On an early morning this week, my kids and are were at the window looking at a cool sunrise when the cat jumped up and joined us so we were all together. Thinking about family, Miss O asked me, “Are we ever going to get a dad?”
I replied, “Sure. I think so.”
And she answered with her seven-year-old insight, “You always say you are working on it, but mostly you are just working.”
Which made me snort a little with laughter. Right! C’mon, I usually brush my hair before leaving the house, try to make sure my heart is wide open, and every once in a while work from a coffee shop. What else am I supposed to be doing?
[And I say that with the caveat that I’m not doing online dating because I really don’t have the time. And also I’m not looking for a traditional relationship as I see it. I don’t need someone who can mow the lawn, I want someone with whom I can share my heart.]
So, put me in the mood for love. Tell me – what are your favorite quotes or observations (your own or others) about love? Vicki has graciously offered to create a LOVE quote tree for February (similar to the awesome Connection quote tree she created for January) so give me your advice, your view of things, and the quotes you love about love, and she’ll create some goodness from it.
And I’ll put it where Miss O can see it too. Truth be told, she’s on the fence about whether she wants a dad. She says the pros are it would give her more experience with guys (sometimes a big male voice will startle my kids because they aren’t used to it) and someone to give Mr. D more male company. And on the con side – she likes it just being the three of us.
I’m guessing it will be fun for all of us to see what can happen when LOVE is in the air!
(featured photo from Pexels)
Please visit my personal blog at https://wynneleon.wordpress.com And if you want to follow me, you can find me on Instagram and Twitter @wynneleon
The Heart of the Matter 
Oh wow, Wynne, you hit me today with this one. Oh your precious daughter, she got right to the point with that question. I love her confidence and self-assuredness. I’m not sure I would have had a come back. Does a white flag count😉? And then as far as what you’re looking for … you’re right, you’ve got your heart in the exact, right place, you’re looking for someone to share a life, that’s a beautiful thing. A precious thing. I want to come back to you with a quote or encouragement to put you in the mood for love. I have a few ideas, I want to think about this, but I will say this, you’re going to find your partner and best friend deserving of your love. It’s out there. Your heart and soul is in the right place. You’ve got two great kids. It’s going to happen, stay strong!
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A white flag – great one, Brian. They should hand those out at the hospital when you give birth!
And thank you for your incredibly kind and encouraging comment. Beautiful. Thank you, my friend!
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First, this is a serious answer, but not one intended to advantage me in any way. Moreover, I know only the words you put on these pages and the life you describe.
He would have to love the outdoors, read discouragement in your face before you say a word about it, and bond easily with someone else’s children. Nor should he be intimidated by your mountain climbing and any other gifts you display.
Since you asked for “someone to share your heart,” the man could not be common. And because you love words, Wynne, he would need to appreciate them, too.
Here is a test. Read him the following poem, “If I were King,” and see how he reacts. Better, he should read it to you:
If I were king ah love, if I were king!
What tributary nations would I bring
To stoop before your sceptre and to swear
Allegiance to your lips and eyes and hair.
Beneath your feet what treasures I would fling:-*
The stars should be your pearls upon a string,
The world a ruby for your finger ring,
And you should have the sun and moon to wear
If I were king.
Let these wild dreams and wilder words take wing,
Deep in the woods I hear a shepherd sing
A simple ballad to a sylvan air,
Of love that ever finds your face more fair.
I could not give you any godlier thing
If I were king.
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Wow — that’s a hard act to follow!
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Wow, wow, wow. I’m in tears, Dr. Stein. First, I have to say you’ve succeeded – you’ve put me in the mood for love! The expansiveness of your reply and this poem has me feeling huge things – of not only the love I find but the love my kids find. I’m printing out this poem for our walls.
And your description. Well, if anyone wonders whether people really get to know you by what you write and share online, I’d offer that your reply shows how well you know me — and my heart. Thank you, my friend!
