Role reversal: Learning from my kids

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

When my daughter was in high school, I would look over the essays that she submitted to her English class or for college admission applications. I would get out my red pen, it was really the “Track Changes” Tool within Microsoft Word, and highlight where I thought she should cut, use tighter language, or rephrase something. 

I would make a few edits and send it back to her. She would modify and then come back. We would go on like this, until she thought she had a paper ready to submit. I tried to help, but not get too much in the way.

Fast forward to the present day. She was talking with my wife and I about her job a few weeks ago and mentioned a conversation she had with her boss. I couldn’t help but perk up. 

After a few minutes, I responded: “You asked her what?” And when my daughter explained more of her story, I inquired some more: “She responded how?” I found the story enlightening.

Picking up new tricks

My daughters story hit me with stunning clarity that she had just pointed out the exact same conversation that I needed to have with my boss but had been putting off because we’ve both been busy and I hate conflict. I couldn’t help but make a mental note of the language and phrasing that I wanted to steal from my daughter. 

I’m not sure what happened and I’m not sure if this just applies to me or is a universal principle for all parents and children, but somewhere over time the student has become the master, and the master has become the student. I find anymore that I learn more from my kids.

Yes, yes, I’m still their parent, but it’s like some kind of modern day role reversal movie where the fun-loving kid switches places with the hardworking, strait-laced parent and vice-versa. If I didn’t know any better, I would describe what I’m experiencing as a live version of the 1976 and 2003 movies, Freaky Friday. Oh yes, yes, very freaky!

Oh, some of it makes perfect sense. Of course, my kids are going to know more about technology than me. So, yes, it makes sense that I might reach out to them for with my laptop or my smartphone or the cool new app. And yes, they’re good about opening my eyes to new pop culture items like new music or movies that I might have an interest in seeing. “Hey dad, did you hear that Taylor Swift has to miss Travis Kelce’s football game against brother?”

It’s more than that though. 

Learning from the student

Our son called us recently and told us about having to deal with some frustrations that he’s faced with his friends and work. As I listened to him, I found that I could relate, that same day a coworker sent me an urgent message late in the day asking for help with an emergency. My initial reaction was to help him, but to sulk and whine until the job was completed and complain that it wouldn’t have had to be an emergency if my coworker had been more on top of his job.

My son’s reaction to his job and the challenges he’s faced: “It is what it is, I can only control what I can control.” Uh-oh, maybe, I need to change my outlook on work. Control what I can control. That sounds good.

A new appreciation

We’ve been writing this month about appreciation and gratitude. As I’ve thought about both this month, I find that one of my biggest thank you’s in recent years goes to my adult kids for continuing to teach me what a good life means. 

I find that it means more than sitting on your laurels. It means continuing to push yourself. When our youngest son came home from college for Thanksgiving, he was talking about how Chemistry was kicking his butt. The class has been challenging. I know he’s doing his best, so I tried to be a calm voice of reason. 

I think he found our encouragement helpful, but at the same time, when it was time to go back to school, he said that knew he could do better. He was hoping to get things back on track and reach the high goals he set for himself. 

Okay, you’ve got this buddy. Maybe I should be doing the same. 

Yes, yes, I still have much to learn. Good thing my teachers are patient with me and are generous with their guidance. Yes, thank goodness!

Has this phenomenon of the student becoming the master happened to you or is it just me?

. . . . . 

Please join in on the discussion on the HoTM site. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com to read my companion piece. In addition, you can follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

Images by Pexels.

42 thoughts on “Role reversal: Learning from my kids”

  1. Pingback: Smarter than a fifth grader – Writing from the Heart with Brian

    1. Absolutely Sadje. I’ve found that when I’ve gotten high and mighty and full of myself or even my own intelligence . . . that’s usually when I’m the “dumbest” person in the room. Kids have a lot to teach us. In fact, probably smarter than us, because they’re actively learning. Plus, it’s just smart to see things through their eyes. 🙂

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  3. This is great, Brian. I think says a lot about a person to be able to humble themselves and be willing to learn from someone younger and less experienced. I’m met people who fit the bill, and others who are too proud to change, and there’s something special about those who always keep learning and growing.

