When We Get Swept Up in Self

Posted on by Victoria

It’s been a wild and wonderful week with activities related to the official launch of my book, “Surviving Sue”. I thought I was humbled before – grateful for the interest and support from friends and family – but the intensity grew as the week unfolded.

I share a “Peek Inside” the launch party on Victoria Ponders.  Take a look if you have a moment. I’ve been to book signings but I’ve never hosted my own.  What a rush and a whirlwind all in one.  But today, as I pause for the first time in several days to consider my good fortune, I’m struck by a newfound awareness of how easy it can be to lose a foundational sense of ‘self’ amidst revelry and praise. 

Introverted moi needed to come out and play…for an extended engagement this week…and I made it to the finish line!  Woo….and hoo!  As I usher in a little normalcy, it’s a welcome relief.  Just as Wynne and I discussed in our podcast about writing and publishing, the promotion aspects can be daunting.

I got ‘swept up’ this week and I knew it was coming. As much as I wanted the attention to be squarely focused on the book, the author gets her due. The intertwining of story and storyteller makes hiding in the background impossible. Readers are curious souls, looking for authenticity, seeking connection while enjoying the proximity between the creation and the source. The spotlight felt extra bright.

As the hubs and I returned to more routine and mundane tasks yesterday, we had a scheduled visit from our pest control service.  (I know there’s a joke in there somewhere…about varmints and bookworms…but it’s not coming to me now.  I’ll circle back if I can find the giggle in the pendulum swing from book signing to pest control but if you get there first, please share in the ‘comments’😉.)

What are we eradicating, you ask?   Hubs has a perpetual challenge near his grill (wasps and hornets love to roost in the cabinets below) and a periodic visit from our ‘wasp wranglers’ helps hubs avoid getting zapped by a territorial wasp when he’s doing his barbeque thing. 

This visit?  It was time to treat the inside of the house, too – mouse traps in the basement and a little look-see around the baseboards to discourage spiders from free-range roaming.  Side note:  I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but as much as we love the open fields near us, we learned that keeping the wildlife outside is a maintenance task.  Like checking the roof for leaks.  Did I mention I hate spiders?  Maybe more than the itsy-bitsy mice we sometimes find in the basement? 

And so, our pest control friend rolls up yesterday when I thought the house would be quiet.  It was the first time in several days that I had a moment to plop into a comfy chair – hair a mess, in need of a shower and grateful that I could have some “me time”.  Commence cocooning.  Even if only for twenty minutes.

In my ceremonial and celebratory plopping, I grabbed my fave protein bar and a massive glass of iced tea and a trusty ottoman. Mama (yeah, I’m referring to myself in third person again) was about to put her feet up and whether she recognized it or not, she was subconsciously on a quest for shut-eye. Just like her papa. No, not a nap. Checking for “light leaks”, he would say. With a wink. Which is a kind of split-second shut-eye, is it not? Hmm…

The hubs?  He was puttering outside and the house was blissfully quiet except for the whirr of a fan.  Sip, sip, nibble, nibble were the only noises as I noshed and savored my tea and squishy soft protein bar.  (I should blog about THAT sometime.  I found a high protein treat that really DOES taste like a Snickers bar.  Not one of the healthy imposters claiming to be a good-for-you dupe.)

What happened next?  The damn door bell.  I opened one eye – enough to spy the hubs futzing with a hose on the deck and waited.  He didn’t hear the ding dong chimes.  So I did a very un-Vicki-like thing.  I ignored the bells.  Maybe it’s just UPS, I thought.  Sometimes they do their own ding-dong ditch and race back to the truck. 

Nope.  Ding dong #2 meant I needed to up off my butt and waddle to the door.  As you may have heard last week, my natural state IS happy…but when I’m toasted and tired, it might take me a minute to summon a smile.  Grumpy me opened the door to see “Dave”, one of our friendly pest guys.  Hubs and I both forgot he was scheduled to come, so that was on us.  My grumbling attitude retreated. Slightly.

