As We Sat Together

Posted on by Victoria

“Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.”
-George Orwell, 1984, Chapter 2, Page 252

A former student – one who’s struggling right now – brought this quote (above) to my attention recently. I’d read “1984” many moons ago but that particular line? I didn’t recall it.

The powerlessness that he feels at the moment is palpable and raw. Worrying whether the ideological and reckless intentions of the current U.S. President will put him in harm’s way. And if not him, those he loves.

When he asked me how I’m making sense of the madness, hoping for insight, I disappointed him. I have no platitudes or hopeful commentary; in fact, I encouraged him to think long and hard about the decisions that he might make in the coming days with safety in mind. I don’t want to say too much about the rising oppression he’s feeling but let’s just say he feels he has a target on his back times three…sometimes four. Worse? The targets seem to shift, day to day.

This is vulnerability, the likes of which I’ve not experienced in my professional life. What I can offer? Love and understanding – to the greatest extent possible – but I can’t change the trajectory of inhumanity in motion. I can remind him of the many like-minded people I know who are aghast at the dehumanization in progress who feel powerless – except for the ability to express our disdain and horror and raise our voices.

I can sit with him, over coffee and offer kind eyes. But I cannot assure safety or normalcy or envision what comes next. In fact, the worries I carry? I dare not share them. His burden is already too great.

And so, we sat together…and toward the end of our visit he shared the Orwell quote as he said,

“Orwell was on the right track and I believed those words once. That I wasn’t seeking love – just understanding but now I know. Understanding is too much to hope for. What I want now? Just peace. To be who I am. The way I am. To be me. Without ridicule.”


I nod; we cried. As we sat together.

Vicki 💔

Inspiration? Take a look at my post on Victoria Ponders today. Although my dad’s been gone for many years, he continues to provide comfort and direction in trying times.

65 thoughts on “As We Sat Together”

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  2. Beautiful, Vicki. It makes me sad to think about the many people in the US who feel abandoned, targeted, unsafe… and the many who will literally be harmed by the cruel and reckless actions of the new administration.

    It is hard to think of how to respond in this situation. But I do think just offering a kind gentle shoulder does help provide that understanding they are seeking.

    Sending warmest thoughts to your student and all those who need the understanding and love these darker days.

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    1. Thank you so much, Ab. It’s almost beyond my comprehension. Appreciate your kindness – always. I think you’d adore my student/friend. He’ll be reading and watching; your comforting words matter. 💝

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  6. Oh Vicki. This is heartbreaking and your friend is not alone in feeling that way. You used the term “powerless”, which really sums up the sentiments of so many of my American friends right now. There’s a feeling of despair, and disbelief, yet’s it’s all heartbreakingly real. As Ab said above, a kind gentle shoulder is a start, but it doesn’t take away the fear. I pray every day for a peaceful resolution to the chaos. But I too feel powerless. 🤗

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    1. Thank you, Michelle. The supportive comments and hearing from others who see the insanity does provide comfort. I can only imagine what friends in other countries – like you and other dear ones in Canada – must be thinking. It’s surreal and horrifying. Thank you for your prayers. 💝

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  10. Oh my gosh Vicki, you tugged at my heartstrings my friend. There are times like these that want to jump in and help ease the pain and offer some type of wisdom to calm the fear that abounds. But what you did with this former student spoke volumes. Sometimes you can’t say, you just have to be a presence that will soothe the woundedness some people feel…just being there…saying nothing.

    Love this: “What I can offer? Love and understanding – to the greatest extent possible – but I can’t change the trajectory of inhumanity in motion. I can remind him of the many like-minded people I know who are aghast at the dehumanization in progress who feel powerless – except for the ability to express our disdain and horror and raise our voices.”

