Really Listen To The Way We Talk To Ourselves

I write this post on the night of the January 2023 new moon. This particular new moon happens to be a perigee new moon, which means it’s closer than usual to Earth. This phenomenon happens once every 993 years, so I thought it fitting to dedicate my thoughts to this blog on this evening. And wow, do I have some feelings and emoshes that are coming up for me right now. I mean, what else is new? But really, there is a lot of intensity happening at the moment, and it’s a beautiful time to bring any darkness twirling within, into the light, to be healed and released.

New moon in black sky

Photo by Lenstravelier on Unsplash


If you need a bit of context, feel free to check out my post from last month called “This Is Why I Don’t Date People I Really Like.” I’m afraid I left ya’ll hanging with a To Be Continued status, and I don’t really have any updates at the moment. I do believe this situation will resurface again, but when and in what capacity, I have no idea. And even more than that, even if it does, who the heck knows what will come of it all. Only The Goddesses really do, and even they might be a bit on the edge of their seats with this one! Needless to say, when I date someone I like, which I never do, it unearths all kinds of insecurities and uncertainties within me. Which is why I have historically avoided dating dreamboats. But this one just kinda crept up on me, and now here I am, faced with the real me. The real insecurities that bravado and confident facades can no longer mask. And that’s a good thing, albeit super uncomfy!

And today, on this new moon, I’ve been talking to myself in a particularly harsh way. I actually think many of us do this fairly regularly, for whatever reasons. We don’t need to beat ourselves up about this, and we can’t expect to undo this deep-seated habit in one moon cycle. I fully anticipate spending the rest of my life learning to improve the way I love myself, and that’s okay. However, I really think it’s important for us to, at the very least, catch ourselves when we are doing it. And today I caught myself, and was a bit horrified.

person holding a mirror

Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash


I was in my car this evening when my negative self-talk dawned on me. And I pulled out my phone and did this thing I often do, which I highly recommend to all. I record a voice note of my thoughts and play it back to myself. So, during this exercise, I first started saying out loud the thoughts I had swirling in my mind. These thoughts sounded something like this…

“He doesn’t like you and he’s not going to like you. You’re going to annoy and overwhelm him and he’s way better than you. He’ll see all of your insecurities and be super turned off by all of it and then leave, like they all do, and why wouldn’t they?”

-The contents of Libby’s mind in a moment of fragility

Now, can you imagine a girlfriend of yours whom you love and adore calling you up to tell you about a guy she’s super into? And then try to imagine you saying the utterly toxic and unsupportive words to her that I just said to myself? Honestly, I don’t even think I would THINK those thoughts about a dear friend of mine, let alone verbalize them. That kind of talk is utterly abusive, and if someone talked to me that way, it would be super obvious to me that they were the one with the problem, not me.

Dr. Masaru Emoto Water Consciousness experiment

Dr. Masaru Emoto and Water Consciousness

Next, I thought about what I would say to my girlfriend if she called me up to tell me about a guy she was super into. And with whole-hearted fervor, I spoke these words into my phone…

“OMG I’m SOOO excited for you. Umm, of course he’s going to fall totally in love with you because you are a gorgeous, beautiful, sexy goddess! You’re smart and funny and so lovable and he’s a total idiot if he doesn’t scoop you up and treat you with the love and consideration you deserve. Don’t worry girl, you got this, and you deserve to be so happy with someone!

-Words I’d say to a lovestruck girlfriend of mine

Then I went ahead and recorded those same words to myself. And I have to say, I definitely felt a flow of passionate support of myself come through once I allowed it. However, at the same time, the second the words flew out of my mouth, I also felt a flood of doubt creep back in.

Why am I so quick to hate on myself when the genuine loving support flows so easily to my loved ones? I really don’t know. This is truly tough stuff, but all we can do is try.

I also spoke a bit in my last post about some of my self-worth issues stemming from my relationship with my older sister in childhood. I’m talking through a lot of this in therapy right now and I think it will be very supportive and helpful to process things in this way. However, at a certain point, I do believe we must move from the blame phase to the I’m-an-adult-and-need-to-take-responsibility-for-my-own-life phase. That’s not a tough love thing, I don’t believe, but instead an act of authentic self-love.

