Apples & Authenticity

Posted on by Victoria

No one man can, for any considerable time, wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which is the true one.

– Nathaniel Hawthorne

When I’m around someone who resonates with authenticity – it’s often because their words and actions match but that’s not my only observation. There’s another layer…an inkling gleaned about natural poise and peace…drawn from a place nestled deep within. Do you know what I mean?

Whenever I sense true authenticity – not the performative variety – I instinctively feel safer. Calmer. Less artifice is appealing. Not needing to overthink from the start – wondering about the possible incongruence between affect and behavior…thoughts and feelings…words and deeds that are a mismatch.

I worked with a kind man many years ago…we’ll call him Aaron…and he demonstrated a level of comfort with himself that I admired. Aaron was admittedly a little goofy…in his mannerisms and sense of humor but I always knew he meant well. When he asked how people were, he slowed down to actually listen to their response. This often meant he was colossally late for meetings but we all knew why. Aaron was having a moment with someone on the way. 💝

As a father of two young boys Aaron’s days were packed and his schedule was rigid. He was not the guy to ask out for coffee before work or grab lunch midday. Neither was he inclined to socialize at the local pub every now and then. Not Aaron and we knew why. He was dedicated to his work-world but not at the expense of family life.

I hadn’t thought about Aaron in ages, but he joined me – in a joyful memory – recently as I ate an apple while driving. I was in between meetings and my customary snack supply (truly the heaviest thing in my tote bag) was reduced to a Honeycrisp apple. Although I had a hankering for a protein bar, an apple would do and I was grateful for it.

Grabbing the apple and the paper towel I’d remembered to include in my bag, Aaron was my ride along from the first juicy bite. I swear I heard him chuckle as I tucked the paper towel into my collar like a bib. Not something I normally do, but I didn’t want apple juice all over my sweater before my next meeting and it was Aaron’s signature move to protect his tie on the drive home.

In that flash, I remembered Aaron’s stories about eating well and “saving two apples” for his evening commute. The apples en route weren’t just snacks for Aaron. They were energy-enhancing-time-saving-tricks. After a long day he didn’t want to arrive home famished and grumpy and he learned that chomping on apples while driving kept him off his phone and focused on the transition to home life. So much so that he said by the time he pulled into the driveway, apple cores and work bag in tow, he was ready for family time. Ready to play with his boys, listen to their stories from the day and enlist their help so that making dinner was part of family time…and thus so much easier to keep everyone at the table when the food was ready.

Patting my paper towel to keep it in place as I drove and nibbled, I smiled between bites as I thought about Aaron. He never made excuses for not joining colleagues for outings – either because of the time it would take away from his family or the expense. We just knew. He was a good dad and partner with his priorities in order. Unabashedly. With love.

Later, when I arrived home, I ceremonially shot a basket into the garbage can with my wrapped-up apple core…and gave a silent cheer to Aaron and his surely now-grown boys. I hope they’re well…and happy. Grateful for a sweet memory of an authentic, apple-loving father. A man who wore the same face in all aspects of his world.

-Vicki 😊

Hi – I’m Victoria, Vicki, Dr. Vicki. I hold a doctorate in Adult Education and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and author of Surviving Sue | Eckhartz Press.

Check out this link to learn more about my book “Surviving Sue” – all about resilience and love.

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48 thoughts on “Apples & Authenticity”

  1. What a lovely story about Aaron, who had his priorities right. Your opening quote is perfect and oh so true. There’s another quote, which I cannot remember or find, that talks about alignment of mind, voice and spirit. It’s there we find true harmony. Being in harmony with ourselves is necessary to experience joy and that special kind of inner peace.
    Thank you for sharing Vicki. Have you ever talked to Aaron since your workdays? I wonder how he’s doing.

