Connected

Posted on by Deb

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties”

Friedrich Nietzsche

I believe spiders are rather solitary creatures. I’ve certainly never seen a two spider team working together to spin a web. A single spider has to form all those intricate connections to create a viable web. The spider’s life literally depends on it.

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Humans too can be solitary yet we have the ability to pull together, to connect with others, when necessary.

There have been a number of ups and downs that the people on this planet have experienced, or perhaps endured, in the past few years. Sometimes we hear of or know individuals personally who have wanted to remain apart preferring to disconnect from the human group and embark on a solo path. Some of us hear of or know individuals personally who strive to find connections and who want to build a team to surround themselves and focus on understanding, compassion, knowledge, and goodwill.

Doing those things isn’t necessarily easy. It takes a lot to be the one to ask others to come together and form a team with the goal of understanding and connecting for greater awareness about themselves and their world. Finding what matters is the essence of this blog. Being asked to become connected to, and with this team, intrigued me and terrified me at the same time.

Almost simutaneously in an unexpected moment I found myself also being offered an opportunity to step up alongside and connect with an entirely different team of bloggers whose sole focus was to ask questions, find understanding and perhaps even common ground in an open and honest space. This offer came from a fellow blogger, someone who I have followed for many years. We share much in common yet we also have differing viewpoints.

It’s fair to say there may have been a mini existential crisis going on in my head…me, join another blog…silly woman, but I pulled it together and said yes once again.

I think of this specific blogger as a seeker. They are filled with a need to learn and open themselves up to ideas. The request was simple. They sent out an open invitation to meet in a safe, private space and discuss what some…many actually, may find to be very controversial topics. The rules included respect, honesty, and most of all a desire to learn from each other in an open forum. As I replied with acceptance to their offer I was overwhelmed with a clear understanding of just how brave this blogger is and just how much reaching out in this way matters. It matters to me to be included and it matters to the greater collective of humans who are often so divided right now.

This is one person among billions who is willing to open a door and say to others I need and want to know who you are, what you think- but more importantly- why, and I need to be allowed to share myself and my viewpoints.

Our blog, The Heart of The Matter, is meant to encourage everyone to open doors, to open their world to others if they are able, and to form connections. Now thanks to a simple but genuine invitation I am opening yet another door.

I might use the word serendipity in describing how this unfolded. Being invited to connect with two different teams that seek to discuss real and sometimes difficult issues and strong feelings and who want to dig through layers to find what really does, or doesn’t matter seems like much more than chance to me.

I choose not to speculate on the why. For me that really doesn’t matter. I choose simply to be open, in both of these spaces I have been invited into, because that IS what matters.

31 thoughts on “Connected”

  1. I love this, Deb! I was similarly intrigued and terrified by the invitation The Heart of The Matter, yet there was always a resounding YES. What I find most beautiful about blogging is that we’re all tossing out bread crumbs in an effort to find our way back to ourselves. In doing so, other see our trail and proclaim, “I like sourdough, too!” and we, whether intentionally or not, make those connections and build our webs out into the world. Even though we may be largely solitary, we are not alone. What a comforting realization! Good luck in both new projects, Deb! ❤️

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    2. Erin, I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only terrified contributor! I laughed at the food driven way you look at blogging! It is so very true that those breadcrumbs do seem to provide easy trail markers to find and make growing connections. We can all relate somehow…and find our way to each other. Strangely, now I really want a nice hearty piece of whole grain toast with jam… 😉

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  2. Wow – the synchronicity of these two invitations is remarkable! But what I find most inspiring is your openness to say “yes.” Not once but twice. That speaks to such a strong willingness to be connected and dig deep. I’m so grateful you are part of our web! Lovely!

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    2. Thank you Wynne! The situation with that second offer, and my yes, was utterly unexpected! It is a very different, but so necessary place to talk in a really open and safe way so it was truly important to jump onboard. Yet digging deep- meaning very kind honesty about tough subjects in a respectful place is what drew me in. There is a freedom in knowing that the purpose is to learn, and that you are not limited to a one-and-only web in life. Each has a purpose and meaning for every part that makes up the whole individual.

