The Courage Bucket

Posted on by Victoria

Hello, October! 

This month at Heart of the Matter we’re focusing on courage, or as my sometimes-countrified father might’ve said, “gumption”.

I loved how my papa could pivot from a corporate, buttoned-up dude to his downhome, rural roots.  One of his charms, I think.  He had a knack for putting people at ease and it was a device.  The more nervous he was…and in need of a dose of encouragement, the more focused on others he became.

I think it’s a brilliant method for stepping outside of our fears – my dad’s tendency to lean in and consider the thoughts and feelings of others.  I know he did it to distract himself when he was unsure, but over time, what was borne out of uncertainty became one of his greatest strengths.

By caring for others, my dad found courage. 

How? By replenishing his resolve to be of service and lead the way.  As an adult who can easily catastrophize any small hiccup into a high hurdle, I often pause to consider, WWDD?  Yep. What WOULD Dad Do?  This is not to say that all of his decisions were good ones.  No.  He could be a bigtime avoider at times and as much as I admired him on so many levels, I wish he’d developed more of a backbone and resolve when it came to dealing with family matters, especially my mom, Sue.

I’ve learned about courage from my friend, Laura, too. 

Laura says she replenishes her “courage bucket” every time she does something she’s sure she cannot do. 😉

Take a solo trip to Japan for business?  Yep.  She flew around the world, my former colleague whose fear of flying prevented her from traveling anywhere for many years.

An opportunity presented itself – one that she figured was unlikely to come around again – and over several months, she self-talked her way into the adventure of a lifetime.  Her motto and mantra, pushing her forward when courage was in short supply?  “Go Anyhow.”  In that way, she acknowledged her fears in the months leading up to her trip and confronted her anxieties head-on so she could rationally attend to the fear factors. 

Laura journaled daily and allowed her free-flowing doomsday thoughts into the light and then countered each concern with wisdom from her heart.  With her permission, she’s allowed me to showcase her first entry into her Japan or Bust diary, one that she organized into two columns: “Thought” (which was the term she preferred to “Fear”) and “Challenge” – her response to her wayward, irrational thinking:

Thought: “If you go, you will die.”

Challenge:  “Hello, dumb dumb.  We’re all headed that way anyhow.  Next?”

The wisdom gleaned from my dad and from Laura helps me every day.  

Their tendencies toward self-deprecating humor, laughing at their fears and foibles were terrific motivating devices and examples of perseverance.

Channeling my dad when I’m unsure, I focus my attention on the welfare of others, and it puts my worries into perspective.  It’s not that I’m negligent about myself and my needs, but every time I consider others instead of allowing myself to wallow with worry, I find my stride and purpose. I keep moving. 

And Laura’s brilliance?  I mean…she’s blunt, isn’t she?  Her individualized mantra of “Go Anyhow” is an example of how we might reframe those anxiety-producing scenarios through self-talk.

I’m learning.  The boost in courage that comes from taking risks and considering greater good will always push me forward.  Maybe that’s bravery?  Maybe it’s just life and the way I’m choosing to live mine, loading up my own courage bucket one day at a time.

Interested in a little more?  My companion post on my personal blog, Victoria Ponders, showcases one of my favorite resources on this topic.  Take a peek if you have a moment more…and all the best to you.  Today and every day.

-Vicki ❤

47 thoughts on “The Courage Bucket”

  1. Pingback: Characteristics of Courage – Victoria Ponders

  2. oh, I love how your dad passed this legacy down to you. I’ve been working on this myself, and took a trip on my own to meet up with a small group of people, each doing the same, for a wonderful visit to Costa Rica, with lots of new adventures and friendship

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    1. Hello, Beth! Yep…when I’m unsure I really do try to bring him forward, even though he passed away many years ago. I love that you’re doing solo travel – that’s no small thing and a trip to Costa Rica? Wow. Cheers to all of that – just as you said,,. adventures AND friendship. Love that! 🥰

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  3. Yet again, you give me more reason to love your dad. I admire his ‘lean in’ approach to ward off uncertainty, and thoroughly relate to his tendency toward avoidance. And I love Laura’s approach of knocking her own objections off their props by replacing them with something positive. I have found that by asking, “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” fear looses it’s teeth. Things can only look up from there!

