I’d like you to imagine for a moment some of the aspects of my daily life.
I’m retired, yet I still get up at 5:00 AM everyday. It doesn’t really matter what time I go to bed. My eyes open at 5 AM, plus I usually have to pee. It’s not unheard of for me to lounge around a bit reading WP posts and emails then eat breakfast about 6:00, take a shower and start my day. I’ll toss some food out for the birds and squirrels and organize whatever tasks I may have for the morning: errands to run or maybe grocery shopping or appointments. I try really hard not to be a snacker, unless you consider my 9 AM coffee or tea a snack. Lunch comes around noon if I’m home and it’s almost always something light- a salad or fruit and cheese.
With me so far?
Afternoons in these colder months are for walking and then finishing up chores, or writing, or reading. I like to watch the 5 PM news so to do that, because I can’t see the TV from my closed off micro-galley kitchen, I usually prep dinner about 4:00. I am a simple eater by choice, no 5 course meals for me, so prep is quick and usually dinner is ready in about 30 minutes, just in time to hear how crazy the world is from the local news anchors.
To me, this all sounds pretty normal and it works for me quite nicely, yet I have just described one of the greatest errors an aging individual can make: I do not eat dinner at the socially acceptable time, which is somewhere between 6:00 and 7:00 PM. Therefore the world has labeled me an early bird eater. I might as well be green, slimy and have 3 heads for the horror this choice seems to bring to most everyone under the age of 45.
No, that’s not actually a photo of me, although the dinner looks really tasty and I can tell because there’s still daylight and the room isn’t bathed in shadows from the setting sun.
Older folks have been ridiculed time and again for their desire to take advantage of the Early Bird Specials at places like Denny’s or the local Sizzler. While I’m not typically leaving the house for my 4:30 dinner my reasoning for prepping and eating dinner earlier than most really does matter in the bigger picture that is my life. Please understand though that I fully back the concept of to each his own and would never judge your choices. I am just tossing out some food for thought. Wow, even I know that was a pretty bad pun- sorry.
- As noted before, I don’t snack. It’s reasonable to be hungry after a light lunch and unreasonable, in my opinion, to eat junk at 4 PM just so that I can fulfill the social norm that declares dinner time must be eaten between 6 and 7 PM
- Years ago, when I was trying to modify my diet in the hopes of helping my worsening inflammation and arthritis
WHOA! Sorry but I have to hold up here and ask you all to talk among yourselves for a while. I just glanced at the clock. It’s 4 PM- I gotta go start dinner but I promise I’ll be back…
Thanks everybody. Great dinner- tuna, a melange of roasted veg and some juicy grapes. Now where was I…
- So when I was trying to get a handle on worsening arthritis I worked really hard to modify my diet, basically going mostly to plant based food and cutting out sugar. One of the other major recommendations, based on how our bodies metabolize food, was that you should never eat a meal or snack within roughly 3 hours of bedtime. Embracing that suggestion led to feeling much better and a weight loss of 15 lbs.
- My routine matters. I like predictability. Most importantly, I’m 63 and I can do what I want.
As I have already noted, I try very hard not to judge others’ choices so I have to ask why, simply because I am aging, are there people who judge my choices and ridicule me? As a grown and fully competent woman I am capable of deciding when I want to eat and I feel thoroughly enraged by being told that I am somehow wrong for those choices… Really, is it smart to complain when you can get your salad, entree and a dessert for up to 25% less? Do you know how much people spend to eat out at the “normal” dinner hour on average? Well neither do I, but you can bet it’s way more than the $5-$10 deals. We get made fun of but think about this, how many of you have taken advantage of a prix fixe menu? You may not be seated at the Golden Corral but you’re searching out deals just like your older counterparts… uh-oh… so sorry… I seem to have wandered off into a bit of a rant didn’t I? Gosh darn it, I’ve been trying to control my cranky side but sometimes, given my age, it just gets away from me…
Seriously though- does it, or really should it matter to anyone else when we eat our meals or why we are motivated to seek out what works for us? Are some people just a bit too judgy of others? In the bigger scheme of life, as we focus on our truth, I think it might help to consider this quote from Billie Burke, the actress who portrayed Glinda the Good Witch in the original Wizard of Oz: “Aging is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.”