    I reread 1984 a few years ago, and when I reread a review I wrote on Goodreads, I can’t believe that a book that was published in 1949 is so prophetic in this day and time. It’s as if he envisioned a nightmare of distortion and dictatorship, tearing at the fabric of modern democracy. Be courageous and do not fear…but continue to fight in the way you were equipped and I am not talking about an assault rifle either. Much love to you my friend. 😘💖🥰

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    1. Exactly, dear Kym. We want to take away the pain…but feel powerless. I’m thankful to you for providing the wisdom to stay strong through education, intellect and compassion.
      ❤️❤️❤️

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      1. Oh my dear Victoria, I love how you ‘ponder’ my friend. I appreciate your kind and generous heart. Thank you for being your genuine and unique “you!” Much love, lots of hugs and plenty of smooches coming your way! 🤗💖😘

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  11. What a beautiful and powerful post. I understand the feeling of powerlessness but sitting side by side has a power in and of itself. By shouldering a burden alongside another, we help take the weight. Even if just for a short time, it can help provide a break and an energy boost for the way forward. I love that you did that — and show us the way how!

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  13. I remember the quiet but I don’t agree with it. We can’t always understand because we can’t always put ourselves into the soul of those who want to be understood. But we can’t always understand always love and with love foster peace. I think that’s really what so many want and what we certainly can give.

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  14. The young man was lucky to have you, Vicki. And good for you to write about what is happening, Unless we take a stand, we will all be diminished. As the generation following the Third Reich wondered, “What did you do then?,” our grandchildren will wonder about us.

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  15. I am so dismayed that the U.S. is seemingly well and truly in the grips of fascism and that so much harm is being done to so many people. There really is no words to comfort someone who is in the crosshairs of a right-wing administration and their twisted ideologies. Offering love, kindness, and speaking/standing up against this cruelty is hopefully how many of us will respond. Thanks for sharing this.

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    1. You said all of that so well, Molly. “In the crosshairs” is how many are feeling right now. Appreciate you for your voice – lifting others up with education. 💝

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  16. What a supportive time that you guys had — and that you give with this post. Listening and being together. The assurance that your student isn’t alone. The reassurance that we can feel gloomy right now, but bright spots (and people) are out there 🌞

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  17. We wrote today about two different topics, but in many respects my piece on telling someone ‘sorry for your loss’ and yours on being there for a friend have a lot in common. It really is less about the words and more about “just being there” for the other person. I curse myself sometimes for not having the right words. I need to remind myself though that it’s so much more valuable just sitting with them. “I nod; we cried. As we sat together.”

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  18. This seems like sound advice. How do we make sense out of the unexplainable? Rather than dwell on it, I put my head down and think about how I can contribute something positive to those around me. I feel empathy toward your former student. Always having to look over one’s shoulder out of fear is such a sad commentary on where we are as a society.

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  20. Thank you for writing this piece, Vicki. I was having a similar discussion with a young person on another platform about how scared she felt in this current environment. I told her it saddened me that we are living in a time when people don’t feel safe to be themselves freely. As citizens, we should be able to live in harmony with others, regardless of our political or religious beliefs, and allow freedom of speech and expression to flourish.

    What you did was the right thing to do under the circumstances. Sometimes, all we can do is offer a shoulder to cry on.

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  21. Your post is heartbreaking, Vicki. I saw Wynne’s comment and it just feels so right to me. By shouldering a burden you help share the weight, and that is significant; even more so when you write about it and share it again with readers who will take even more weight away with words of kindness and a projection of you are NOT alone. It is a ripple effect of strength. ❤️

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  23. Sometimes the best gift is to listen, Vicki, so you were wonderful. I’ve never read 1984, can you believe it? And honestly, I’m afraid to because I feel like we’re living it from what I’ve heard. What a month January has been! I don’t recall a new year ever starting out so tragically and shockingly as this one…anyway, thank you for sharing this lovely post. xo

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    1. Thank you so much, Lauren. I think you’re right. Sometimes we just don’t have the words…
      And re: “1984” – good golly. I’m with you. If you haven’t read, I’m not sure this is the time. Agree, agree. Sending love and big hugs to you. Appreciate you as a dear and smart friend – in solidarity despite the madness. xo! 💕

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