Being An Encourager

Posted on by Wynne Leon

My five-year-old son, Mr. D, was preparing for his orange belt test in Aikido this past weekend. We worked on it at home, just the three of us. I called out the techniques, his sister was the “uke” or person who receives the techniques, and Mr. D was the practitioner.

So when we arrived at the dojo for class, I knew that he was ready but that it gets trickier in front of an audience. As I sat on the sidelines trying to settle my own nerves, I mulled over what it takes to be an encourager.

Merriam Webster defines encourage as “to inspire with courage, spirit, and hope.” My dad was a first class encourager. It felt as if he could not only provide the spirit but also provide the energy for any given pursuit.

The trick seems to be in detaching from the outcome. That is to say, if I encourage you to climb a mountain, try out for a part, or write a novel, then do I feel responsible for you getting to the summit, landing the role, or getting published?

It’s taken me a long time to figure out that the goodness comes in the trying regardless of the result. I know my dear old dad would agree that the outcome is out of our control but that doesn’t dampen our ability to encourage others on their path.

During the last practice that Mr. D did before his test, he noticed that the knot on his sister’s belt needed to be tightened. In the middle of a technique, on his way to securing her hands, he stopped to give it an extra tug to tidy it up.  As I laughed at the sweetness of it, I realized we’d already won. Because we were encouraging each other.

And Mr. D did great on the orange belt test too.

Two kids in their Aikido gis and orange belts skipping down a sidewalk.

38 thoughts on “Being An Encourager”

  2. that’s it exactly, you’ve captured it. it’s not a out ‘winning’, it’s about trying your best. mr. d gets it. even while he’s working on getting himself ready for the big challenge, he also makes sure his sister is set and at her best. wonderful

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  4. It is a moment for encouragement among those who believe the United States stands for acts of kindness such as Mr. D. displayed. We must act in defense of the simple goodness show by your children, Wynne. Now.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. Great post, Wynne! There is such an emphasis on winning in our society that it’s crazy to me when people aren’t rewarded for their efforts. I don’t understand the negativity around participation trophies and all the grief that seems to come with that. I always think about this during the Olympics. It’s such an honor to make the team, regardless of the outcome. Even if athletes doesn’t make the team, people deserve kudos for trying. Of course, we can through life never taking risks, but what kind of way to live is that?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. Oh I think you’re so right Wynne, it’s not the wins or the losses, it’s the trying that’s important. Love this story. And I couldn’t help but feel your pain: “As I sat on the sidelines trying to settle my own nerves, I mulled over what it takes to be an encourager.” I’ve been there— it’s frustrating having to watch and not be able to pitch in. Ha ha, but I guess that’s part of the game too! 😎😎😎😎

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  13. Pingback: Envisioning The Future Without the Filter of the Past – Surprised By Joy

  15. Congrats to Mr D, Wynne! You must be so proud and I bet he is of himself as well.

    As I get older, I see in both my personal and professional life that the best thing we can do is to be that encourager and that coach and empower others to achieve their success. You do that so well with both your kids! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I love this comment, Ab. Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more that being an encourager and coach is the best thing we can do. I’m so grateful for your example and influence.

      And you’re right – Mr. D is proud of himself. He’s loved going to classes this week and being with the orange belt kids!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a comment