I Haven’t Tried Anything and Nothing Works

Posted on by Wynne Leon

The other day I walked in to my appointment with Deirdre, who is not only my meditation teacher, but also my massage therapist, and announced, “I’ve stopped believing in that story about my foot.”

She asked, “What story?”

I replied, “The one where I tell myself that my foot and ankle pain are just a part of getting older so I can’t do anything about them.”

Deirdre and I have known each other for almost 30 years and she’s seen me struggle with my left foot for most of those. I have a corn on my left pinky toe I have because it sticks out from being broken as a kid. When I was in my 30’s, she suggested I could shave it down, I told her it would just grow back and ignored the advice. We’ve shared a giggle about my stubbornness more than a time or two.

Then I’ve struggled with plantar fasciitis for more than 10 years. I have a bone spur growing up from the base on the big toe. Every time I wear something other than tennis shoes with supportive insoles, I pay extra for it for a couple of days.

Somewhere along the line, I just accepted that I’d have chronic pain in both feet, but particularly the left. The narrative I was telling myself was that it was my own fault as a result of too much walking, hiking, and climbing.

Until five days before my appointment with Deirdre. I had recently listened to a Ten Percent Happier podcast, The Science of Self-Compassion with Dr. Serena Chen and it struck a chord of listening to what we tell ourselves. All of a sudden, I noticed that that story was keeping me from doing anything to fix it.

It reminded me of a guy who I used to work with. He’d report that in times of stress or emergency, his team would be running around saying, in essence, “I haven’t tried anything and nothing works.”

So I made an appointment with Deirdre.

I ordered a slant board so that I can stand on it when stirring a pot or doing the dishes to really stretch the Achilles.

Deirdre taped my ankles and showed me again how to walk all the way through my stride. Then I ordered a light ankle brace/sock to provide more support.

I started some ankle strengthening exercises along with the stretching I do.

Now I’ve been nearly pain-free for nearly two weeks, something I haven’t been for 20 years. It’s not perfect. I can tell when my feet are tired on the days I have clocked 15,000 steps walking the dog and chasing down my four-year-old son as he learns to ride a bike. But as Atul Gawande points out in his book, Being Mortal, our feet are essential to our wellness.

But it’s a world of difference now that I’ve taken these steps (pun intended). Not having chronic pain to distract me has left me with time to investigate what other stories I’ve been telling myself.

(featured photo from Pexels)

Related posts:

Episode 10: The Power of Intuition with Deirdre Wilcox

Episode 14: Holding Space with Deirdre Wilcox

In Good Company by Vicki Atkinson

44 thoughts on “I Haven’t Tried Anything and Nothing Works”

  4. If you can defeat pain, you have climbed a different kind of mountain. You are a woman who will not be be defeated. Brava, Wynne!

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  6. I think we all have these stories Wynne, and we use them strategically sometimes to simply move on with life rather than understanding that taking care of ourselves means taking care of the people we love as well. We (I’m thinking women especially) easily devalue ourselves for lots of reasons that I will leave alone. The quote you included speaks volumes.

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  7. There’s a literary term I had never heard before until recently that I think applies: Unreliable Narrator. It’s a storyteller in a piece of fiction whose story cannot be fully trusted. Ha, ha. I’m with you Wynne. I always say nothing will work on my back, but there are some things that would help, if I would just take advantage of them. Ha ha. 😎😎😎😎

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      1. I got back in the pool and was kicking and now my right foot hurts on top. Kicking, that would be where I’m hitting my foot on the water. Maybe a few days off or ice?

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  13. There exists a spectrum between blind optimist and a defeatist attitude, and I personally think the sweet spot is acknowledging the power we have in any situation, however limited that power may be. Your story is such a beautiful encapsulation of taking charge of our narratives and actions, and and benefits to be reaped! I hope you remain pain-free, Wynne!

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    1. Oh, you’ve written so beautifully about finding that power, however limited it may be. You are certainly one of my heroes in rebuilding one step at a time. Thanks for the good wishes, Erin!

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  14. I enjoyed this post! There’s a lot of misinformation on plantar fasciitis. Mainly because podiatrists are (only) qualified to address feet. Meanwhile, muscles that attach to your pelvis are responsible for pulling your feet against gravity (aka supination) in the walking gait cycle. Those muscles are also responsible for decelerating foot and ankle motion (aka pronation) when your feet collide with the ground. To have plantar fasciitis, muscles that attach to your pelvis are weak. (Seventy-five percent of your muscles attach to your pelvis.) When you feel muscle tightness, you also have underperforming muscles (that you can’t feel). In other words, you can’t have a tight muscle without an underperforming muscle. If you’re wondering what comes first, it’s the underperforming muscle (you can’t feel 👀). Then, your brain 🧠 that’s hard-wired to protect, calls upon muscles to tighten. For this reason, calf stretches and anything that addresses tightness goes against the workaround your brain 🧠 has worked out for you. While stretching can feel good at the time, your brain 🧠 prioritizes protection. So, after stretching, for instance, muscles continue to tighten to protect your foot and ankle from going into positions your brain 🧠 perceives as being vulnerable to an injury. Rinse, repeat. You feel your feet at the end of the day because you haven’t done anything that addresses stability. In other words, the pre-existing underperforming muscles throughout your pelvis are incapable of keeping up with the demands of everyday life. Until your brain 🧠 recognizes stability throughout your trunk and spine, your plastic brain 🧠 won’t change. 🙂 The bottom line: Plantar fasciitis is less about the pain you feel in your foot and the tightness you feel in your calf and more about muscles that attach to your pelvis that are neurologically incapable of performing their role to the best of their ability.

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    1. Wow – such interesting information. You certainly have the right domain name and experience to address a lot of this chronic pain. Thanks for chiming in, Rick!

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  15. Bravo! I don’t know if you’re into talking to your body during meditation, but I often ask aches and pains what they’re trying to tell me. The really deep down stuff. And then send it divine love.

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  16. I really really get this. I’ve suffered with plantar fasciitis in both feet and bunions mostly from wearing shoes that were too tight or heels in the past. Now I’m all about comfort. I’ve gone to the podiatrist. I went to the massage therapist. They gave me exercises and ways to sit and sleep and walk and stand, and it helps everything my back which is connected to my legs which are connected to my feet. I love to walk every day. I love to go long distances and like you if I’m not worrying the right shoes I suffer for it like you I also got to the point why I decided to do something about it and it made all the difference.

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    1. Oh, a fellow sufferer that also did something about it! Thanks for sharing your experience, Beth. I love to walk too so I’m glad to hear you were able to make such a difference. It gives me hope that I can keep this going!

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  17. I’ve had some pain myself and “just lived with it.” I should follow your example! For some reason I seem to lack the courage to take the next step…but one step at a time, right?

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  18. I’m so glad you are feeling better and that you went against your traditional internal narrative to try something different!

    The stories we tell ourselves and that we listen to are indeed so important and shape so much of our experience and it’s harder to go against the narrative as we get older and set in our ways.

    I’m glad you tried a different approach and yielded positive results!

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  19. I identified with this post a lot, Wynne. It’s funny what we do to rationalize something. I don’t remember exactly when my neuropathy started, but somehow I convinced myself it was from being on my feet all day as a teacher. That may be true, but it was dumb on my part not to seek out the truth and dig deeper. I’m now being more proactive. A lot of the questions just lead to more questions. The trouble with the autoimmune diagnosis is it’s a catch-all for “we just don’t really know.” As a logical person, that’s hard for me to accept.

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