The ups and downs of a writer

Posted on by WritingfromtheheartwithBrian

I try to write a little each night. You know the tortoise from Aesop’s Fable, The Tortoise and the Hare — well, the tortoise and his “slow and steady wins the race” pace is me. Yes, imagine me with my hard outer shell cranking away each night at my laptop. In the story, the tortoise walks slowly on the tips of its toes, overtakes the sleeping hare, and wins the race. Oh, it doesn’t always work that way — some days that crazy rabbit is just too darned fast — but that’s my general goal. 

But here’s what I don’t understand. I sat down two weeks ago, and the words came quickly. I didn’t do anything differently, they just came with speed and purpose. They felt right and authentic to me. It was like the words fell out of the sky and all I had to do was just reach out my arms and catch them.  I couldn’t keep up with them, they were falling so fast, it was like manna or pennies from heaven. Imagine me in my running shoes zigzagging in an open field, arms stretched out, catching one word and then another and another. Often times, it was complete, well-articulated sentences. I was giddy with excitement. Giddy is a word you use to describe school girls, not a bald, overweight old man, but it most certainly described my feelings. My cup overflowed.

Finding a pot of gold

I looked down at what I had written and broke out in a huge smile. The windfall was beyond my wildest dreams. I looked at my watch and saw that it was well past my bedtime, but I didn’t want the fun to end. The heck with bedtime. I was on a mission. I wrote for an additional fifteen minutes, and then 20 minutes more. I was like a little kid begging his mom for extra time on a video game.

Of course, I eventually had to close up shop and woke up the next day feeling like day-old coffee, stale, stiff, and worn-over, but I didn’t care. You know how sometimes you look at what you have written the previous night and you think it’s going to be awesome, but your memory plays tricks on you, and instead the copy looks like a piece of modern art, you know there’s something there on the page, but you can’t quite make it out. Of course, I had that in the back on my mind as I peeked at what I had written and smiled, because for once it was exactly how I imagined. In fact, it was better than what I had imagined.

I was walking on air. I ran downstairs to tell my wife with a swagger and strut. She was nowhere to be found, but nothing could take away my happiness.

A turn for the worst

Oh, if it would only last. The mighty rise up and if they don’t watch, they will be humbled. Think Tony Stark in Ironman or Lightning McQueen in Cars. Oh, yes, the north winds were coming in overnight and a change was in the works. When I sat down later, I put on my running shoes. I smiled thinking how much fun I was going to have writing. I even bragged to my wife, “you’re gonna want to watch this.” I was ready to race along the track catching the words from the sky, but this time my legs felt like concrete and the words were slow and drawn out.

I sat there waiting for the magic to take over — I even cried out “any time magic writing fairy, any time” — but it never came. I’d type out a sentence on screen and then come back and erase all but two words. I couldn’t get settled or find my way. I felt like I woke up and found myself in a 15 round winner-take-all Battle Royale Boxing Match or Ultimate Fighting Championship bout that I hadn’t trained for and wasn’t prepared. My arms felt heavy like I couldn’t land one solid punch.

The words that I could catch seemed stiff and stilted. They felt forced and seemed to make the text worse. I kept at it, but shut my laptop down well before my goal. I ended up with barely 800 words, and getting that far was a struggle. 

Why, why, why

So, this is my mystery question of life. How can one day writing be a joy and the next a painful process that makes you question why you ever thought writing was something fun to try?

Do professionals with interests in other areas have this problem? I don’t hear engineers complain from one day to the next about the challenges of “engineering.” Lawyers win some cases and lose some others, but I never hear them complain about their inability to be a lawyer. What about doctors, psychologists, priests? What about that Amazon driver who just delivered my package? Did he question his ability to drive today? 

What about others with their favorite hobbies? Sure, runners talk about frustrating days. They might even complain about a tough interval workout, but most days they’re still out there running. A crocheter might complain about his or her carpal tunnel acting up, but I don’t hear them or say, gardeners, complain that they just can’t crochet or garden today.

I have a friend that’s a jewelry designer. I never hear her complaining that the metal doesn’t bend right today. Why is that?

Pants in the seat

Oh, I get that I’m fortunate to write. I would go so far as to call it a blessing, but I find that it’s unlike other hobbies and professions. I get frustrated, but then I’ll sit down another night, like I did last night, and I’ll struggle at first, but then the writing starts to pick up. I’ll catch a few of the words falling out of the sky, I’ll come up with a many others on my own, and I’ll get excited about where my story or my blog is headed. I’ll be excited that it’s uniquely my own. I’ll take a look back at what I’ve put on the page and I’ll be back in business on the crazy roller coaster ride that is the writing life. 

How does writing or your creative pursuit come for you? Does it come with big strides or does come in small gains? How does it work for you?

. . . .

Please join in on the discussion. In addition, please visit my personal blog at www.writingfromtheheartwithbrian.com to read my companion piece. You can follow me on Instagram at @writingfromtheheartwithbrian.

All the best, Brian.

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39 thoughts on “The ups and downs of a writer”

  1. I go through the ups and downs of writing too. Sometimes it flows smoothly and quickly, sometimes slowly but with ease of purpose, and then sometimes … nothing. No ideas, no inspiration, nothing. During those times, I just walk away from it for a bit and focus on something else for a while. It’s definitely an interesting journey!

