Family Stories: Courage & Creativity

Posted on by Victoria

I’ve long admired people who have the innate capacity for storytelling, especially when the topic is family focused.  Whether it’s a rich, oral history shared at holiday gatherings (often where the SAME stories are told and retold, becoming family traditions) or when we’re writing to capture stories which become legacies – connecting threads through the generations. Either way?  I’m a fan.

I also admire those who have the creative gifts to compile and preserve precious family photographs – digitally or by creating heirlooms in the form of custom books that become keepsakes.  Tangible, relatable, lasting connections between present day and the family members we’ve lost or never met.  In my mind, there’s no better way to honor a loved one than to remember – sweetly, vibrantly – and sometimes, courageously – as we share true tales of pain and often, transcendence. 

I saved an article from the Washington Post last year because the author, Anna Nordberg’s perspective gave me a bravery boost as I was in the midst of finishing my book about my mom’s life.  Anna wrote:

“Telling family stories is powerful, but not always in the way we think. Stories are a way of preserving family history, but more importantly, they create a sense of continuity and resilience, and — this is the thing we often forget — they build a framework to understand painful experiences and celebrate joyful ones.”

Continuity and resilience.  Yes…and yes.  I felt as if Nordberg was speaking directly to me…especially the reminder that the painful experiences with family members are sometimes inexplicably tied to joy.  Confounding and true for me. 

When our darling daughter (DD) asked me a couple of years ago if I’d ever consider writing about my mom, her grandmother’s tortured life, the prospect of doing so overwhelmed me.  I realized DD asked because she was trying to make meaning in her own life as she considered the bits of info she’d gathered about generational challenges, but without the backdrop (or as Nordberg said, a ‘framework’) to understand our family history.  DD’s interest became the motivation I needed; I felt compelled to try.

Wynne and I had the joyous opportunity recently to visit with our friend and talented storyteller, Stuart M. Perkins from the Storyshucker blog.  (Our podcast with him drops tomorrow morning! Be sure to watch for Wynne’s post on Friday with more details.) Stuart shares many insights and notes of encouragement for writers – especially those interested in telling stories about our families.

Listening to Stuart was such a treat! My heart overflowed with gratitude, especially when he shared “…everyone has a story to tell” and writing about family is about “peeling back the layers” with the reminder that joyfulness CAN ride along with vulnerability.

Capturing family stories is one way of creating a legacy and I’m grateful to all of the storytellers in my life who provide encouragement and examples of ‘write what you know’.  Over the past year I’ve become more courageous as I better understand the importance of honoring those who came before.  Lovingly, honestly.  Telling stories.

Vicki 💗

P.S. Picasso KNEW things. Check out my post on my personal blog, Victoria Ponders to find out why simple wisdom might be the antidote to creative slumps…of all sorts. Pop back here…or comment there. I’m interested in learning what works for you!

58 thoughts on “Family Stories: Courage & Creativity”

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  2. Such wonderful points about how our minds work, relating and remembering. What will stay with me now forever is your statement,
    “there’s no better way to honor a loved one than to remember.” So simple, so true, yet, still sometimes so hard. Thank you for an extra reason now to remember.

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    1. Oh my goodness. Thank you, Michael. I love that you connected with that thought. It’s been my mantra to help guide me through writing about the challenging bits…and here you are this morning, providing more encouragement. Thank you, my friend! 🥰

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    1. I shouldn’t say too much…but you will LOVE listening to him, VJ. Wynne and I felt lighter, brighter, wiser…all because of dear Stuart. Thanks for your enthusiasm! xo! 🥰🥰🥰

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  4. Thank you, Vicki. I think the encouragement to your readers to discover and pass on stories is important and most worthwhile. Listening to stories as a therapist played a central role in my working life. But more, my dad was a wonderful storyteller and passed some of his talent on to me.

    When my father was 75, I did a video life history with him — four hours worth. It captured his face, voice, his laughter, and even a few tears as he recalled his return from WWII Europe and the first time he heard my (then future) mother’s voice on the phone. His voice cracked as he described an event then 40 years old.

    The video includes not only his own past with my mom but, to a lesser extent, his parents and brothers in a different time and place — a vanished way of living.

    Some people put off the idea of recording the life recollections of relatives to a future time. For some of them, death snatches away the opportunity. I urge everyone to make such recordings as soon as possible. Those four hours I spent with him, now on DVDs, are among the most precious things I own.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing, Dr. Stein. What a beautiful family keepsake and I can imagine the storytelling talents passed to you…generational gifts. I’m glad you’ve preserved the recordings on DVDs. What a legacy…and one that would be so easily lost if not captured, as you described. Thank you for the encouragement to others to do the same…and with urgency. I’m getting misty here at my desk thinking about your father’s voice, recalling meaningful, impactful moments of his life in the retelling. Oh my. Thank you seems insufficient but thank you just the same. 💗💗💗

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  6. Family stories can be uplifting, or even clarifying, especially when you’re an adult looking back on what happened along the way. My mother left me a handwritten notebook of stories from her youth. All quite sweet and putting a positive spin on her relatives. She was from an era when you did not speak ill of your family.

