your blog readers might, if you put it out there somehow. One thought might be to create a special “Surviving Sue” blog . . . I’d like to read it! Maybe you could address it in a blog and ask for ideas?

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      2. You are so kind! You’re right – it’s not as easy right now because it’s not on Amazon. If you would be willing to write a review, I would happily, happily send it to Eckhartz Press, my publisher, to ask if they’d post it on my “Surviving Sue” page. And you’re giving Wynne and I both some ideas this morning – about creating a separate page on our blogging sites – Victoria Ponders and/or Heart of the Matter – specifically for ‘book feedback – comments, reviews’. 🥰 Feel free to add a review here, for now, if that works for you, Julia. Many, many thanks! 💕

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  8. Great podcast – you two work so well together! I am pleased you are discussing both the positive and the negative of your life with your mother and how freeing yourself from the unhealthy thoughts liberated you to create this inspirational book to assist others!

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