So you all do your thing, and I’ll do mine as long as we’re all happy, healthy and eating well. I also promise, when you invite me over for dinner that you do not have to serve at 4:30. I can be flexible. I won’t complain. I’ll even bring the wine. Just let me know if you want red or white.
But dinner better be on the table by 5:00!
*This is the third installment in my humor and aging series, and yes once more, even though I didn’t really like the book Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old by Steven Petrow, I can relate to his essay “I Won’t Be Ordering The Early Bird Special” but mine is a totally opposite point of view.
The Heart of the Matter 
This was so much fun to read, Deb — and I can relate! After hubby’s health scare last year, we received a lot of input from nutritionists and other medical professionals advising that it’s better to avoid eating too close to bedtime. We’ve slowly moved ‘dinner time’ up and I chuckled about your reference to the evening news and watching what’s new and crazy in the world while mulling over ‘what’s for dinner’ and doing prep. Yep. Most of all, I loved this “I can do what I want.” Yes! xo! 😘😉😘
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Thanks Vicki…many, many thoughts and serious frustration bubbling around under this post so I had to add in the absolute truth that yes, at my age I can do whatever I want as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else!. I think back to my younger days and eating all sorts of crud then falling into bed- what my body might have been able to handle then it definitely refuses to now 🙂
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Oh my…yes. I did that, too. Eating loads of unhealthy things w/o getting a belly ache or having the indulgence disrupt my sleep! My body is like yours…no way will it tolerate ‘the crud’ these days! Thanks, Deb! 😘
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You hit on some excellent points, in a humorous manner of course. Why do people mock the choices that others make? Like not wearing heels or coloring their hair. On one hand we scream about individuality while on the other we are mocking those who make different choices than our own
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Well let’s face it, this topic could easily be an entire sociological thesis on aging and ageism in American society- but that’s for another time and place! You also know as well as I do why poking fun, or being outright rude, mean and condescending are all traits of our fellow humans and why many simply go along with the patterns even when they don’t agree… I am just so glad that finally I can really say I don’t care and my choice is to live in a way that suits me- not everyone else!
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👍👍👍
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Lol. We are early eaters too. Eat too late and my slow digestive system keeps me up all night.
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YES! A perfect example VJ. I think there’s a point where social standards and inflexibility seem to monopolize how others view what is correct and appropriate. I choose to follow my own path!
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I would think that during most of our existence as a species we would have preferred to prepare our meals by sunlight, so 4pm sounds more “natural”, no? 🙃
And if we follow Dolly Parton’s “working 9 to 5” guidance, perhaps that schedule that dictated those late dinners is what’s unnatural?
4 (because of 🕓 !) cheers to breaking traditions that just don’t make sense!
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YES EW! I hinted at the historical factor in another reply and clearly our ancestors knew the significance of early meals- practicality of eating while the sun is still up meant survival! I say embrace what worked long, long ago 😉
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Like your wisdom
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I loved, loved, loved this post. So funny while making a great point. I’d much rather be part of the early bird special than part of the late night dining crowd but it takes all of us to fill a restaurant, right? Okay, that might be a strained metaphor but still.
And I love the inspiration of your healthy eating and how intentional you are about it. Whatever you call it, it sounds like a great routine for me!
You should come eat with us – we eat around 5 and it only takes 15 minutes… 🙂
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Isn’t Spain one of the countries that has meals at something like 11pm? I would never eat an actual dinner as I would have been asleep for hours 😉 The changes in diet Wynne continue to make a difference as long as I don’t let myself get sidetracked- Sadly the biggest culprit is always sugar. I still experience deep sadness about that. Perfect dinner time- although when I’m eating with others I tend to talk a lot during meals and forget to eat…we might have to stretch that 15 minutes a bit 😉
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Yes, I definitely don’t have any Spanish blood in me because I couldn’t do that either! Well, when you come to dinner, we’ll let the kids eat in 15 minutes so we can have plenty of time to talk! 🙂 ❤
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I am entirely on board, Deb. We human think what we do is normal and only the other guys is bonkers. I am in your team, but then, you are one of the kids!