Not expecting company, I greeted Dave in the kind of comfy clothes that are generally relegated for family viewing only. (I need to apologize to my family.)  My ensemble?  Ratty sweat shorts, a stained t-shirt and summer-weight fuzzy slippers, topped off by my own rat’s nest of dirty hair.  Wild and crazy, evoking a did she or didn’t she query about whether or not live voltage/electrocution was involved in the creation of my messy bun.  I probably looked like a gal who hadn’t bothered to dress or shower for a day or two.  Truth?  I’d done all of that multiple times, but it’s been stinking hot and I’m not gonna lie.  I sweat.  No ‘glowing’ here.   

Sweet Dave?  He didn’t blink.  His smile was all “Hey, Mrs. Atkinson – how are you?!”  Which was lovely.  You know, his ability to cloak any shock/horror he may have felt.  What struck me the most was his lightness and joy, despite wearing a pale blue work shirt that was completely drenched in sweat. If not for a few light blue patches around the collar, you’d swear his shirt was a deep navy.  It was not.  As I ushered Dave inside, he apologized for his appearance, saying he’d been working outside spraying foundations all day. Yikes.  Note to self?  Vicki…you’re a cream puff. A privileged pup.

All I could think about as I walked him inside, offered him a drink and a seat was “Dave’s about to have heatstroke”.  Beads of sweat pooled on his forehead and a couple of runaways looked like tears as they streamed down his cheeks.  Is his truck air conditioned, I wondered?  It was nearly 90 degrees F outside and about the same amount of humidity. 

Taking a seat and replying about a beverage, Dave said “Water, gosh, water would be great.”   I asked what kind. Flavored? Bubbly? Plain? And he smiled.  “Any or all – but a flavored water sounds wonderful.”  As I got a cool drink for Dave, the hubs rolled in from the deck and I saw the look.  Where’s mine?  So I grabbed another as he and Dave discussed the areas that needed attention – the grill, of course and the mousetraps in the basement. Those few moments of chit chat and hydration in a cool space seemed to help Dave cool off.  In a gulp, his watermelon flavored water was gone and I offered another, and he took it – ‘one for the road’ he said.

I didn’t get my nap yesterday.  I realized I didn’t need a reprieve after Dave left.  He provided one, of a different sort, no shut-eye required.  Dave’s visit reminded me that although I’d had a week of being swept up in myself,  it was a blessing to turn my attention to someone else.  As much as I enjoyed the time focused on my book and the “Vicki-as-author” identity, slowing down to focus on someone else is what gives me joy and Dave delivered all of that in his visit yesterday.  Well, that and he took care of the pest-y stuff, too. 

As Dave left he looked at me – not just a glance but a look of sincerity and said, “Thank you again for the water, for your kindness.”  Cue the waterworks of another sort.  As I closed the door, I sniffed and blinked back tears. Acts of compassion and gratitude will always pull at my heartstrings, but when I’m tired and need a reset to focus on what matters most, the simplest of human kindnesses never fail to deliver joy.  And yep, sometimes tears.  The good, good, kind. 

Vicki ❤

54 thoughts on “When We Get Swept Up in Self”

  1. Pingback: Peek Inside:  Surviving Sue – Launch Party – Victoria Ponders

    1. Ah…and Ally Bean, wonder that you are, you’re never wrong. (Or rarely? Don’t ask Zen-Den for his input…in my mind you’re Mary Poppins perfect.) 😉
      And…let me share this. I love all of your posts but writing this one harkened back to one of yours…about a delivery person…and a fun hairdo? I’m not sure I remember all the details of the piece, but it involved needing to share a description with readers of your fun ‘Ally-do’ hairdo that day? xo to you dear one! Clear out my cobwebs if you can. 🥰

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      1. Oh I’d forgotten about the delivery guy who stopped in his tracks when he saw my hair pulled up in a topknot. Thanks for reminding me of that– and for even remembering it to begin with.

