Department of Low Energy

Posted on by Wynne Leon

The other night after dinner, my four-year-old son, Mr D, wanted to set up a lemonade stand. It was on a weeknight after a full day for both my kids and for me and as I sat there listening to his request, I felt the solidness of the seat underneath me. I also had a full 180 degree view of the mess of the kitchen around me just in case I needed a reminder of all I had left to do before the day was done.

A lemonade stand is the type of thing I’d usually do without thinking about it. But I’ve noticed that my energy level has taken in a hit in the last six weeks of a new job, a puppy, and going back to school. All of a sudden getting out the table, chairs, cups, napkins, cash register (toy, of course) and making lemonade seems like a big endeavor. Not to mention reversing it to get the cash register, napkins, cups, chairs, and table all packed back up, and then doing the dishes.

So I started chewing on what this drop in energy is teaching me.

First, that I’ve been lucky that my default has been that I have a lot of energy. There are nights after a hard hike or swimming in a pool with my kids that I’ll feel like I need to take it easy, but for the most part I’ve had enough energy in the tank. And I’ve never recognized how much of a gift that is. Hence I’ve never really been grateful for it before now.

Which is a perfect segue to my second light bulb moment – that there’s no end to the empathy I will learn in this life. My friends with chronic illness or depression have described having low energy, and I’ve nodded my head. But it’s in the last few weeks that I’ve really understood the types of trade-offs and work-arounds that they are describing. For every situation that I don’t quite understand, I have this a-ha that as empathetic as I can try to be, I still won’t ever quite get it, unless or until I live it.

Finally, I’ve always thought of myself as a congenital optimist. Descriptions that my parents provided sold me the idea that I entered the world with a default setting to believe that it’ll all work out. And that might still be true – but I’ve realized that my optimism is fueled by energy. Even when I experience low energy and the dip in outlook that comes with it, I know that I can go to sleep and wake up believing that it’ll be okay. When the dip happens for a longer period of time, I start to feel the overlay of gray that affects my rosy outlook. Even when I know it’s there, it’s hard to go full optimist when I’m at low energy.

“Your ability to understand and empathize with others depends mightily on having a steady diet of positivity resonance, as do your potentials for wisdom, spirituality, and health.”

Barbara Frederickson

Even with low energy, I was enough of an optimist to believe that Mr. D would help put everything away. And when the time came to pack it up, I hung back instead of charging in to do it myself. And it worked! Work smarter, not harder, right? I bet whoever coined that phrase might have been inspired by a period of low energy.

For a related post about patterns, a sugar fix, and energy, please see Sweet Tooth on my personal blog.

(featured photo from Pexels)

35 thoughts on “Department of Low Energy”

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  2. Thanks for raising the question about optimism, Wynne. I sometimes wonder if a segment of the blogging world attempts to proselytize another segment of the blogging world to become more optimistic. And then there is the segment of the blogging world that reads the work of those in the first group and wonders why they aren’t more optimistic themselves. Not to mention those who are trying to persuade themselves how wonderful everything is because they want to fit in, especially in the USA, a place known for its “can do” attitude. At some point, I might write about this, though I’d love to know your own thoughts.

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    1. How interesting, Dr. Stein. Do you think optimism/pessimism is a changeable attribute? Obviously by my essay I think my optimism is influenced by more factors that I realized before. But I’d be hard pressed to think we can change it directly. Sure – through gratitude practice or other faith practices, healing our wounds, and maybe by changing our health and energy – those might work indirectly. But is it possible to think our way there?

      Your point about the blogging world is fascinating as well. I’d love to see you write about this. I definitely think toxic positivity abounds in this world – online and in real life. And I can see how American culture could play a part as you note above.

      I’d hope that whatever our differences, that empathy and authenticity win the day. And yeah, I realize that is an optimistic view of things… 🙂

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      1. Oh my Wynne, Dr. Stein has gotten into my head with all this- concepts that are resonating and firmly pronounced in my ongoing curiosity and need to question. I appreciate his honesty with this comment. It is something that I am finding having influence in decisions I am making lately. There is a decided struggle with autonomy, balance and truth as well as how to approach those while being fundamentally true to oneself…

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      2. I love that you encouraged Dr. Stein to write about it – but just from your description, I bet you have something really rich and deep to say on the topic too. Perhaps you should be taking it as a prompt as well? Thanks for the great comment here!! ❤ ❤ ❤

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    3. I debated whether or not to comment on how eerily timed this comment feels to me, given my specific early-morning reflections today. I’ll speak briefly, and with thanks.