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    1. Thank you, Jules. I KNOW you and my dad would’ve gotten a major kick out of each other. Your personalities would’ve ‘clicked’…especially your humor. Thanks, too, for sharing that you connect with Laura’s story about confronting fears. “Knocking off objections”. Love that. 🥰🥰🥰

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    1. Ah…it’s all Laura’s goodness. She’s a gem and such a role model. Thank you, Michelle. Some of the best wisdom comes in small packages…like her two words – ‘Go Anyhow’! 🥰🥰🥰

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  6. What a beautiful post, Vicki! I love ” but every time I consider others instead of allowing myself to wallow with worry, I find my stride and purpose. ” You, by way of your wonderful papa, are showing us the way to get over ourselves and in the process, do big things that we want. And Laura’s example, so good! Incredible examples of courage and ways to lean in to what rattles us. Absolutely amazing! ❤ ❤ ❤

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    1. Wowzers…you’re giving me another great line/mantra. “Lean into what rattles us”. I like that! Thank you, Wynne. I love rounding up all the goodness from my smart and wise friends — you…Laura…all our blogging peeps. Good stuff! 🥰

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  7. What brilliant inspiration you have in your dad and in Laura, and the imagery of a courage bucket is great! There is so much power in putting ourselves in another’s shoes, as well as challenging our (often irrational) fears. Beautiful!

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  8. “Gumption”!!! It has been forever since I’ve heard that word…one of my favorites indeed 🙂

    Love everything about this post lady! From dad’s focus on others when he was himself struggling- yes! For me it’s helping my kids see a different future for themselves than I had. Friend Laura-yes! Been there done that after the first daughter advanced her career…by moving to Colorado (and sister now jumping the Washington ship as well) 🙂 It was face the fear and get on the damn plane because I was/will not choose my fear over my girls.

    Here’s to being bold, brave and courageous 🙂

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    1. Okay. Would it be enough to just say ‘adore you’? LOL. I do. And I remember…the whole ‘get on the damn plane’ wrangling you did…with yourself. So relatable – all that you shared. I think you, my dad and Laura are all ‘guidepost people’ helping others by being fully who you are. In your case, it’s such a gift to be connected with you in blogging land. So, THANK YOU, dear Deb. 💕

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      1. You hit it with the “being fully who you are” line! I can only be myself good/bad, positive and negative, balanced or not so much and recently leaning into the exploration of calling out truly unsettling and egregious behavior and beliefs- another one of those things I lost somewhere along the adulting road. Thank you and hugs back for ALL THE WORDS this morning 🙂

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      2. Oh golly. No thanks necessary. I love trading thoughts and ideas with you about how to honor ourselves. Those heavy ‘adulting’ roles – the care and keeping of others – can push self-care so far to the sidelines it’s not even on the field! 😉
        Cheers to finding our voices! xo! 💕

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    1. Yay! I love…that you love it! It makes sense to me, too. That visual reference point about how we can deplete it (the bucket) but also fill it back up! Thanks for being such a treasured blogging friend, Ab. 🥰

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  11. I believe writing and publishing “Surviving Sue” must have taken a large dollop of courage. Your dad sounds like such a good person and was a stabilizing factor for you growing up. I wonder if he spent so much time with his career moving up the ladder that he was not completely clear on what was going on in your home life? Or was he using his career to escape?

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    1. More reasons why I adore you. Yes on both counts, I’d say. His career progression gave him a way to escape, under the cloak of ‘breadwinner’ and I don’t think he put together the aspects of avoidance until much later in his life. He set such a good example of how to be a good person in the business world, teaching me great lessons. But I also think it was an escape hatch for him. Love your insightfulness. xo! 🥰

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  12. Laura sounds like she mastered the task of taking “educated risks” and “de-catastrophization.” Quite a model for almost anyone. With your dad and Laura showing you the way, you had (at least) two good teachers, and I’ll bet you have become one yourself. Thanks, Vicki.

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    1. Thank you for all of that! If I’ve learned one thing, it’s gratitude —rejoicing in great teachers. If I pay attention, they’re everywhere. Grateful to count you among them. 🥰

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  14. People often define courage in terms of saving someone, yet true courage to me is overcoming our fears by getting out of our comfort zones, willing to face new challenges.

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  17. Leaning into courage. I can’t help but think of the quote from the old tv show, Different Strokes, “Whatcha talkin bout Willis.” But the way you describe your dad, makes perfect sense. Get rid of my fear by doing something that the people pleaser side of me feels natural doing!!! I have to try this Vicki. Thank you for the great bit of wisdom and advice!

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