I enjoy questions. Gentle probes, whether I’m the inquiring mind or the query recipient. When I admire someone, I find a way to ask about a skill or quality I observe and appreciate. How did you come to be this way? Do you have a story to share?
Occasionally, I’ll admit, it’s a technique I use with clients. Early on in the rapport-building effort, acknowledging strengths is a safe way to slowly demonstrate positive regard and an interest in building a connection. You might already be thinking this…and you’re right. It only works if authenticity and genuineness are obvious. I’m a believer in earning trust in a slow and steady manner.
Why does it matter? Some of us expertly hyper-focus on our weaknesses. Especially when we’re feeling unsure or unsettled. The piling on occurs as a single disappointment leads to a cavalcade of angst. Even for the most hearty, confident folks, it can be hard to shove the pile-up aside in order to gain perspective. When I’m doing my work well, I help others find higher ground. The view is always better when you can wrangle a bit of elevation (literal, spiritual – take your pick).
It’s simple enough. Compassionate and loving…shining a light on a positive attribute puts a twinkle of potential on a bothersome, sometimes shadowy path. I love joining others in this discovery process. I’m just the guide, imperfect in my own ways but purposeful about helping. In most instances I find internal navigation is already nested within the one before me. Very “Glinda-to-Dorothy” like: You’ve always had the power, my dear.
In two separate instances this week I had an opportunity to be the best version of myself in this regard. Vicki as lighting director…swiveling a gentle, warm glow toward someone in need. Not because I was the source. Just a reflective tool. All of which prompted me to return to one of my favorite resources, Brené Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart”. I’ve read the book several times; it’s annotated and earmarked because I find wisdom anew every time I pull it from the shelf.
Brown’s perspective about the power of connection and her simple, brilliant definition of its power lights me up every time I read it. Reminders about the healing potential of kindness and humanity:
“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”
-Atlas of the Heart, p. 170
Deriving sustenance. Whether giving or receiving, I’m a fan of light and love.
Hugs…from me to you!
-Vicki 😊
P.S. Check out my Victoria Ponders post for more insight about maintaining balance despite life’s inevitable swirl. Learn more about my book, “Surviving Sue” here or on Amazon. Thank you for reading and sharing your comments.
The Heart of the Matter 
When Glinda tells Dorothy her truth… well, that gets me every time. I get tearful knowing that Glinda speaks to us all. I like questions, too. Sometimes not so much the question itself, but where the answer to it takes me in terms of understanding. And for me understanding is light.
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Thanks for all of that, Ally. I love that you’re a ‘question girl’, too and your observation about where an answer might take you…so good. Cheers to you and Glinda! 😊
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Blessed is the one who basks in the light of your love dear Vicki. 💕
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That’s the sweetest thing you could say, dear Jules. Right back to you! 💕
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🥰😍😘
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Your husband and kidos are blessed to have you as a mate and mother. Your gifts of nurturing and encouragement flow so consistently. Were you like this as a little girl, or can you point to a water shed point in your life when it became more pronounced?
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What a beautiful thing to say, Doug. Thank you! I’ll need to noodle on your question about a “watershed” moment…hmmm. Thanks for giving me something potent to mull over! 😉
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I keep hearing about this Brene Brown person- I guess it’s time to read some of their stuff! 🙂
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LOL! Where to begin, where to begin??? Good luck narrowing the field. 😉😉😉
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😁
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Wisdom and wizardry, aka “The Mighty Oz.” If Glinda is on your side, who can defeat you, Vicki? Thanks for carrying the light this sunny Sunday.
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Thank you for your kindness! Glinda for the win…plus blogging friends to cheers us on? Unbeatable! 😉
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Brene Brown has such a gift, doesn’t she? I’ve been the recipient of a shining light being directed on one of my positive attribute and, let me tell you, those moments stay with a person for ever. People like you, Vicki, make the world a kind and more pleasant place to pass through. 🥰🥰🥰
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Jeepers…what a beautiful compliment and comment all rolled into one, Erin. Thank you. And yes – Brene’s got a knack for bringing the light and love. Something for all of us to aspire to. xo, dear one! 🥰
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I’ve used positive questions to help with networking events or even holiday parties where I don’t know many others. We love to talk about ourselves. If someone shows an interest, well, most people eat it up. And it means I don’t have to sit in a corner twiddling my thumbs! I don’t doubt you’re a master at questioning and getting people to open up Vicki!
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Yes! You’re right — it’s a technique that’s super-purposeful on so many levels. And your ‘inner reporter/journalist’ knows all of that soooo well. There’s a story…everywhere we look, right? And connecting, listening to stories, experiences? It’s the stuff of life! 🥰
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Light and love — absolutely beautiful, dear Vicki! I love, “shining a light on a positive attribute puts a twinkle of potential on a bothersome, sometimes shadowy path.” So true and something you do so well. Thanks for sharing a couple of your moments with us — and creating a third as you do it. Goodness begets goodness, right?
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You know it, my friend. We have choices…goodness and the nearness/proximity to it? Something to clamor toward and protect, regenerate however we can. Yes! Thanks for doing just that for me. 🥰
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I love the Brene Brown quote. So powerful! I love asking questions and finding out about people’s stories. But some people are not that interesting in others. I haven’t look at it in the perspective of building connections.
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Ah! You’re a natural connector, given all of your writing, interviewing, magazine and PR experience! 😉
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You’re correct that interviewing people for a career gives me a desire to learn about people’s backgrounds.
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😘
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Lovely piece Vicki! I believe everyone has that desire/need to be seen and heard for who they are but we get caught up in trying to fulfill the expectations of others forgetting how strong we really are. A nice nudge can be beyond helpful in those moments 🙂
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Thank you, Deb! I love your observation about how we can get SO swept up trying to satisfy expectations…geez, yes! 😉
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I do believe you have been a ‘light worker’ all your life as you continue to share your positive energy with the world. Thank you for serving humanity!
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What a beautiful thing to say…thank you, Mary. I think you are a terrific source of light and love yourself. 🥰
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