Wish me luck on this journey I’m JUST beginning. Funny that it took a hot, hot, hottie to enter my life in order to unearth all of this darkness. But that’s what love does. That’s what relationships do. They act as mirrors to serve our growth, and we can run or heed the call. No judgement at all if you choose to run, but at age 43, I’m in the mood for a bit of heeding. Will you join me?! xo

girl wearing a t-shirt that says love who you are

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash


So, can you relate to this post? Have you ever stopped to really listen to the way you talk to yourself? Sometimes, you need to say those thoughts out loud because they can sound muffled and dull in your mind. But saying them out loud can be such a wake up call. And if you’ve done this, what have you done to turn this habit around? I think it’s a practice, a muscle that just needs to be flexed so it doesn’t atrophy, yes?


Check out Libby’s bio on Our Team page. And follow her on Instagram @thegoddessattainable

22 thoughts on “Really Listen To The Way We Talk To Ourselves

  1. I absolutely can relate to this post. Negative self-talk and reminding myself with limiting beliefs happens regularly for me but at no time more intensely than during new or full moon cycles…

    I appreciate how you redirect yourself. In the past year I learned how to recite positive affirmations which have helped me.

    Wonderful post. Good luck with your journey!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Oh, the things I’ve uttered to myself…shameful! Thanks for bringing the icky bits into the light, Libby. Your post was powerful and purposeful…reminding me that I need to catch myself before I launch a rant. Left unchecked? I’m like a steamroller when it comes to self-loathing.
    xo – much love! 💓💓💓

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Early in our relationship, my boyfriend plucked a book from his shelf and said “read this.” The book? What to Say When You Talk to Your Self. 🤣 It’s almost hard to believe how insidious and persistent the negativity self-talk can be, and sometimes don’t even realize until we step back and listen to ourselves. I like the idea of recording the thoughts… capturing the cringe-worthy words spilling out and facing them. Brilliant idea. Thank you for this, Libby! 💓

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Well Libby, at 63 I can say I may finally be a bit closer to tossing the self doubt and embracing the realization that the me I see in the mirror is just fine the way she is. I think I really crested and moved to the smoother downhill side of this journey after my divorce. After so many years (34) of trying to convince myself to be someone else I never had to do that again. That was an epiphany for me! I sincerely hope you reach the same conclusion sooner than I did!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Heck yeah – I’m up for joining you! What I love about this post (one of the many things) is your statement that love and relationships provide a mirror. Yes – and we can make eye contact in that mirror or not, but if we don’t, we probably are going to have to repeat the lesson.

    Beautiful post – and practice of recording yourself. I usually go straight to bed when I start talking to myself that way because it is directly related to how tired I am. But instead, I should try your method!! Love this post, Libby!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes so true about repeating the lesson! And I think even when we do look in that mirror of another person, sometimes there’s so much to see we don’t catch it all, and a repeat is called for anyway ha! Oy this journey is not for the faint of heart ♥️ Thank you Wynne, I always love your vibes! xoxox

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes – so much to see so we have to repeat it anyway!! And I’m laughing, Libby – not for the faint of heart at all!! Thank goodness for friends like you along the way! ❤ ❤ ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I love that you’re putting a spotlight on how we talk to ourselves. I would never think to talk to another person the way I talk to myself. I love the way you phrased that. I would drop a friend without a second thought … but I think nothing of talking to myself that way. We’re so hard on ourselves. I know for me a lot of my talk comes from my need to “achieve” something each day and the need to be perfect! Ugh. I’ve gotten better by using just taking a break and trying to quiet my brain but it’s definitely something I need continual work. Thanks so much Libby, best of luck on your journey!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing and for the validation. Ugh that’s so hard to feel that pressure of being perfect, when I’m sure you are rocking it every day just by being you, even if you aren’t full blast achieving in every moment. I appreciate this comment and thanks so much for reading and for your supportive thoughts 🌺

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You got it so right with ” Oy this journey is not for the faint of heart.” Kudos to you for having the courage to walk the path. It’s a rough road, but boy, the end reward is worth all of the struggle along the way. The journey reminds me of the famous “How do you get to Carnegie Hall” question—practice, man. Practice. Your good intentions will get you there in the end. Just keep on practicing! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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