Sink or swim moments

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

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Sweat dripped down my back. I told myself that it was from the many trips my parents and I had walked up and down the stairs in the summer sun, lugging my bags from the car to my college dorm room. I knew better though. I was nervous about leaving home to start college. Before turning a corner, I looked back one last time to see my parents pulling away and the two of them waving goodbye.

It was for real now. There was no turning back. I was on my own. Oh, I knew they loved me and if I flunked out, they would come get me, but I couldn’t imagine finding anything in my small town that would make me happy.

Yes, sink or swim, it was up to me.

Where does courage come from

I don’t think of myself as being very courageous. I’m much more likely to run from trouble than fight my way out. However, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about some of the moments in my life when I’ve been frightened and needed courage to overcome a challenge or situation.

When I think of courageous acts, I tend to think of physical acts of bravery — passersby rushing to help pull an accident victim from his or her burning car or military personnel going into harms way to protect others and defend the country — and I have none of those acts in my past, but I was able to think of a few “moments of no turning back.”

Will you spend the rest of your life with me?

The moment that jumped out immediately was proposing to my wife. We had been dating for about a year when I proposed. Oh, I expected a positive outcome, I didn’t think she’d kick me out of her apartment or laugh in my face at a proposal, but, at the same time, I hated not knowing exactly how things would go.

I feared the worst: She could tell me she wasn’t ready. She could say she didn’t have the same dreams. In the end, the night went nothing like I had planned, but was better than my wildest dreams.

You’ll marry me! Really?

Explain it to me again

I thought too of when I worked as a newspaper reporter and the times that I put people on the spot with tough questions. For example, I remembered the time, U.S. Senator Arlen Specter made a stop at my newspaper and I grilled him about positive comments he had made about a local candidate, running for state office. I questioned whether he had put a lot of thought into the endorsement since the candidate was under scrutiny by the district attorney for some recent missteps.

I had just seen the movie Philadelphia with Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington. Throughout the movie, Washington’s character spars with others, asking them to “explain it to me like I’m an eight-year-old.” Of course, I stole the line and asked Specter to explain his endorsement.

My question reeked of sarcasm. He paused for a long time. I thought he was going to kick me out of the office, until I remembered that we were in my office, the newspaper’s large conference room. I thought he still might kick me out. My heart raced as he waved for one of his aides. Finally, he told the aide to get me a position paper that his team had written on the topic.

“Um, okay, that works too.”

Did I really say that?

Another time I was in a meeting with a company vice president and several peers talking about end-of-the-year raises and I had to defend one of my team members. When my team member’s name came up, the VP pooh-poohed the suggestion. I debated my options, I could just keep quiet, but that didn’t feel right to me.

The discussion had already moved onto another employee’s rating, when I spoke up and asked if we were being fair to my team member. I asked the VP if he liked a certain program that I knew he was a big proponent. When he said he did, I told him he should be thanking the team member, since they had fought to get the program off the ground. For good measure, I asked what our purpose was. If we weren’t going to reward hard work and achievement, then why were we even meeting?

I suspected that I had stuck my mouth where it wasn’t wanted. I imagined the senior executive pointing a crooked Ebenezer Scrooge-like finger at me, crying out “Bah! Humbug!” and calling for security to escort my personal belongings and me off the premises. When the vice president finally spoke, though, he agreed with my recommendation to give the team member a raise.

Whew, what was I thinking?

Image by Adil by Pexels.

Getting in the ring!

Finally, I remember one of my strangest moments of courage when I was a senior in high school. My dad was not himself. He suffered a massive heart attack several years earlier that changed his life and the bills were coming faster than he and my mom could keep up.

I came home from wherever I had been and found my parents arguing. I wasn’t sure what they were arguing about, but it was getting heated. My dad had a temper, and while he generally was not physical, he could still intimidate you. I suspected the fight was over something my brothers or I had done.

When my parents argued, I usually steered clear of them. This time though I was having a difficult time keeping out of it. My dad looked like he might go off at any moment. I walked into the kitchen and stood between my mom and dad and told him that he needed to calm down. If he wanted to fight, if he wanted to take a swing, he would have to go outside and fight me because I wasn’t letting him touch mom.

My dad seeing that I was now taller, more muscular, and meant business, immediately stood down. I’ll never forget the look on his face. He had a look of embarrassment, but the biggest thing I saw was shock and recognition that I was now an adult.

My dad directed some angry comments toward me about my lack of respect and appreciation, that sounded more like his medicine talking than him, but he knew I wouldn’t be physically intimated and would stand up for what I thought was right.

(To be clear, my dad loved my mom and she loved him. I don’t think he meant her harm or would’ve put a hand on her, but I’m still glad I was there to make sure he didn’t. I’ve learned over the years that he was facing enormous stress and didn’t have the mental health tools needed to deal with his anger in a healthy way. It doesn’t excuse his actions, but thankfully, I understand them better.)

Courage in the moment

The more I think about courage, the more I’m convinced it’s not as rare as we think, we all have it in us. We’re put into challenging situations and we rise up to help our loved ones and those around us.

What’s courage mean to you? What moments of courage stick out in your life?