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Oh boy. I am twice-divorced (three, if you count the same guy twice), hence I’m not the best one to offer any suggestions. What I HAVE learned through it all, however, is that the best place to find love is within myself. Argh—it’s a lifelong process, but I’m getting there, and the closer I get, the more I realize that the love within is more than enough for me. My mother got married the for the third time at age 83 to the love of her life. To each her own, and it’s never too late. You are such a beautiful soul, Wynne, that when and if the time is right, Mr. Right will step into your lives. Meanwhile, you guys are doing a fabulous job of loving one another (and the cat). 😽
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I didn’t know you married the same guy twice, Julia. Wow, it’s amazing what we learn about and from each other in this forum!
What I love about this reply is that you include both a picture of the present and future and all the love that surrounds us. Yes, we already have a lot of love, the love within is key – and it’s never too late. Beautiful. Thank you, my friend!
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Same guy twice trick—sometimes you’re not done till you’re done! 😉
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I totally get that, Julia. I dated my ex after we were divorced too.
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So much to love here with the input from Brian, Dr. Stein and Julia thus far…all of this generates emotion for me — good stuff – especially when I think about how I’ll reply to you, Wynne – with this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQyJsYc02bY
Pink and Chris Stapleton – “Love Me Anyway”
The hubster and I have been together for 40+ years at this point. Incredible to me…that he continues…to love me anyway…despite plenty of ups and downs. The gray days never slowed him down…and he’s the best human I know. I wish all of that for you — and I love Dr. Stein’s thought. He cannot “be common”. 💕💕💕
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Oh, my friend, you have me in tears. That song is absolutely beautiful. As is the testament to your wonderful hubster!! Absolutely beautiful!! So thankful for you!! There’s a lot of love in this world!!
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❤️❤️❤️
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What great discussion you have initiated. This reminded me of my then 10 year-old son who told me one night while I was tucking him in that if you want to get the best offerings from a sale, you get there early. When I asked him what this was about, he politely said: Mom, you’re not getting any younger. Lol. Kids say the darnedest things.
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Oh my goodness – I’m howling. That’s hilarious, VJ!! And great advice!! So wonderful!
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Lol. He was so afraid I’d be alone.
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That comment from Miss O was so wise beyond her years and made me laugh out loud. Kids really see things as they are.
There’s a movie called In The Mood for Love by Hong Kong filmmaker Wong Kar Wai that is just so well done. Probably not something for Miss O yet but was the first thing I thought of.
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I’m with you, Ab! I could barely contain my burst of laughter when she said it. She totally nailed it – and the delivery! 🙂
Thanks for the movie suggestion – I’m going to watch it. Sounds wonderful! Thanks, my friend! ❤
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Love, like life, may come in seasons. I found love in spring, summer, and fall. Each were different, some passionate, some short lived, some came only as teachers and some came to simply say I’m here until it is over. Patience of the heart is the most demanding patience of all, but patient we must be.
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Ah, Maggie – what a wonderful and wise perspective. And there’s such an openness to your wisdom. Thank you so much for reading and sharing that! ❤
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Thank you for asking the questions.
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❤
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I know this wasn’t your intent, but I felt a little sad with Miss O’s words, because I felt the part about “you’re mostly always working.” Meaning, as a single mom, trying to keep all the balls in the air. From my perspective, you do such an amazing job of making your kids a priority, along with everything else.
That said, she is such an adorable soul, that Miss O. And I couldn’t have anything more eloquent to say than what’s already been said, so I’ll concur with all of it. Particularly Dr. Stein’s comment (he had me in tears too)! There are some people who are so special, it’s hard to find another soul who’s deserving. We’d all agree you’re that special one, Wynne! So, whenever love happens, your person may need to face a tribal/bloggal inquiry from all of us. 😉
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Oh, Kendra – you have me laughing and feeling so special! The bloggal inquiry – geez, that sounds rough! 🙂
Let me reassure you that Miss O wasn’t feeling too sad when she said that. In fact, I think she already understands based on the 1-2 nights/week when we have guests over for dinner, that she and Mr. D get my focus most of the evenings and weekends because there isn’t another adult around. And that is also the primary reason for my ambivalence about love – because I get to tune into my kids so much. It’s tough to think about folding another person into the mix.
