They say mid-life is a time when you ask yourself the same questions you did in adolescence. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? Et cetera, et cetera. In reality, we probably ask them all throughout our lives, at various times. But I can attest to the fact that for me, as a middle-aged woman, the question of whether I’m making a difference has taken on an increased urgency as of late.
When feeling this sense of urgency, my first reaction is to want to go out and do something BIG and bold. Something to ensure I’m leaving a valuable legacy behind. And those wouldn’t be considered unworthy goals, in and of themselves. But in these moments, I must also remind myself that making a difference isn’t just about chasing my own goals and dreams. It’s also about helping others pursue theirs – perhaps even more so.
The following quote sums this thought up nicely (emphasis added).
“I don’t really care if people forget me. My legacy wasn’t about me. It was about everything I could do for another. When that sinks in…well you try a little harder. You dream a little broader. Your heart stretches a little farther and you find that you can’t go back to the same place and make it fit.”
Shannon L. Alder
Ironically, when we get behind the endeavors of someone else, we often find ourselves making a difference in ways we hadn’t anticipated. A great example of this can be found in the life of General William Tecumseh Sherman, as told in Ego is the Enemy.
“…during the siege at Fort Donelson, Sherman technically held a senior rank to General Ulysses S. Grant. While the rest of Lincoln’s generals fought amongst themselves for personal power and recognition, Sherman waived his rank, choosing to cheerfully support and reinforce Grant instead of issuing orders. This is your show, Sherman told him in a note accompanying a shipment of supplies; call upon me for any assistance I can provide.”
Ego is The Enemy, Ryan Holiday
How did General Sherman make a difference, you ask? Well, Holiday goes on to say, “Together, they won one of the Union’s first victories in the war.”
The beautiful thing is we can all be General Shermans, of a sort. And opportunities abound in every facet of life. It can be picking up the slack on other tasks when a co-worker is handling a large project. It can be promoting someone’s creative efforts. It can be showing up at a friend’s fundraiser and saying, “Put me to work.”
In other words, there are a myriad of ways we can embrace our inner General Sherman. When we do, I assure you, we’re making a difference. And we’re doing so in the most impactful way possible… by lifting up a fellow human being.
Thank you for reading. Blessings, Kendra
The Heart of the Matter 
Lovely post, and a major theme in my life these days, hoping I made a difference; hoping it was enough. So happy to have found your blog, thanks to a lovely nudge from Writing From the Heart With Brian. Looking forward to following you regularly! 🙂
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We’re so happy you found us too, Patti! And I’m happy to know you can relate. I’d started off with the Maya Angelou quote about people will forget what you do, but not how you made them feel. Which is a fantastic quote (truly!), but somewhat subjective. I think it’s more about finding actionable ways to support other people. Not sure if that makes sense, but in any case, appreciate the comment and so happy to see you here!
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I’ve always loved that quote too, but yes, I’ve found that as I grow older, I worry less about ‘making’ others happy in favour of just ‘being’ a positive presence. I’m having a hard time putting it into words here, which means I’ll be thinking about it for days and hopefully putting it into writing sometime soon. I love when that happens and I sincerely thank you for that 🙂🙏
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I love what you said there – “just being a positive presence.” That reaches out and grabs me. Now you’ll have me thinking about it too! Thank you again, Patti! 🤍
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🙂🙂🙂💕
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I agree, it is a lovely post and a great thought-provoking theme! I love the Sherman example: I once read this study that was done with a bunch of different groups to see how they collaborated to build a toy-structure. The team that performed the worst was… of all CEOs 🙂 A live example of the old saying “Too many cooks spoil the broth”? Sometimes we need to help with cleaning the dishes, no?
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This is beautiful, Kendra. I imagine, at the end of one’s life, they are not thinking about the achievements and accolades, but instead about those small acts of human kindness. How did others show up in unexpected, moving ways for me? And how often did I do the same for others? Great food for thought here. Thank you for that. 😊
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Thank you, Erin! You’re so right. And you get to the heart of what I was feeling. We can get caught up in trying to do something big and bodacious (that’s such a fun word, btw😀), when nobody will care about those things, besides us. But taking a meal to a family who’s lost a loved one? Or showing up to sit with them when they’re hurting? Those are things that live on. Thank you for the very insightful comment!
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Kendra — you had me with this, …”making a difference isn’t just about chasing my own goals and dreams. It’s also about helping others pursue theirs – perhaps even more so.” The older I get the more that’s true for me, too. I’m still an achiever, but the satisfaction of helping others – especially in the small, not-very-splashy ways, is what fills me up. Thank you for your post! 😊😊😊
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Exactly so, Vicki! I can’t do away with the achiever inside either, but I often say to myself, “If I do nothing else in life, I WILL be a support to others.” That helps keep me grounded and not focused solely on self. Most of the time, anyway. 🙂 Thanks so much for the kind comment, friend! 🤍
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xoxo! 💕
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I appreciate the point you are making, Kendra. General Sherman, as perhaps you know, was a complicated figure. The “total war” aspect of his most famous campaigns — moving through the South and such cities as Atlanta, GA, and Columbia, South Carolina — produced much intentional destruction of non-military property, fires, etc. I don’t know whether this was the first example of “total war” (a war that didn’t exempt and sometimes targeted civilians and their properties, homes, etc.), but certainly has been adopted widely to the great unhappiness and death of innocents, including women and children.
I bring this up because I find (and I imagine you do, too) it hard to use anyone who does such things as a person to cite as a laudatory example. (I realize you cited him for something unrelated to the things I’m describing).