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We all certainly bring our own perspectives to the table don’t we Dr. Stein! I think that may have been another horrible pun…sorry 😉 I’m pretty sure there is historical significance to dinner time customs based on any number of factors. That would make a fascinating (to me anyway) thesis topic for research.
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Do you know how much people spend to eat out at the “normal” dinner hour on average? I do not know that answer, but I probably would scoff if I did know it. We rarely go out to eat anymore, but I suppose if we did it often we’d eat earlier because we’re old people now and that’s what they do! 😁
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While it still may depend upon the haute cuisine offered I am consistently startled when I look at menu prices for dinners in modestly priced restaurants. Even simple lunches are astronomical in my opinion. I can’t, in good conscience, spend my own money or anyone else’s when I can cook at home.
I would not suspect you of bending to trends Ally Bean. Your forward thinking nature and social awareness has me seeing rebellion- Old or not you will set your own trend rather anyone else likes it or not 🙂
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Great post! I too am an early bird eater and minimal meal preparer but unlike you, I do snack and haven’t given up sweets. I wish! In fact I had some white cheddar popcorn last night. It was delicious!
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What if you had to give up mocha’s and go straight black? I do not judge, I just know what works for me and after just discovering that I am now down in weight by another 10 lbs or so, after 6 months of no added sugar plus walking I will continue with this lifestyle as long as I can. I just home my next labs reflect the changes as well 🙂
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This is such a healthy choice – I’ve read the 3 hour before bed time advice and it makes so much sense. I agree, no one should judge!
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It has really worked for me, along with understanding what foods impact my body in adverse ways, and being reminded when I ignore that knowledge. Life is about choices and making ones that work for you as an individual. It’s hard to have other people try to dictate based on their perceptions and lifestyle. Thanks for commenting this morning!
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We rarely go out and when we do, we choose breakfast or lunch instead of dinner. So do all the other ‘old folks’. This is one area where hubby and I differ dramatically. He is a late eater. I push the envelope earlier and he pushes it later.
My daughter and her family that includes a five year old, always eat early with the aging crowd. Early bedtimes and practices started when the pandemic was waning have become a welcome practice in their house.
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I am much more of a lunch out sort of person, and I like breakfast out when I travel Maggie. Sometimes dinners just feel like an afterthought for me. I’m even okay with greek yogurt, fruit and granola at times! Yes, that family dynamic plays into the decision process as well. Do you feed your kids at a time that fits their schedule and then find yourself not eating anything, grazing all night, or eating at 9pm before you fall into bed exhausted from your day working/parenting/just living life? I love that you mentioned this because it illustrates that we all find ourselves in differing operational modes based on where we are in life and who is in that life with us. Thank you!
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My children are grown with families of their own. It is simply aligning schedules with my husband now. We exercise a lot of give and take.
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It is advantageous to have that flexibility for sure and teamwork helps if you can be at least close to the same page Maggie!
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You’re living the dream, Deb! Your critics are the nutty ones. I’m half your age, and I shamelessly eat dinner at 4, maybe 5. Though, like you’re I’m early to bed and early to rise. We don’t eat out but if we did, we would plan around the early bird specials, lunch buffets, or make a meal of happy hour appetizers. Why pay more when there is an alternative?
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I like your style Erin! It’s hard for me to understand why getting the most for your money is a bad thing and older folks have simply been the ones to take the brunt of the logical thinking for everyone 😉
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The best time to stop eating in terms of human digestive systems is by around 5 pm, and I know this and find it helpful so that’s mostly what I do too. 🙂
We have a remarkably similar routine in terms of the wake-up early and eating early.
Enjoy your life on your terms, you deserve it!
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Wise woman that you are Claudette, I appreciate that others understand and follow some fairly simple patterns for eating in a way that’s beneficial to our body systems. I’ve always been a day person in general and can feel myself shutting down and just wanting to veg out in the evenings with each passing year. Even though I was much different when I was younger- especially pre-kids- I don’t know why it’s difficult for many to listen to their bodies and adapt accordingly. I really don’t know that it has anything specifically to do with aging, but more with just being in tune with who we are and what makes us feel better in general. Thanks for the great comments all-around today!