Thank you for your incredibly kind words — and for your wonderful intentions for me. I’m so grateful for you, my friend!! ❤ ❤ ❤
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I’m sure the bloggal inquiry would be done gently. Mostly, anyway. 😃 As to Ms. O, that makes me feel better. I have so many regrets when it comes to parenting, it’s easy for me to project. But I’m happy now! 😊 And I’m grateful for you as well!! ❤️
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A gentle bloggal inquiry… 🙂
I love your phrase “I”m happy now.” It says so much about this journey we’re on!! Sending lots of love to you!!
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Aw Wynne, so many thoughts and emotions as I read your post and all the comments. I agree with what others have said, you have amazing kids and your daughter is so grounded and a mature little girl for 7. There is so much love in your family already – but I know its not the same kind of love that you’re talking about. I agree also that you deserve someone who will really appreciate you.
I want to say congratulations to Vicki for her 40 years plus – nowadays that’s such an accomplishment 🙂 For myself, we’re 30 years plus
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Wuhoo – 30 years plus. That is wonderful, Brenda! Congratulations to you. You give me lots of inspiration and hope. Thank you!
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“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return” ~ The Moulin Rouge
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Beautiful, Grace! Thank you, my friend!
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Ok. I have two. the greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. Victor Hugo and Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loved someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu.
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Oh, LA, those are great! The Victor Hugo one is new to me and wow, really hits a chord. Thank you!
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I think they’re pretty spot on!
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❤
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As everyone has already said, your little family is so filled with love, connection, groundedness and wisdom. You have a strong foundation and fertile soil to invite another in, if and when the time comes to invite in a partner and father figure. I can tell your writing that, while you mind my be busy, your heart is open and watchful.
When I was trying to open myself up to love, the most powerful thing for me was poetry, in particular Roger Housden’s poetry compilations. If you enjoy poetry, start with Ten Poems to Open Your Heart or Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation. One poem struck a particular deep chord and I read it daily for a year, intent on feeling what the author describes. I suspect it may resonate with you or other readers, too.
The Knowing by Sharon Old.
Afterwards, when we have slept, paradise-
comaed and woken, we lie a long time
looking at each other.
I do not know what he sees, but I see
eyes of surpassing tenderness
and calm, a calm like the dignity
of matter. I love the open ocean
blue-grey-green of his iris, I love
the curve of it against the white,
that curve the sight of what has caused me
to come, when he’s quite still, deep
inside me. I have never seen a curve
like that, except the earth from outer
space. I don’t know where he got
his kindness without self-regard,
almost without self, and yet
he chose one woman, instead of the others.
By knowing him, I get to know
the purity of the animal
which mates for life. Sometimes he is slightly
smiling, but mostly he just gazes at me gazing,
his entire face lit. I love
to see it change if I cry-there is no worry,
no pity, no graver radiance. If we
are on our backs, side by side,
with our faces turned fully to face each other,
I can hear a tear from my lower eye
hit the sheet, as if it is an early day on earth,
and then the upper eye’s tears
braid and sluice down through the lower eyebrow
like the invention of farming, irrigation, a non-nomadic people.
I am so lucky that I can know him.
This is the only way to know him.
I am the only one who knows him.
When I wake again, he is still looking at me,
as if he is eternal. For an hour
we wake and doze, and slowly I know
that though we are sated, though we are hardly
touching, this is the coming the other
coming brought us to the edge of-we are entering,
deeper and deeper, gaze by gaze,
this place beyond the other places,
beyond the body itself, we are making
love
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Oof, that ended up being really lengthy! Feel free to delete. Here is a link to the poem: https://allpoetry.com/poem/14330785-The-Knowing-by-Sharon-Olds
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That is so beautiful, Erin!! Wow, it feels like such deep and true wisdom and it speaks to that place in my heart that wants to be met and filled. Thank you, thank you for this thoughtful comment and wonderful poem that I’m going to print and treasure! ❤ ❤ ❤
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