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  4. Love this post…such a potent reminder of what Erin mentioned below about humility. One of the best lessons I ever learned…and keep learning…is that it’s okay to say I don’t have a clue before I get frustrated because 9 times out of 10, there’s a dear one nearby – often our daughter if it involves tricky technology – who will gladly step in and help and tolerate my questions and requests to slllooooow down so mama can follow. Thank you, Brian! 🥰

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    1. I’m glad that you mentioned asking for help. I fight that. The perfectionist in me hates to go there. But . . . I’m convinced now that if I had been more willing to say I was lost and needed help at a younger age, I would have missed a few challenges over the years. Ugh. My ego got the best of me. Ha, ha.

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  5. To be honest, I started learning from my children as soon as they were born. They taught (conditioned!) me to be more selfless, empathetic, patient, inquisitive, caring, etc., etc., etc.! Thanks for jogging my memory with your learning experiences, Brian. 🙂

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  6. I agree that we can learn from our kids. Everything from technology to relationships and how to interact in difficult situations. But first we have to take off our parent cap and listen without wanting to give our advice.

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    1. Love that EA. Such great advice. Um, I’m not going to point fingers or anything but there are some on this blogging outlet who have issues with that advise. They don’t really listen, but instead just jump in with advice. What a mess. I won’t give them away, but let’s just say their first name begins with a B and ends with an N. Ugh! Ha, ha.

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      1. You gave me a good laugh. My daughter told me point blank that she doesn’t want my advice and will ask for it when she does. Both my kids will start a conversation with “I’m asking for your advice.” That’s a clue I can pick up on. 😂

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      2. I’m stereotyping to the nth degree, but I find fathers/husbands are especially guilty of this. My wife has picked up on me standard approach. Like your kids, she’s started to tell me up front: I need you to just listen or yes, I really want to know how you would fix this problem. When she does that, oh my goodness, it’s usually a much better conversation. My typical fall back is to try to fix right away. I want whoever I’m talking to to be good. I want to help, but that might not be what is needed. UGh. Ha, ha.

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  7. I learn from my kids all the time. Their life is very different than mine was, their world is very different as well. They make me a better person all around when I just sit and listen and take in their perspective on things yet at the same time they will often still seek out my thoughts and perspective. Mutual sharing and learning between adults who respect each other. Absolutely the most cherished moments of my life right now.

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  9. Neat about learning from your kids. I’ve really enjoyed learning from my daughters. Now that they’re in college, they’ve been more open to share with me about what they’ve learned — than when they were in middle school and high school. It’s been a nice change 🙂

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    1. College was a key moment. Once it hit my kids that I wasn’t pushing straight As and instead encouraging them to do their best, to be healthy, to make friends and to make the most of college … it changed our relationship. I thought we had a good relationship before but They let me in even more than what he had previously. Still a learning experience.

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  11. What a great growth post, Brian! I think it’s your attitude that is always going to make you so fun to read and listen to – because you embrace learning from all angles. I love this sentence, “my biggest thank you’s in recent years goes to my adult kids for continuing to teach me what a good life means. ” I’m guessing you are living the good life because you are always learning!

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  13. This is a great perspective and it’s true, we do learn from our children. I love your stories. Best of all, I learn from my preschool students all the time. The questions they ask and the comments are eye-opening, and I learn!

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  15. I can relate to your post very much, Brian. I’ve had situations where I trust my son’s knowledge on a subject far more than my own.

    I also had a moment when near the end of my mom’s life that I was reading stories to her. As I was driving home later, I kept thinking about how we had come full circle.

    Best of luck with your boss.

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