Is it the Big or the Small for You?

Posted on by Endless Weekend

There are many industries, many occasions in our lives where size does matter. And while it’s probably too late to stop the smirking, examples of that can be the size of a brownie that you’d choose  or the size of an asteroid in all those disaster movies that’s threatening life on Earth.

What are we referring to here? To the moments of happiness that we may get the most enjoyment out. Yes, some countries that are ranked at the top of the World Happiness Report rather consistently: Finland has been ranked as the number one happiest country for 6 years now!

We’re not looking at countries here, we’re looking at individuals, and amongst individual at happy moments. There are those BIGGER occasions, those big milestones in our lives, like our wedding day, graduation day, the day a child was born, a day when you may have received a big promotion. Those tend to be occasions that when asked, people refer to as the happiest day in their lives. There are entire industries around them, like the wedding industries.

There are also those SMALLER occasions, those wonderfully sweet moments that add up in everyday life, like a loving gesture from a spouse, a flattering compliment from an instructor, a charming action from a child, a pat on the back from a colleague. Those “smaller” moments may not be as memorable, but may make one feel 2” taller and 20lbs lighter.

And so the question to you is which moments, overall, do you think bring more joy to your life: the Big Moments that we look forward to and reminisce about? Or the sum of the micro-moments of joy in everyday life? What do you say?

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42 thoughts on “Is it the Big or the Small for You?”

  1. I love the question, and I’m definitely going with “the sum of the micro-moments of joy.” I’m somebody who finds such wonder in tiny things; my phone is full of pictures that capture tiny wondrous things OR somehow represent, for me, a tiny, wondrous moment of connection with another person that couldn’t itself be captured in photo. Most bigness I personally see/feel is in the accumulation of these; with any given person, the accumulation of what Brené Brown would call “marble jar” moments.

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    1. You and me both! I sometimes wonder if our great expectations of the marvel that’s supposed to be encapsulated in one big moment backfires?

      I love your use of “bigness”! Tell me more about the marble jar, please?

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      1. ❤

        The "marble jar" is an analogy Brown uses to describe how trust develops between people. It's from something that one of her daughter's teachers did: Every time the class did something great, a marble was added. If something not-so-great was done, a marble was removed. One day, something so shaming happened, the teacher removed fully half the marbles. This was the moment in which the "marble jar" analogy was birthed.

        The idea is it's not in these big moments that you know who's really there for you, but an accumulation of tiny moments of showing up. Marble by marble by marble, a given person fills their jar with marbles shaped like tiny, precious, trustworthy acts.

        This analogy helped me SO MUCH the last few days, when I got crystal clarity who my "marble jar" people are. Maybe there'll be other marble jar people, as the days wear on; today, though, it feels beautiful to have this analogy and use it to help me see with such, such clarity, the beauty in the accumulation of these tiny, precious moments.

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      2. What an absolutely fantastic analogy and what a magnificent teacher your daughter has! I love how the micro-moments are the ones that tend to fill our jar. How often does a macro-moment really happen? And even when it does, and it takes away (or puts in the jar) half-jar-worth-of-marbles, it’s still not the main filler of marbles. How true! If we only built trust with someone who saved our lives (macro moment), how likely would be to trust folks, vs. the dozens or hundreds or even thousands of macro-moments. The “tiny, precious moments”…

        That is such a great way of thinking about it! May I ask what brought about the clarity of who your marble jar folks are?

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    1. I’m with you and Deborah! Initially, I had an additional two paragraphs in this post, detailing where I was leaning. The paragraph about the “big stuff” got chopped down to the sentence “There are entire industries around them, like the wedding industries.” The second paragraph about how I perceive the “micro-moments” was eliminated 🙂 I thought it may potentially bias responses if the post was leaning in the micro-moments direction, but maybe my bias leaked through, anyway? 🙂

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  3. I personally prefer the micro-moments of joy. While it’s fun to look forward to the few and far between Big Moments, there is so much joy to be found in even the most mundane of days. It feels like a perpetual treasure hunt. Additionally, I think the small moments more personal and unique than the big things that we are supposed to be excited about.

    I might even go as far as to argue that the Big Moments are comprised of micro-moments. When I hear people reminisce about their wedding or a child’s birth, they’re not painting the entire event, but instead highlighting the look on their husband’s face or the rush of joy holding their newborn for the first time. In the hustle bustle of those big days, the day’s memory of made up of anchors to a series of micro-moments of joy.

    Great topic, and wonderfully thought-provoking questions, E.W.!

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    1. Whoa @ “Big Moments are comprised of micro-moments”! I never once considered this before reading your comment, but it resonated so hard with me, I got goosebumps. Feels spot-on, to me, in this moment. Thanks for this awesome opportunity to re-perspective!