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    1. Wow…what a keepsake, Ally. My friend Linda recently found a box of letters that her mother wrote to herself. Not quite a journal but more of an account of challenges she experienced and how she worked through them. I love that your mom wrote for you, giving you context about family members. And yes…I think that’s why Linda’s mother wrote her feelings out…vs. expressing them. A different time, as you said. xo! 💗

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  7. You are so courageous, Vicki, and I love the beautiful (and sometimes messy) stories about your mother, father, and Lisa. You’re an incredible storyteller, so keep exercising that muscle. 💗

    “They create a sense of continuity and resilience.” Wow, this really struck a chord with me! I’ve always been enthralled by family history–those who fought in the American Revolution, an early aviator who tested aircraft in his Chicago suburb, a grandmother who was the youngest passenger to travel on the Graf Zeppelin, a grandfather who frequently skipped kindergarten to play with raccoons under the porch, a great-aunt who worked as a physician in Saudi Arabia in the 50s, etc. Even the most trivial stories feel like an important connection to the past and the future, and serve as a source of pride and of hope… especially when we, ourselves, feel lost of hopeless. Maybe that’s what young people nowadays really need–more family stories.

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    1. Thank you so much, Erin. Generationally, you might be close to “DD”…and what you said matches what I’ve heard from her…younger people seeking family stories. The details, please! 😉 I don’t know if it’s because of social media and how we’ve swung toward digesting mostly sound bites and surface-level bursts…communication that became normal with the advent of FB, IG…on and on…but there seems to be a yearning for depth and history – just as you mentioned.
      I appreciate you so much for your love of history and for YOUR heartfelt storytelling – whether about your family (oh my – your grandfather) or your own health journey. Stories ARE everything. Hugs and love to you my friend – loads of hugs and love! 🥰🥰🥰

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      1. I think we crave the family stories and the depth of experience and emotion (humans have been sharing for millennia), but I think everyone has become too busy and too distracted. Additionally, I see a lot more estranged families and situations in which someone who *could* tell stories isn’t present. YES, stories ARE everything!! It makes me happy to hear that DD is also a lover of family history… we need young people who can preserve, make sense of, and pass on stories. I really suspect it’s far more important than people realize. Love, love, love this post, Vicki!! Thank you!! 🥰🥰🥰

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      2. Well now…I’m so filled up with love I’m about to burst. 💓Thank you, Erin. I feel the same…so many estranged families, as you said…and missed opportunities everywhere…opportunities to connect some dots…in meaningful ways. I love what Dr. Stein said above, and Ally’s sharing about family history…cherishing, preserving. It’s a lot of what Wynne also did as she interviewed her dear dad…not knowing he would pass away so unexpectedly. And yes…far more important than we realize, the need to capture, preserve and HONOR. Oh my goodness. So much honoring that needs to occur for those who came before. Will you laugh at me if I send a couple more hugs? Here they come! 🥰🥰🥰

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  8. My mom left journals of her struggles. She was with a therapist for decades and would come home from her appointment and journal. I felt like I wasn’t supposed to read them. They were to private.

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    1. Oh…thanks for sharing that, Elizabeth. The processing after sessions is so important but trying to preserve privacy is tricky unless we’re using password protected systems. I miss the days of being able to journal freely….but I love that you have your mom’s journals. Her handwriting must mean a lot to have that near.💓

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      2. Wow…I feel a story in there😉…she must’ve been devoted to him…but gosh, that’s a new hazard…a literal inability to hear after years of service to others! I bet your mom found some humor in that, didn’t she? She sounds like an amazing woman. 🥰

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  9. Love your “bravery boost” you got from that quote – and that you share that with us! And Anna’s statement about telling those stories to “create a sense of continuity and resilience” – wow, that’s touching and insightful. So grateful you did the hard work to tell your family story, of course for DD, but also for all of us. Beautiful!!

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    1. Thank you, Wynne. You know me — I’ll pick up a ‘bravery boost’ wherever I can find one, especially if it helps navigate pesky stuff. The more, the better! xo! 💕 And who can argue with ‘continuity and resilience’? 😉

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  10. There is so much I love about this Vicki. I thrived on family stories told again and again. I learned that we, the listener, are not separate from those stories. It can be quite complex to understand our relationship with the past and the double helix that holds our swirling mix of DNA.

    A dear friend started a business to help people write their own legacy story. In our latest conversation, she talked about being part of her family taproot. The concept resonated with me. We start as a part of something larger but at some point our lives become the taproot for generations to come.

    This thinking changes the idea of ‘source’ and ‘origins’ for me. Now I find myself pondering how those stories acted as my own nourishment helping to create who I was destined to be.