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    1. Why thank you Ab! There can and are so many paths that lead us to connect with other humans and my brain plugged in the image of the hundreds of connected points on a web. Odd, because I am not a spider fan in any way! Honestly, I think we need our solitary moments (at least I do) but we also have to be open to pushing ourselves to connect in ways that stretch our comfort levels sometimes. Blogging seems to be the way I am pushing myself at this time.

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    2. I, too, connected with that great metaphor. There’s a great TED talk by the author of Sapiens that he starts with a question that goes more or less like this:
      If he was stranded on a deserted island and a gorilla was stranded on a deserted island, who would have a better chance at survival?
      And even though no one in the audience wants to insult him, the answer is clearly the gorilla.
      So he continues and asks:
      If 4 humans were stranded on a a deserted island and 4 gorillas were stranded on a deserted island, which group would have a better chance at survival?
      The gorillas, still. And his next question is:
      If 4,000 humans were stranded on a a deserted island and 4,000 gorillas were stranded on a deserted island, which group would have a better chance at survival?
      It’s the humans. Because, he explains, and that’s the essence of his talk, that humans can collaborate in larger groups (gorillas are limited to 150–200).
      I hope we, humanity, act on the lesson and don’t turn to guidance from the spiders 🙂

      And I’m delighted that you took on the invitations to blog here!

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      1. I would say that TED talk is one that many people NEED to listen to and be reminded of often! I’m not sure that memo has been circulated often enough 😉

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    1. So very succinct LA, and so very true. Without the initial ability to come together in shared space we may always find it’s easier to be divided rather than move into those later stages, and ultimately garner levels of change that only make things better.

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  5. What amazing opportunities. I think the universe comes into play and places those choices and decisions on the shoulders of those best able to deliver an effective and open message as a result.

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    1. That is a lovely comment Maggie, thank you! These opportunities are very different and I feel myself treading carefully in both. Being open however, is a given no matter where I speak or write and I see both venues as a way to allow myself the opportunity to speak/write to both sides of who I am.

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  6. There are definitely times when I want to connect and others when I need to pull away to process events before figuring out what to share or how to handle them. You know what I mean. Writing on this blog is an excellent opportunity for growth and for stretching yourself and your writing. I salute your courage and adventurous spirit!

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    1. I think you know I absolutely *get* the need for processing and reflection and maybe not even reaching the point of sharing. Thanks for standing alongside me and for listening to my own reflections on so many things…

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  7. What a powerful post Deb. Connections are so important but sometimes we hesitate and don’t take the opportunities presented. To have 2 cone up at the same time could have been so overwhelming that you could have been paralysed, but it didn’t happen, you embraced the chances.

    I think Heart of the Matter is a great blog, contributed to by some very inspirational bloggers. I’m looking forward to reading more of your work

    Good luck Deb, with your expanding Web 😁

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    1. I appreciate this comment Brenda. Differences between this blog and the other are clear- the biggest being that the other site is much more random in how often we speak together. I would call it a much more casual chat than the HoTM- which is very much orchestrated and defined.

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  8. I didn’t have a chance to comment on this yesterday, Deb, but what a lovely, lovely post! And I’m excited that you have another new venture as well. Also, this part really jumped out at me as to why this space is important, “it matters to the greater collective of humans who are often so divided right now.” I’d never thought of that… I’d been feeling warm fuzzies over the micro level of connectivity, but there’s a ripple effect that can have an even bigger impact. Love that, and beautiful post!

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    1. Thanks so much Kendra! I think that the collective *we* often have a bigger impact than anyone realizes and our webs extend farther than even we can imagine. I rather like not knowing who or what I may impact in some way or place or time. It sort of keeps me grounded in who I am and in writing with what I hope is an authentic voice.

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    1. Thank you Julia! Creating a space of shared understanding and community is certainly a goal of HoTM. As to Zoom–I’m sure Vicki/Wynne will weigh in on that idea 😉

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  10. When asked I couldn’t commit to joining into this blogging endeavor but I like it. It’s funny because at one time I’d have jumped at the offer but now I feel called to sit on the curb and clap as the parade goes by. We all do what we can, I guess.

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    1. I so wish you would hop onboard Ally Bean…please!! You really can set your own schedule and I for one would love to hear your voice as a member of this group. Maybe consider a trial run, and then just stick around 🙂

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