. . . . . .

Please join in on the discussion on the HoTM site. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com to read my companion piece. You can follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

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42 thoughts on “Sink or swim moments”

  1. Pingback: Run, hide or fight – Writing from the Heart with Brian

  2. I remember speaking up at an office meeting about the unfair pay scale for those of us doing most of the work. My coworkers thought I would surely be fired, but we all got a raise and retroactive pay. I did earn the label “intimidating’, though. You’re right. That did take courage.

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  3. Courage…bravery…composure. Such powerful examples from your beautiful life, Brian. Thanks for sharing with us. I can imagine the scene as you stood between your parents and that moment with your father…seeing you anew. I can relate to that. Courage and risk-taking. Those moments that terrify us but we know we’re where we’re supposed to be. (And unrelated, thank you for the reminder about that fab line from “Philadelphia”….I love that. Break it down for me like an eight year old. Yes!) 😉

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    1. I went back and forth on this piece. I think I can relate a little to what you felt writing Surviving Sue. I kept taking the argument with my father out, I didn’t want to disrespect his memory, but at the same time, it’s a huge memory for me. Hopefully, the love, care, honesty comes through. Thank you. And yes, loved that line from Philadelphia. I used that for years after the release of the movie. Ha, ha.

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    1. I hope so Todd. I walked a fine line with this one. Felt like I still could edit the heck out of it. I debated telling the story with my dad. I debated the others too, because it’s the kind of things we all face. I hope they come across in an honest, modest way. Thanks for reading!!!!

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    1. That’s the lesson I come away with from it: We’re all more courageous than we think. We can find moments where we’re kind or generous or trustworthy or even patient (okay, maybe not patient) … but if you ask most folks if they’re courageous, I suspect many would say no. I hope my post brought that out. Goodness knows I don’t think I’m all that different from others!!!!

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  9. That story about your dad and mom’s fight and you stepping in felt very visceral. Good for you for stepping in. It is during these moments when personal stakes and loved ones (and future spouses!) are involved that we are our courage and voice.

    I had to chuckle at the “Explain it to me like an 8 year old?” Line that you cribbed from the movie. I’m gonna use that in the near future too!

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  10. I love your courageous moments. One of my moments of courage was when I’d reached a time in my life when I finally found something I was passionate about (working on the water) and could have gone one of two ways. One possibility was working for a small private high school on their schooner, which I’d probably have loved but paid squat. The other choice put me back into an undergrad program (I already had a liberal arts bachelor’s degree) for three years, having to wear military uniforms and deal with all of the military structure of the place (ugh), putting me in debt, but positioning me for a job on the ocean that actually paid well, had benefits, and could set me up to do coastal work later on (my ultimate goal). I agonized over the decision for about a month or so before finally deciding to go back to college. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve never regretted my choice.

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  12. Great examples of courage, Brian. People often think of courage as looking death in the face (military, police officers, and firefighters come to mind), but I think it involves summoning the strength to do something we never thought we could do. I can’t help but think of a student’s father. He had two full-time jobs, coached his kid’s soccer team, and was going to school in the evening to change careers. Pretty courageous in my book.

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  13. As well as what you wrote, on reading the incident, I thought maybe your father was embarrassed to notice that you felt the need to intervene, his child to protect his wife from him… He maybe was embarrassed by the realisation that his behaviour was such as to alarm his child… as in “what kind of man, father, am I… have been?”

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    1. Yes, I’m sure there was some of that too. I know I would’ve felt that. In the heat of the moment, he was still very angry. I think I mentioned he was mad at me for disrespecting him and not trusting that he knew what was right. It was a very emotional moment, there was a lot going on. I knew I just wanted to make sure that my mom had someone looking out for her.

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  15. Great post! Good for you in all those acts of courage. You are so right a lot of us don’t think we we are courageous, but when the moment comes, we find our inner strength and we stand up for what we believe is right! Courage comes in all shapes and forms. The example that popped into my mind is when I was fresh out of highschool and working at Chick-Fil-A. The manager was gone for the day and put me in charge. I had been there awhile and he trusted me, and was giving me extra duties little by little. Well, we had one employee that was a troublemaker and unfortunately she was there that day. It was her turn to squeeze the lemons for our freshly squeezed lemonade. She refused to do it, basically ignoring me as she stayed at her register waiting on customers. I told her 3x. Then I told her either she squeezes the lemons or she goes home and I turned off her register with my key, directing the customers to the other cashier. She told me she would punch my face in if I didn’t turn her register back on. I stood my ground as she tried to stare me down, and she left in a huff. Once she was gone I let myself breathe! When the manager returned and the other co-workers told him what happened she was promptly fired. :

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    1. What a courageous story. That had to be an unnerving experience. At any point, you could’ve caved in to the bully worker. Good for you in standing your ground. And good for the manager in supporting you. Yes, I do think we’re all more courageous than we give ourselves credit. Case in point, your story. Thank you.

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  17. Love this “The more I think about courage, the more I’m convinced it’s not as rare as we think, we all have it in us. We’re put into challenging situations, and we rise up to help our loved ones and those around us.”

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