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Great Post Deb. I agree, we should do what works for us and others should mind their own business. You’re also right, in Europe they eat much later than in the UK – and The States from what you say. I think work can be partly responsible for eating later – when I’m on campus until 5, by the time I get home and prepare dinner, it can be nearer 8 before we’re eating. It’s not my preference, but it is reality. During the Vovid lockdowns, I ate when the rhythm of my body dictated it .. which usually ended up about 5ish.
We have too many ‘fabricated’ rules by others telling us how to behave … I say get stuffed, if you’ll pardon the pun 😁
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Haha!- great pun Brenda! This topic seems to lend itself to some that fit the eye-roll category. I agree with you regarding the influence of work, and remember being a working mom, getting home at 5:30 or later and just wishing I didn’t have to feed my kids at all because then there’s no evening left. I wasn’t at my happiest in those years. That point, which is such a good one, makes me wonder if the push back from so many on the younger side, and/or with new families, perhaps comes from the stress they feel about work versus home life. We tend to speak out, sometimes negatively, about things that hit home for us-that we wish we could change but can’t… Maybe there’s even some envy going on for those who would welcome the 5pm dinner and a free evening just to spend with their kids. They know it will likely be many years before those opportunities arise. Thanks for making me think and see a very real dilemma for many 🙂
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I would prefer to eat earlier but my husband likes to eat around 6:30 and I don’t really want to eat alone. I’m thinking of slowly adjusting his meal time downwards so he doesn’t notice (kind of like how you’d introduce vegetables to a child). My preferred time would be about 5 or 5:30 but often dinner signals settling down for the evening and that seem too early to settle down. Fun post, Deb!
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Janis, I’m laughing at your plan to make adjustments to meal time using the tried and true “kid method” to convince them they love new things! I think many people are ready to settle in after a dinner meal but maybe that can handle a rethink as well- after dinner walks, some simple yet mind-stimulating activity- a puzzle or team crossword… I know when the weather is nice it makes it so much easier not to simply fold up after dinner and waste lovely hours. I also understand eating alone- which I’ve grown accustomed to, but it is much nicer to have someone to share a meal with 🙂
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We are the same age and we eat dinner at the same time. I get hungry around 4 p.m. We go for “happy hours” which are really early bird specials with a more acceptable name. There’s a fancy steak house that has a happy hour menu of small salads, fish and chips, lollipop lamb chops, oysters, etc. for a fraction of what they would cost after 6 p.m. in the main dining room.
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I love how they want to fancy up the name and avoid the early bird part EA! A menu like that sounds perfect though and I totally agree- if you’re hungry at 4 then eat!
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As most of you know there is some research which links an early dinner to certain health benefits – but I believe there is really no one-size-fits all dinner time. When I left corporate America, I also left the clocks with it!!!! Cheers to living the good life!!!!!
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Absolutely! Everyone will choose what seems right and works for them and their family. I don’t have to consult with anyone anymore and yes, not even the clock. I admit that some days I go a bit wild and actually wait until the 5 pm news is OVER before fixing dinner 😉 On a side note I’ve had a brief opportunity to wander around your blog a bit and will be back to read more. I did want to ask though, because I know every writer is different about their preferences- are you okay if I address you by your first name in our comments? I did take note of it in the comments on your About page, which is a wonderful intro btw, but don’t want to assume to put first names here if you prefer not. I will second your cheers to living well also!
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You may use my first name if you wish in our comments!
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Thank you Mary!
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Follow your own heart. Funny how society can be so judgmental on silly things!!!
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Yes Brian, do what works for you- always good advice, food related or otherwise 🙂
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My favorite expensive steak house has early bird specials from 4-6 and I would have no qualms about eating there earlier to get the specials now that I’qualify as a senior, if I ate out again which we haven’t yet. The prices keep going up and up, why not save a bit. My pet peeve is morning people who love to comment on my sleeping in – I love to stay up late and read and then I sleep in, my normal hours are 2-10am, but if I had a dollar for every person who has told me that I’m wasting half the day! Of course these are people who want to go somewhere at 8am, and I can get up if I have to, but I can’t understand why it bothers them so much that I like to sleep in and they always have to comment on it. I don’t comment on their going to bed early, although I never call after 9pm as I know they are winding down for bed. I find it really annoying!