If you think it best to delete my comment, I will have no hard feelings. I have only respect and admiration for you, so you needn’t worry about taking out this comment if you believe it best.
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What an interesting point you make, Dr. Stein. By the way, I just found this comment in the SPAM filter (for no reason that I can identify – maybe it’s just a new blog thing) and so Kendra hasn’t seen it just because it was stuck, not for any bigger reason.
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Thank you, Wynne. I didn’t make anything of its absence since I invited it’s deletion, but it was kind of you to send this comment. As to SPAM, I have the sense my ow SPAM filter is now on steroids! Moreover, that the items in SPAM on my phone are not identical to those in my desktop. Beware!
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That is so odd about the spam filter. Maybe the WP people are adjusting some things?
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Not sure if it’s related, but I just found there’s an update to the app. Not everyone uses the app, I know, but apparently there were some bugs. 🤷🏼♀️
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For me at least, it is not just WordPress, but the SPAM in general. I suppose I should just look to see if I can adjust the SPAM filer myself.
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I apologize as well, Dr. Stein, for not seeing this!! It’s funny that you mention what you did though, because I paused when writing this piece. I didn’t know all of the things you mentioned, just that he’d been temporarily recalled from his command sometime prior to this incident, for the way he’d spoken out on things. I figured it had been much prior and was unrelated, but funny how you feel that little nudge sometimes – like maybe you should investigate further (and which I didn’t do).
As to deleting a comment from you? Never, ever! I wouldn’t do that anyway, but beyond that, I value your input tremendously. Plus, I think you make a great point. I suppose there is good and bad to be said of most people, and while we can applaud General Sherman in this instance, I see now that he wasn’t laudatory in many others. I appreciate what you’ve shared, Dr. Stein – as always, you have most excellent insight!
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Thank you, Kendra. I also hesitated to make the comment because, as you say, we are far from perfect — meaning the human race. In any case, no harm done, except to General Sherman’s reputation, at least in the North.
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I’m glad you did! I think it needed to be said, Dr. Stein, and I appreciate your willingness to speak up. 🤍
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Just last night as I was waiting for sleep creep in, my mind sent me a compelling message: “Stop thinking so much about yourself and start thinking more about others. Today I’m going to embrace my inner General Sherman. Thanks for reinforcing the message of my wise inner self. I should pay attention, and listen more often . . . !
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I love that, Julia! And thank YOU for reinforcing what was on my heart. I appreciate your candor and openness in sharing. I’m going to embrace my inner General Sherman today as well! 🙏
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It’s often so easy to sensationalize the big examples and only focus on those. I think so much goes on around us daily- rather I am the driving force or it be a group quietly making a difference in the lives of others, or even simply a small gesture like a smile given genuinely as you walk past a person on the sidewalk… Most don’t ask for or even want to be noticed for what they do, yet they keep on doing it because it’s simply who they are. We need both I think- the large and very impactful to keep us aware, but we also can’t lose the everyday small difference making that comes from kindness and willingness to connect with another human being. Thank you, for the reminder that we can all choose to make a difference in our own way Kendra.
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What a wonderful comment, Deb! You touch on such great things. I agree that some people are more intrinsically motivated – or just have a caring nature, in general.
Not to get off track, but I also had to chuckle, because my husband teases me about the smiling at strangers thing. Well, smiling and saying hello. He says I say “hello” from 50 feet
away. But truly, I love that you mentioned that. As you said, a simple smile goes so far in terms of human connections, and yet, it’s somewhat of a lost art these days.
I appreciate your thoughtful (and thought-provoking) comment! 🤍
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Secret to share: I do my own little sociological experiments when I’m out and about. It’s in my nature to acknowledge people that I pass, at the very least with a smile if you can make eye contact… but more often with a smile and greeting. When I initiate I have seen direct changes in peoples demeanor and attitude usually from stoic and self engrossed to a small spark of awareness of their world and the people in it.
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I’ve experienced much the same. Sometimes people look surprised at first, but that usually and quickly turns into a look of pleasure. And I’ll have to share your experiment with my husband, so he knows it’s not just me that’s friendly to strangers. 😊🤍
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I love this post, Kendra! You give some great examples – I’d never heard that about Sherman and Grant before. And in addition, you write so beautifully that just reading this makes me feel more expansive. Thank you for that gift!
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Thank you so much, Wynne! You have the nicest things to say, and your comments never fail to brighten my day. I appreciate you!
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A lovely post and reminder that we each can make a lasting difference in our own ways.
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Thank you for the kind comment, Ab!Here’s to all of us making a difference in our respective worlds. 🙏🤍
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Great post Kendra, I can so relate. I’ve found this to be true even in my work. I care less about who gets the credit. I have no patience for playing those kinds of games. It’s like you explained, I care about lifting up a fellow human being and making a positive presence. I see it too with my relationship with my adult kids. My proudest dad moments aren’t the typical things. Instead, it’s getting a call from them and having a friend-like, rambling hour long conversation that goes in a million directions. They ask me about a challenge at work that they’re seeking some input, but it could also just be anything. Now that’s gold. Thanks so much for the wonderful post. Gets me thinking. Love that.
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I loved reading your comment, Brian, because I couldn’t agree more. On all counts. The things you’ve mentioned are indeed gold. Or as Brad Paisley would say, that’s the “good stuff.” 😊
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EW, you always have such great things to say, and here you are, doing it again! Sometimes we do indeed need to just help with cleaning the dishes. And I especially love that, as I’m not good at cooking… but I can work a dishrag or a sponge just fine. 😉 In all seriousness, the experiment involving all CEOs was a great example. Thank you for sharing that, and for your thoughtful comment! 🤍
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