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  4. I loved this Vicki. We think offering a drink is something simple – doesn’t cost us anything/much, but as you say, such simple acts of kindness – I’d probably just say i was being polite – its how I was brought up – to offer refreshments to tradesmen when they visit – but it always amazes me how much this can be appreciated. I guess the heat is very different, making the situation much different there – its wet and cooler than average here right now – so they’d probably need a towel to dry off and a hot cup of tea/coffee. its 60F here today (I converted it for you 😁)

    I think living in the city centre, and a top floor flat, we don’t have so many pests – but we do have wasps or bees (not sure which – they buzz and they’re strippy) above our scullery window but Environment Health won’t/can’t do anything so I just keep that window closed.

    I hope, maybe today, you get to put your feet up and chill in peace and quiet Bx

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    1. Much love to you, Brenda…and not just for converting from Fahrenheit to Celsius for me, LOL! I think you’re right…offering folks who are working with and for us…a beverage seems so natural and human, but his reaction made me think it’d been a while since that kindness was offered. Sigh. Hugs to you…and get a sweater — sounds chilly there! 🥰

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      1. Like you described in your post; I’m lounging about today, so still in my PJs. I’m not anticipating any visitors as I write and watch the Wimbledon final

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  5. Congratulations on the book signing and getting some well deserved attention as an author! I can totally relate to the whole thing about having my much needed alone time interrupted, then being surprised when I end up being happy about it in the end.

    If you have a few minutes (about 4 of them), here’s a Sebastian Maniscalco comedy bit about I like about people coming to the door 🙂

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    1. OMG…OMG…OMG…where, oh where did Sebastian come from?? He is absolutely hilarious…and it’s spot-on perfect…down to the cake and Sanka. I think we need to start a few blog post spawns using Sebastian’s set as inspiration. Adore you, Todd! 🤣🤣🤣 I’m just dying here. (And for the record, I don’t have a sword…but hmm….) 🤣🤣🤣

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      1. 😁😁 Glad you liked it! I had the exact “GET DOWN” thing happen to me growing up. I walk into the living room to see my mom hiding behind the stereo cuz she didn’t want to open the door for the Jehovah’s Winesses that had just knocked 😂😂

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      2. Not joking about the stories that are spawning in my brain…the recollections of moments oh-so-similar. In my case we were often hiding from other family members — not just the sales folks or the evangelists, LOL! If there was a ‘smile-o-vision’ cam on me while I watched it would’ve been the best reel ever. Me, my iced coffee and laboring to avoid spitting all over the monitor because of bust-out laughter. Your community service work for the day is done, Todd. Thank you, thank you! 🤣😎🤣

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  6. Oh my this blog is so chock full of great stuff I don’t know where to begin! Love that your book launch party was such a success! I get the bit about the creator/creation thing! I also get living in the wild and doing a daily critter check and evacuation scan. Now that I live not the 4th floor in a more civilized area I am fighting off an army of tiny ants—I know not whence they come. I’d welcome a visit from Dave. If he showed up at my door, he’d find me in sweaty sweats crowned with a rats nest of hair. Right there with you, girl! Thanks for a few great morning chuckles to start my day! Big hugs and congratulations on your best-seller launch! 🥰

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    1. Jules…my Julia…thank you so much for enjoying the giggles. Varmints and all. And I have no doubt that you and Dave would become fast friends. We know ‘our people’ when we encounter them, don’t we? Good souls…sometimes in need of hydration. xoxoxo! 🥰

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      1. I enjoy every word out of your mouth, dear Vicki—there isn’t anything you say that I don’t love. That especially applies to the fact that you picked ups on my favorite nickname. See? You get me too!