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I like the idea of restaurants (other than buffets designed for one purpose) to offer early dinners for less. It doesn’t feel so cafeteria-esque I think. If those hours work for you then stick with them. I am fascinated though because I truly cannot sleep much past 5 AM, no matter what. So I’m curious- have you just sort of trained yourself to stay up later over time? I can’t remember the last time I made it much past 11 pm so 2 would be a stretch for me plus reading puts me to sleep 😉
That makes me think of people who do shift work. I wonder if their bodies get so used to that schedule that they would later find it difficult to adapt to what most people view as the common sleeping/waking hours.
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I was a pharmacist and usually worked the evening shifts, so getting home after 10 I would have to have a couple of hours to unwind, especially if the shift was bad, as most of them were as we were chronically understaffed. It was murder if was working the weekend and I had to go back in the next morning and do days though. When I had my hospital job years ago and worked straight 9-5 I was an early bird like you, up at 7am even on Saturdays. But the shift work gave me insomnia and wrecked my circadian clock, as then I would worry about getting enough sleep to not make mistakes the next day. That is resolved now that I’ve been retired 6 years. I stay up too late reading, as that’s the only time I have to read, esp. if it’s a good book. And part of my problem now is my mother is 97 and “sundowning” (I am currently staying with her to avoid putting her in a nursing home) so she is up frequently during the night, and sometimes I don’t get her settled back in bed right away, so I read, and then it gets even later. I seem to get into a deeper sleep in the mornings, and she will get up and work on her jigsaw puzzles or watch tv. I don’t know what it means to get a solid nights uninterrupted sleep, although exercise/walking during the day helps. And sometimes I have to get up to go to the bathroom if I’ve had tea too late! Oh the joys of getting older.
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Joni, thank you for sharing all this. It makes so much sense and I’m glad I asked 🙂 Proof I think that so much of our lives, and livelihood is intertwined and maybe not everyone actually listens to what their bodies are trying to tell them? But then do we make complete/total lifestyle changes simply to be “normal”? That’s unrealistic and you are loving caring for your mom who needs you now. I made light of the criticism aging folks face when it comes to meal time, and that is a social, and often silly issue to be sure, but who ever thinks to look behind the why for the reason and for deeper understanding? This is how we learn not to judge others. You are brilliant and I cannot tell you how appreciative I am that you commented so deeply to my post. I am truly grateful and thankful for this conversation and what you have brought to this topic 🙂
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Thanks Deb for your kind words! I have learned to listen to my body since I retired, in ways I did not when I was working on so little sleep. Now if I feel like a nap I take one. In some ways looking after an elderly person is like looking after a toddler – you nap when they do. My mother and I have always gotten along well, so I don’t consider it a burden to do this for her, but I know it’s not practical for everyone. (I only live 3 blocks away but my house has stairs.) I’m retired and the pandemic came along, so it’s not like I was traveling or having an active social life! So I’m happy I can do this for her – she is still quite independent, can get dressed, go to the washroom on her own etc, but her day/time memory and short term memory is gone. That’s why she’s up wandering around at night, she doesn’t realize it’s night. She’s doesn’t cook anymore, and is not allowed to touch the stove or the microwave! I do all the meals. She was really good up until age 95 and had a flourishing art career which I managed. My fear in putting her in a nursing home (she does qualify and that is mostly covered here in Canada), is the continuing Covid lockdowns and they are so short-staffed, as one of the better patients I’m afraid she wouldn’t get much care.) But that day may come. My grandmother lived to be 96 in her own home, so I have good genes on that side. Incidentally my grandma used to eat supper at 3:30 but she was up at 6am, had lunch at 11:30, and a snack at bed. The thing that bugs me is the friend who constantly comments on my sleep habits, knows what I am coping with the ‘sundowning’ but says it anyway. Probably just thoughtless, but still…..annoying!
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Your mom is lucky Joni, that you are close by and able to help her. I have enjoyed her art on your blog. Does she still paint? I never had to experience long-term care situations with my parents, but I know many who are in that arena now and find it so very challenging to navigate. I think it has to be stressful. I’m sorry that your friend seems unaware of what their words are doing to you. Maybe a nudge to drop the comments is due?