      I lived “masked” for most my life. I saw with heightened clarity this morning how substantially that was about hiding my absolute love of people despite my many hard encounters with our darker sides; actually showing love of people seemed like the quickest, surest way to invite “hey-dunce!” scorn. So unmasking, for me, has involved learning to be okay being overtly my people-loving self, no matter what I get back, neither trying to hide that nor trying to proselytize people-loving to anyone. Just being me. (While I struggled with the mask, I fear I have wandered into proselytizing on a repeat basis. Sigh. Better from here, with much interest in your any/every later thought on such things.)

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      1. I see that Dr. Stein replied below. I’m struck by your observation that people-loving can invite scorn. Wow, do I relate to that. I think there is some part of the population that thinks criticizing others makes them seem discerning and therefore sophisticated. Except that it really just is a grown-up way of being mean. Nope, we aren’t required to accept unkindness!!

        ❤ ❤ ❤

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  3. Thanks, Wynne. I am inclined to believe there is an inborn tendency to the way we meet life from the beginning — something in our nature. Such a tendency is then coupled with the experiences of a person’s life that might influence whether he has “become” more optimistic or pessimistic about his own future because of events as life unfolds. I imagine that the way he approaches life also tilts the scale somewhat in terms of whether the has good or bad outcomes. Such outcomes might interact with his inborn nature and reset what is natural for him. I’d have to research this more fully to determine what the research says.

    To answer your question more simply, yes, I think it is “somewhat” changeable. As to authenticity, you might want to read Charles Taylor’s “The Ethics of Authenticity.” In his view, authenticity is more complicated than it is usually presented these days.

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  4. This resonates on so many levels, Wynne–not only the trade-offs that come with low energy, but also depending on help from others. It’s hard, especially during those period of extended low energy. Yet, at least in my experience, your values and priorities become clearer. Bolstering a child’s joy and spiritedness is more important than the dishes, and a phone call with a loved one is more meaningful than another workout session. As a go-go-go type person (which you and I both are), it’s especially hard to make those trade-offs, yet there is even more freedom in doing so than for someone who is naturally more lackadaisical.

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    1. I love what you say about the trade-offs, Erin. I so agree that it’s hard to make them, to ask for help but that they help to hone the priorities. Yes! Thanks for sharing your experience on this with all of us!

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  5. Oh….it’s the ‘hanging back’ where growth sits…holding on to that positive vibe that disappointment won’t occur. Love the Barbara F. quote. “Positivity resonance”. I think you brought up some of that this morning! 💕

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  6. You are an amazing mom for letting Mr D have his stand despite how tired you were. What a superhero and he will always remember these moments.

    And yes, it is so so important to listen to our body and pay attention to when we have dips in energy and what these moments are trying to tell us.

    Hope the rest of your week only goes up from this!

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  9. I have a couple of thoughts, Deborah. First, that you sound like a lovely person. Second, that if your choices lean toward those who appreciate you, it should be more rewarding to set masks aside most of the time. We are not required to accept unkindness as our lot in life.

    Finally, it may yet be possible to express yourself with some increased freedom if you are able to set aside the importance of the other’s reaction. That’s a tough one for all of us, but it is possible within limits. Brava for the courage it took to write what you did.

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  10. I think we all experience periods of low energy from time to time. I’m a morning person, but I find the dark mornings very difficult in the winter time. I bought a light therapy lamp a couple of years ago which seems to help with my energy levels in the winter months. I think it’s time to get it out.

    You have a lot on the go, so your low energy could be a sign that you need a rest or a little help. Good for Mr. D. helping to clean up the lemonade stand.

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    1. I love hearing how you’ve solved it for you, Michelle! I’m thinking this is mostly because of all the changes but if it persists, I’ll start trying ideas. And a light therapy lamp sounds like a good place to start. Thank you!

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  12. I’ve always been envious of those who have endless amounts of energy and can still turn off their minds at the end of the day.

    I remember going to the many extracurricular events of our son when I felt like my energy tank was on empty. Yet, seeing his unbridled joy had a way of refueling me. I’ll bet your daughter appreciated it. Great takeaway about trusting Mr. D would come through like a champ. I know kids—they want us there, but they also take great pride in doing things by themselves. It’s a balancing act, but the parents who do everything for their kids are really not doing them any favors in the long run.

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  14. I can’t believe that you pulled off the lemonade stand in spite of low-slung energy and a kitchen full of dirty dishes. What a mom! I’d have said, “Not tonight dear” for sure! That could be a function of either low energy or laziness, or check both of the above. There are days when my energy is so low that I have to decide between a shower or washed hair, or check none of the above. But I’ve learned at my age that it’s best to just lean into it, accept it, and enjoy a moment of do-nothingness. Tomorrow (or maybe the next day) will be better. I’m learning to call that wisdom! 😅

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