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      2. Ohhh…that makes me so happy. You’ll need to noodle on this to help me understand the Universe at work…but I’ve been dying to refer to you as “Jules” for the longest time. I kept editing myself as I’d type…but my heart kept thinking of your as “Jules” and not “Julia”. Not wanting to be overly familiar or offend, I held back, censored. No more! Yay! 😘💕😘

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  7. I dread it every time the doorbell rings. I always ‘hope’ it is just a package. Our pest guy is very chatty and I try to remember customers are a big part of his social circle. In a weird way, we are his extended work family. I got a little teary as I read his words of thanks to you. Kindness is like that – it always gets you in the feels.

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    1. See? You ‘get me’, don’tcha? Yep. Something as small as recognizing a need for water. Big sigh! And I think you’re right, Maggie. Folks who are ‘regulars’ probably see some of us as members of their social circles. I hadn’t thought about that…he always seems genuinely happy to see us and we’ve known him for several years. Kindness for the win, every day. 🥰

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  8. As the Buddha ought to have said, “After enlightenment, pest control and relief.” Rest up, Vicki, then on to the publicity tour!

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    1. Okay…now I know for SURE. My friends here are the funniest people I know. Yes, yes. I’m sure Buddha said those exact words. Let me go look it up to confirm. LOL! Big hugs! 🥰

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  9. I love the self-awareness in this post. You clearly know yourself well enough to laugh, listen, and love. It’s absolutely beautiful how you can use that as motivation and power to switch directions, dear Vicki! Love the way you do it – and then turn around to write it so that we are inspired too. Amazing!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  10. After a long and hectic week, I’m glad you were able to put your feet up and relax, however briefly. 😂 Life has a way of delivering things we didn’t realize we needed, doesn’t it? In this case, the chance to turn your attention to someone else – to offer kindness, after having been the recipient. Lovely! 💖

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    1. Yep — and you and I have been feeling that kindness thread in our heads, hearts, posts. Super synergy and like-mindedness! Sending you tons of love today…just because. 💕💕💕

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  11. Congrats again on your book launch. I’m glad you got to relax afterward. You reminded me of being a teenager and not wanting to be seen when someone rang the doorbell because of how I was dressed. I decided to hide in the pantry. It turned out to be a neighbor couple, who my parents invited in. The four sat in the kitchen and chatted for two hours! I had to wait in the pantry, being too embarrassed to make an appearance!

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    1. Oh my goodness — between your fun story (pantry = hideout) and Todd’s funny video, I don’t feel like the only one who enjoys a little anonymity! Oh – Maggie, too! I bet you could write a fun story about the pantry escapade. At least you had snacks? LOL! 🤣😘🤣

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  12. While I cannot imagine you were in any way looking a sight when Dave saw you perhaps take consolation in the fact that he was clearly dehydrated and perhaps just later chalked up the encounter to delusions based on inadequate fluid levels. Even if there was a rats nest atop your head Vicki, you were truly selfless in your response to replenish Dave before he passed out in your living room. That is an act of kindness indeed 🙂

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    1. LOL – I love the giggle. Yes, maybe his dehydrated state and a little myopic vision contributed to him being less afraid. He surely was gracious, despite the fact that he was under stress. xo, Deb! 🥰

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  13. Congratulations on the book!

    Maybe WE need a pest control guy like Dave out here, because I’m telling you, I have never lived in a house with so many bugs. If it isn’t earwigs or moths it’s spiders and stink bugs. I really don’t know which I despise most (answer: all of the above!).

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    1. Oh golly – yes! Stink bugs – yuck! And earwigs freak me out – they look like predators, don’t they? And thanks for the good cheer about the book! xo! As your reward for being kind, I’ll send Dave right over! 😎

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  15. Aww what a heartwarming post Victoria ❤️
    I’ve sort of been in similar circumstances – “oh no, someone’s at the door!” – and ended up feeling privileged for the unexpected visit. Many congratulations on the book launch and “wow!” what an amazing venue.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing that you’re like me — dreading the doorbell and then happy for the visit! And…the venue – that beautiful old house – it WAS super special. Thanks for coming along, virtually. If only all of you could’ve been there in person. xo, Margaret! 🥰

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