The Courage to Try

Posted on by Wynne Leon

I have a neighbor with whom I’ve bonded because she’s trying to get pregnant via in-vitro fertilization (IVF). As a cancer survivor, she and her husband haven’t been able to start a family without fertility intervention. She correctly guessed that as a single-mom, I must have had help to create my family. So she’s shared her ups and down.

Her journey has brought back a lot of memories of going through the fertility process. Spending time in the fertility clinic waiting room is a fascinating place. There are all sorts of stories and families in progress, although many I just was guessing at.

On the first day I visited the fertility clinic at age 45, I felt so exposed sitting in that waiting room. As silly as it sounds, my internal opposition to having kids on my own was that everyone would know that I was the one that wanted kids. Was it because I’d spent so many years as the lone woman in the room – in college as an electrical engineering student, on teams in my professional career, and on the mountain when I was climbing that made me want to have air-cover?

Whatever the reason, I felt shaky when I met Dr. Dudley the first time. He led me back to his office and walked me through the options and correlating chances of success. The first one he threw out there was the turkey-baster method. Chance of success was .5%. He kindly and directly said, “I’ve never seen it work in a woman of your age. But if you want to just check a box, it’s the least expensive option.”

Then he went through the other options. IVF with my eggs, 10%. IVF with young donor eggs, 60%.

He filled me up with information and sent me on my way to think about it. I was still shaky but much better informed.

Since I have a 8-year-old and 4-year-old, there’s not much suspense to my answer. But the way I found my courage was in the way Dr. Dudley presented the options.

Did I just want to check a box? He gave me a way out. He provided me a way to try without trying. I didn’t have to do it. It was knowing that I could in essence, pretend to do it, that gave me the freedom to understand that I really did want to have kids.

Sometimes people show us the way to courage by giving us a graceful way out. And sometimes applying a similar trick as we weigh pros and cons helps us to be absolutely certain of our choice to follow our heartfelt dreams.

I understand how emotional those heartfelt dreams are, and I touch it again every time I talk with my neighbor. The courage to try comes with uncertainty, vulnerability and hope. The only known answer is the outcome if we don’t try. And when we do try? Sometimes it actually works!

I’ve written a related piece on my personal blog about a full-circle moment with a nurse that helps with IVF: The Fruits of Our Labor. And I recently had the privilege to podcast with Vicki about my journey to parenthood: Episode 40: The Power of Choice. Thanks for reading and listening!

(featured photo from Pexels)

29 thoughts on “The Courage to Try”

  1. Pingback: The Fruits of Our Labor – Surprised By Joy

  2. That was a kind thing for Mr Dudley to do and it’s wonderful that you are able to share your story of trying with your neighbour now. I know that infertility is such a challenging and emotional journey and for some it’s not the ending they desire. I’m glad it worked out twice for you!

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  4. so well explained and a great approach by that doctor. my youngest daughter went through this process, with many hard bumps along the way, and she has 2 lovely children as a result of all she endured. she tried for a third but it was not to be, and finally came to the point, where she decided to be grateful for the children she had and stop trying for more.

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  6. The choices offered in the invitro process and the follow up procedure were enlightening. You were fortunate to have such a wonderful staff to help your dreams come to fruition. Thank you for sharing your story, Wynne. 🙂

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  7. You could write this piece in a million different ways. I’m not sure you could find a better way to inform readers about IVF, but also to talk about the emotional highs and lows. Very well done Wynne. I felt like I was right there. Yes, Dr. Dudley gave you a way out, but praise to you for having the courage to see it through. A beautiful story. Prayers and positive thoughts for your neighbor in her journey. Kind thoughts to you as well for sharing your experience!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  11. I hope your neighbor reads this lovely quote from you – “The courage to try comes with uncertainty, vulnerability and hope. The only known answer is the outcome if we don’t try. And when we do try? Sometimes it actually works!”

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