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      1. Indeed! (And what great imagery on the goosebumps! 🙂 ) I find it fascinating that macro moments are likely to be comprised of the positive micro-moments (marbles) and also of negative micro-moments (removal of marbles). Think about a wedding day without at least one self-centered participant, or maybe a missing participant that might be a marble-removal moment? Or the planning leading up to it that may be exhausting at times?

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    2. What a terrific observation: yes! Macro-moments of joy are really a composition of a few micro moments. And the macro-moments require so much work in advance that includes many micro-moments of “not joy” that may be forgotten, and the few images of joy remain…

      I also like the analogy of the perpetual treasure hunt. Imagine if life had only one or two great hunts (yes, I know Odysseus went on a mighty long one 😀 And it was filled with many macro-moments of horror and misery, and yes, glory). Is it like a barren landscape with two oases vs. a lush woodland with micro-treasure hunts?

      Thank you for bringing the wonderfully visual imagery and penetrating observations!

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  4. One defining characteristic of some of our happiness has to do with planning and hoping. In the big occasions you list, all of them involve that kind of anticipation and work.

    Those events can be wonderful, but there are relatively fewer of them than the happiness attached to smaller things, many of them random, and others involving social contact. I can’t imagine a satisfying life without some of both.

    The big events more often come early when ambition drives us harder and the mating urge is stronger. Regardless, as the ancient phrase advises us, we do well to love our fate or “Amor fati.” Thanks for the provocative question, Endless Weekend!

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    1. Thank you for a wonderfully thoughtful observation! Yes, it’s about balance of small and large, of anticipation and fulfillment. And, yes, of randomness. Maybe you’re saying that we need to embrace more the joy of random occurrences and worry less about a big masterplan that may not exist?

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    1. Whoa! That’s a wonderfully perceptive observation. Yes! Many of the big moments in life are contrived and have entire industries to support the hype around them vs. the original intent behind them? (Think where weddings originated vs where they are today?)

      And, yes, the smaller moments definitely seem to be more organic, more natural! What a terrifically shrewd insight! Thank you!

      And double thanks for first noticing my (very unplanned) absence: I’m honored that you’ve noticed. And, yes, it’s been more than a month of an unintended absence…

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  6. I’m totally with Ally Bean on this EW- there is a planned quality to big moments and often the happiness one expects to experience in those big moments can fall short. I would much rather have something small and unexpected bring a smile to my face or a feeling of gladness to my heart.

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    1. I’m with you and Ally here, for sure! Is it more touching to receive a(n obligatory?… For those who follow the “contrived” events) flower bouquet on Valentine’s Day or be surprised by a breakfast in bed? 🙂

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  8. It looks like it’s unanimous. I too like the small moments that bring joy. Like an unexpected call from my kids or a friend. Watching wildlife walk through our yard or a sunrise. I love it when my husband smiles at me and asks for a hug.

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    1. I’ll admit to smiling as I read the last sentence. Smiling IRL! Thank you 🙂

      Perhaps it’s all the planning around the big events that make them come with an onerous weight rather than the pure wonder of a “small moment”?

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  9. I’m with the majority – it’s the small moments. And maybe it’s the small moments that even come with the big events – like the wink my dad gave me when we performed my wedding. Perhaps the quality of the big events depend on whether we can be present for the small moments that make them up. Sometimes, we don’t do that well when the moments are big. What do you think, EW?

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    1. I love that. I wonder how much of our lives we are so focused on the Big Events or the destinations that we miss out on the Small (or main) events, the journey? What a deep and insightful observation, Wynne. Thank you so much for sharing!

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  10. Great question! I do think it’s a bit of both – being content and finding joy in the small daily moments while also opening up opportunities for ourselves to seek out and to enjoy the big awe-inspiring moments. I think leaving ourselves open to both truly makes like joyful.

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  11. Here’s a marble moment for you to enjoy—I tease with my friends that I have lost my marbles. Recently, they handed me a large white box. Inside there was a bunch of tissue paper and one marble rolling around in it. They wanted to be sure that I would have at least one marble that I could still claim as my own—and it was to remain stored in the big white box so that I would always be able to find it when I needed it. They advised that I tell them where I stored it—just in case I needed help finding it. It was one of the most memorable and thoughtful gifts that I have ever received. LOL

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  12. I kinda want to say the big moments just to buck the trend…

    …but I can’t. It’s totally the small moments for me, because they’re what constitute real life. Big events, like vacations and marriage and fancy meals, are great – but they’re fleeting. If you can find joy in the minutiae, then you’ve discovered the secret to lasting happiness and fulfillment.

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  15. I love the “too late to stop the smirking” comment and the 2″ taller and 20 pounds lighter. Haha! My favorite memories are when I do something unique/crazy, like crowd surfing at a rock concert at age 40. That will forever be one of my favorite and happiest moments.

    I had to come looking for you, EW. I’ve missed you in the blogosphere!

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