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Oh I’ve nudged….I’ve mentioned it several times. Some people are just clueless. No, she doesn’t paint anymore, but will do jigsaw puzzles. I tried to get her interested in painting again with no success. We have a long wait list here for a nursing home bed, and home care help (while also covered) is inconsistent due to staffing issues – sometimes they just don’t show up. They only offer home care for physical care – like baths or getting dressed. Everything else you pay for at $35/hr for a PSW Personal Support Worker, so it can get expensive. I can book respite help in at $10/hr through one of the home care agencies if I need to be out for an afternoon, although she’s okay to be left alone for a couple of hours. But if I have to go out of town, then I book in respite. I have no help from any of my siblings, for various reasons, although some live too far away, so yes, it can be stressful!
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I could eat at five but then I would want to go to sleep at six!
M likes to eat at six thirty.
Which we usually do.
However, if we have load shedding between six and eight, we eat at six.
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Well that’s a very valid reason Granny! I have not wandered around your blog very much yet, are you south- like very south as in Australia or New Zealand perhaps? There is a beach that is lovely I know. Wishing I could spend time wandering along that beach, and if I could I might forget to eat entirely! I have to ask, what is load shedding? I am clueless…
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Hi Deb.
Welcome.
I am in South Africa.
Load shedding has become a way of life here.
Our electricity provider switches off our power at different times.
We go off for two hours at a time.
Some places go off for four hours!
My Dad is on oxygen so the load shedding is nerve wracking.
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Oh my, I was way off the mark- just an entire ocean between your reality and my guess! Thanks for clarifying the term. I was aware of electric insufficiency in places around the world and knew that many have to deal with no electricity at times, but had never heard load shedding. We use the phrase rolling blackout around here! Seems to be an attempt by leadership to be polite in the midst of a horrid dilemma. Do you have a generator for dad when your “off” period comes around?
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No, we don’t have a generator.
The tenant in our flat has an inverter.
In an emergency we can tap in there.
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Oh Deb. I love this! First, like you I wake up before 6 every day even on weekends and vacations, and I expect that will continue when I’m retired. I’m just wired that way. My mum is the same and she’s 90!
As for meal times, I believe we should all do what suits us. If you’re ready for dinner at 4:00, that’s absolutely fine. If you choose to eat at 9:00, that’s okay too. Why do people feel the need to judge and criticize others over things that are so insignificant?
Sadly, in our youth-obsessed world, making fun of older adults is a socially acceptable form of discrimination and it has to stop. Older adults are doing amazing things and should be respected and revered for their wisdom, rather than made fun of.
Have a wonderful Sunday!
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Well I totally agree Michelle! We do amazing things all the time that are often overlooked or taken for granted. In another comment Joni was mentioning how working shift type work in her career has altered her sleep patterns. Sleep is another aging issue that gets a bad rap but when you dig behind who and why we are doing things differently as we age there seems to be no reason to judge…just to understand and realize that one day everyone gets older. I hope your Sunday is lovely. We have sun and warmth today, then tomorrow when spring arrives we go back to rain and colder temps and of course we just roll with it because what else is there to do!
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Well we had another dumping of snow last night, although warmer temperatures are on the way this week. Let’s hope they stay!
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Yes, the snow needs to be done but we are now in our typical rainy spring phase so real sun is still months away!
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I think we all get to eat when we want to (at least those of us who aren’t raising children anymore). Personally, I like to eat my lunch and dinner a bit late, because if I don’t, I get hungry right before I go to bed and that’s not good for sleep or weight control. My mom, on the other hand, eats at 5:00 on the dot every night. And that works for her!
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That really is what this whole post is about- just letting folks do what works for them and not feeling a need to judge based on…I don’t know what? We can be an extremely judgmental society and I think I’m over it 😉
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You and me both! When did we all decide that judging others was the national pastime?
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Give the judgers time—it won’t before long before they become the judgee’s. I love eating at 5, hate going to bed on a full stomach, and do what I want, when I want. I confess, however, that it helps a lot to live in a condo building populated by seniors. We understand one another. No judging here!
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So correct Julia! I hope I’m around to witness some of the very outspoken people who criticize now when they find themselves being told how wrong they are as they age. I think there would be a small smirk on my face and silently I would be saying “I told you so”. Like minded folks around you has to be a lovely and helpful thing. Perhaps there’s a senior community in my future…
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