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    1. Oh my…what a beautiful image, the ‘taproot’. I love that, Maggie and what a wonderful business for your friend to be in. I also appreciate the imagery of DNA and the double helix – conveying the dynamic, complex nature of who we all are…who we came from…generational, inherited traits, tendencies. Thank you for sharing that…it’s a framework that’s going to stick with me, along with the concepts of origins and nourishment…what we’ve taken/claimed in our own unique “becoming”. xo 💕

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  11. Whether it’s blogs or advertising or books, storytelling is a big word right now. I think it is for everything that you’ve mentioned. It gives us context into our lives. When so many people are struggling post pandemic and other various reasons, context allows us to understand our lives better. I know when I’ve struggled, I’ve gone back to those family stories that I hold dear. They helped me out of some dark holes. Can’t wait to to hear the podcast. Love this focus Vicki, really gives meaning to things that I know I don’t always think about. Appreciate it.

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    1. Thank you for that, Brian. You and I connected – originally – about family storytelling and you’re right — it seems to be popping up a lot — not just StoryCorps but so many other initiatives aimed at capturing first-person stories and goodness, tales of triumph over adversity. Good stuff…that can be messy…but I keep returning to the importance of it all. Big smiles to you! 😊😊😊

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  12. Exactly why, when my son asked much the same thing as your DD, I began the family blog. Blogging was always meant to be for my kids specifically and when he asked I knew it was time to set down the stories of our shared history. The words you share from Nordberg are so true and so very relatable. I look forward to the podcast tomorrow as well! Thanks Vicki 🙂

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    1. Thank you, Deb! I didn’t realize your blogging journey began with your son’s request as inspiration…that’s wonderful! I may have missed that in your ‘about’ info — sorry about that but thank you for sharing here. And yes…the Nordberg quote? I loved it, too.
      Stuart tomorrow? You’ll enjoy. He’s so much fun! 🥰

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      1. Nope Vicki, you didn’t miss anything. My original blog way back when was a diary of sorts for the kids- that morphed into Closer to the Edge. His request came a few years ago after my divorce so I started a private blog just for the kids and myself. Sorry for the confusion!

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  13. Continuity and resiliency. That’s quite the powerful statement right there.

    When my dad passed away at 86, I so wish I had sat down and documented his rich and our rich family history. So many stories that now only exist in dribs and drabs.

    Family memoirs and histories can be so therapeutic and healing and yes, ensures the family endures.

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    1. Thank you for that, Ab. I can imagine how much you wished you’d captured, especially from your father’s long life and all the stories he held. I agree about the healing aspects of remembering and celebrating what you can — even if the memories and stories are just glimpses. Cherish those! ❤️

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  15. I really enjoyed this post, Vicki. I’ve been working on my Mom’s story off and on for a few years now. It’s been challenging, as she was diagnosed with dementia several years ago and some days she’s still pretty sharp, while other days she can be quite confused. My sister warns me that it’s a fool’s errand as I can never be entirely sure what’s real and what’s imagined. But she has such interesting stories to tell about the Great Depression years!!! I’ve been journaling to my own kids since they were born. I really don’t know if they’ll even need my journals: I’ve always tried to be an open book to them, but at least they’ll have the option 🙂

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    1. Thank you, Patti! I love that you’ve continued to journal and the idea of being ‘an open book’ for your children is so loving and giving. No matter how the stories get out in the open, I think most are worth telling, but as you said, it can be a challenge as circumstances change – much like your mom’s health situation. I’m so sorry for that…but I remember when my mom battled dementia and Alzheimer’s…it was hard some days to discern what was real and what was a mixed-up memory, a remnant in her mind roaming around. Sending hugs and encouragement to keep journaling! 🥰

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  16. Family storytelling strikes me as a challenging effort at cooperation that applies to those situations where living members agree there’s a story to be told. But when my elderly mother passes on, I would rather do this alone to tell some stories about her personal object mementos that v will make a nice way to remember her life.

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  17. Thank you for this reflection. 💓 Story telling is a fond memory growing up. I had an aunt who just loved going down memory lane, never giving away too much away… It was fun visiting her, as she would continue with part 2 😃 with the next visit.

    Once I became an adult, she would always ask me at family gatherings, ” If I heard,” and I knew she’d have something juicy to share.

    Two weeks before her passing, I sat with her for hours…. I miss her unique stories, facial expressions, and hand gestures…

    Story telling and memories are so important.

    Thank you for highlighting this.

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    1. Thank you SO much for stopping by to share. It’s nice to “meet” you. 😉 What a lovely story about your aunt…she sounds like an expert ‘yarn spinner’…able to keep her audience on the edge of their seats! And…the fact that you spent time with her toward the end of her life – listening and soaking up all that she could share. Precious. Grateful to you for your comment. Big hugs! 🥰

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