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    1. Thank you, Alegria! Yep…I’m definitely thinking about congruence and priorities these days as I see so many flawed humans in leadership roles. Appreciate your observations. And I really should reach out to Aaron. It’s been too long…
      Much love to you!❤️

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      1. To find congruence at the leadership level that we are seeing politically, I’d surmise, is an impossibility. Authenticity and political leadership certainly don’t align. Sad, but true.
        Love and hugs to you too Vicki. 💕

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  3. I think the comfort with one’s authentic self also allows an individual to express a wide range of emotional, intellectual, and behavioral possibilities. Sometimes peace, sometimes unhappiness, etc. If an individual were always in the same state, his authenticity might be questionable. My take, Vicki. Thanks.

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  4. Aaron sounded like a wonderful colleague and person. And I love his two Apple hack at the end of the day to help recenter and ready himself for family time! 🍎

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  5. Oh, this is so sweet! A whole new layer to the wisdom “an apple a day…” Love this story that feeds us on so many levels. Hats off to you and to Aaron for your genuine authenticity!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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  6. This is a profound account of someone (confident in who he was) who did it right without succumbing to work/social stressors. Thanks for sharing this wonderful story, Vickie. 🙂

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  9. What a fantastically sweet story! 💞So much here to emulate from Aaron – “slowing down to actually listen”, “dedicated to work but not at the expense of family life”, “bibs” (LoL, always a good idea even for adults), taking time to transition from one activity to the next… Thank you for sharing such an uplifting story! I’ll be smiling many times today thinking of this. 😊

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  10. You sure Aaron’s real name wasn’t really Johnny Appleseed. Sounds like he passed along a wealth of information about apples and work-life balance! And yes being around someone who resonates with authenticity is an interesting thing. It’s like you can see their genuineness and their hearts pumping on the outside of their body.

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  11. this is such a sweet post about a friend who truly lived life as he was, and unapologetically. what wonderful memories you have of him and definitely should reach out to say hello if you can. life is short and it’s so important to let people know how they’ve impacted you –

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    1. You are so right about that, Beth, and the older I become, the more I realize how important it is to let people know when we’re thinking of them. Thank you for that. xo, dear one! 💕🥰💕

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  12. I know I’d like Aaron. And what an inspirational idea to chomp on apples as part of the transition home. Intentional, proprioceptive activity to literally nourish the body, mind, and soul. Beautiful!

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  14. How sweet! I could have been friends with a guy like Aaron. Anyone who puts their family first is pretty great in my book.

    Your paper towel apple story also brought back a funny memory from my high school. My buddies and I used to dare each other to do some embarrassing thing. (There’s a show on television now called Impractical Jokers that follows the same premise.) To encourage one of the people in our friend group to take the dare, we’d throw in a few bucks. I remember one of the guys took the dough and wore a baby bib in a restaurant while he was eating his meal. We were so mature. 🤣

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    1. Oh, Pete…can you hear me laughing? Yes – absolutely! Your brand of humor and Aaron’s would’ve been well matched! Too funny…about the bib. Thank you so much! 🤣🥰🤣

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  16. Oh my Vicki…”natural poise and peace.” How can you not love a person like Aaron! Talk about bringing back a fond memory of tucking in your paper towel and taking a bite out of that apple! 😁🍎🍏🍎😂 What a delicious memory my friend! 🥰💖🤗 Thanks a million for sharing. Thanks for planting the apple seeds of an authentic apple-loving dad!

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  17. In my experience it’s the small memories that make for some of the most sound advice. A delightful story. I like Aaron and his sensibleness. I also adore apples so this story is win-win.

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    1. Thanks so much, Ally. I found a quote the other day that I need to research a little more but the ‘gist of it was precisely what you described. Write about the small memories and self-contained incidents…reminding us of universal truths. I’m paraphrasing…but your comment makes me think you were the bright one who was quoted! And…you would’ve loved Aaron. Just unique enough for we who like the spirited ones! xo…and Happy Friday to you. 🥰

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  18. My goodness, Aaron is a role model for being true to yourself. How lucky for you that you got to know him. Hawthorne’s quote is as powerful today (perhaps more so) then it was back in his day. Thank you for this terrific post, Vicki!

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  20. Isn’t it amazing what can spark the loveliest of memories! This was very moving to read as I have these moments too, often related to remembering my Dad, which always makes me smile. Aaron sounded wonderful, I have known people like this too, and they definitely leave a mark.

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