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  2. The days when you hit windfall and when the words pour out and you’re giddy as a kid begging for extra video game time are to be treasured. Glad you had that day recently!

    Too bad writing can’t be like work, where it’s automatic and predictably productive for the same window of time everyday!

    But like the tortoise, we have to keep pushing ahead, slowly and steadily. Hope you have another good windfall soon!

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  4. I love it when I read something from a talented writer friend (you, Brian!) and learn I’m not alone when the slumps come. This sentence, “I was ready to race along the track catching the words from the sky, but this time my legs felt like concrete and the words were slow and drawn out” so perfectly describes the gloom when we think we’re elite racers/writers…even for a moment…and then confront the truth. It’s a slog sometimes, isn’t it? I’m with you! And the only antidote is getting ‘pants in the seat’ just as you said. Back in the saddle. 😉🤣😉

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  5. Like Vicki, it’s nice to read I’m not alone in having those days where I sit staring blankly at the screen. It’s all about showing up day after day. Soon enough, you’ll have another chance to jump around giddily!

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  6. I’m curious if this is what you were writing when the words fell from the sky because it seems like gold to me. And it reminds me of what a verse that’s been on my mind for a number of reasons: “For everything there is a season.”

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    1. Very astute of you Crystal. I must admit that that part of the blog came really easy. When I’m on a roll like that, I find that my description and comparisons come more readily. I could imagine the words flying out of the sky. And it’s funny too that you used the phrase Gold. I always joke with my family when I’m writing well that God or Karma or fate was “giving me gold.” Yes, for everything there is a season!!

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  7. This is so good, Brian. Why? Why? Why? I’ve done a little research (that is to say, I searched the Internet) for what part of the brain is involved in writing. Is it the right side – the creative or the left side – the words? Turns out that right side/left side isn’t so much of a designation they use anymore. But I did find that lots of areas are involved – language, imagination, visualization. I suspect it’s hard to get all those online at the same time that you have TIME!

    But clearly you had them all firing when you wrote this beautiful post. Thank you, Brian!

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    1. Oh thank you Wynne. Us poor writers. We need all those areas involved. I guess that makes us great time management experts too. ha, ha. I love it. Thanks for letting me know that I’m not the only one that suffers through these challenges. Thank you. 🙂 🙂

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    1. Aww, Belinda, you know just what to say. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to respond, but I saw your comment Wednesday and it’s definitely brought a smile to my face. I’m not sure my posts are a pleasure, but I definitely appreciate the feedback!!!! Thank you so much.

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  9. When I began writing fiction, a client of my husband’s agreed to take me under his wing. I’d snail mail him copy and he’d make comments and suggestions and mail it back to me. Tells you how long ago that was! He wrote “To Live and Die in LA” which became a cult movie. Anyway, his genre as a former secret service agent was quite opposite of my children’s fiction, but good writing is good writing. He had two sayings, “Remember, the reader if a genius” and “Writers need buns of steel.”

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  10. Man, I appreciate this post! I find it so frustrating sometimes to write anything that I actually want people to read. If I try and force it, it just isn’t very satisfying. But when I get on a roll, it’s such a great feeling. It’s just so damn unpredictable isn’t it?

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  12. Understand our muse and why it runs in top form some days and at a snail’s pace on others is one of the mysteries of writing. I’ve learned to let it go when the words aren’t flowing. Sometimes a well-timed break (often exercise) is all I need to break the spell.

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  14. You bring up a good point: I feel like this is a problem unique to writers. A chef might accidentally add a pinch of salt too much, but he still knows how to create the recipe. Writers are working from scratch every day. When the words flow, as they did with you, your best bet is to embrace the moment, bedtime be damned!

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  15. Brian, this is so good – “It was like the words fell out of the sky and all I had to do was just reach out my arms and catch them. I couldn’t keep up with them, they were falling so fast, it was like manna or pennies from heaven.” I’m wishing you many more moments in life when this happens again and again!

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    1. Oh, thank you so much. Those moments really are amazing. I was never a big fisherman, but it’s like what a friend used to say, you need to keep throwing the hook out or you;ll never catch anything. Same with writing. Ha, ha. Thanks again for the feedback, glad that it hit home!!!!

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  16. “How can one day writing be a joy and the next a painful process that makes you question why you ever thought writing was something fun to try?”
    That’s because writing is an internal process. You change yourself by writing and you will always encounter some resistance. It becomes better with time and practice. Read & Write!

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  17. You’ve just described my experience. One day I’m a creative genius, the next a slug that can’t move out of its own way. Maybe the slug days are just a way of providing contrast to help us recognize, embrace, and appreciate our genius, huh? Or at least learn to make peace with the slug and love it rather than judge it? Love all of you Brian!

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  18. The good thing is you are not alone here.

    I remember making myself go to sleep a few weeks ago. The words wouldn’t just stop, I wrote so much and so well. I was working on a booklet about my mom. I woke up and loved everything I had written from the previous night. Now, I haven’t been able to write another word since that night.

    I have a bit of time though. I plan to finish up before her 78th birthday in February… Next year.

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